Friday, April 15, 2005


Seriously now....

I often wonder if I should attempt to write great and inspiring things like my friends. Oh, I know that I can talk about things with fairly decent erudition, and I can write fairly well about whatever strikes my fancy (my professors in college rather enjoyed and frequently commended my writing style), but I have yet to attempt to craft a piece of blog-lit akin to the postings of my friends/associates. I look at it this way though -- they're writing it, I'm commenting upon it, they're commenting back, and we see each other in person often enough that I shouldn't feel any kind of "blog-envy."

But I do and I'm not sure why. We share distinctly similar backgrounds and experiences with/in the church, so maybe I just feel like I need to make my contribution towards the deconstruction of those experiences and even lifestyles, as well as the construction of new paradigms in terms of "being the church". However, when I look back over my blog, I begin to think that maybe my contribution isn't so much in the academic/theological realm, but maybe more in the poetic/literary sense. Of course, this is a fairly transparent description of my contribution, since I tend to write stream-of-consciousness type blogs and typically fancy myself as a character in a Hemingway or Orwell novel. I think it's also a manifestation of my attempt to write in the nonfiction realm akin to the styles of the people whom I read as well as adapt my thoughts into possibly a fictional form. Well, it is an attempt....

However, I can't seem to shake the feeling that maybe I need to be more focused in what I bring to the discussion. Or maybe I just need to not worry about trying to "contribute" and just write what's important to me. People usually can see through someone trying to write after a certain style or model and value that which looks honest and vulnerable. I know that I do. I know that I find most admirable and worthy of being read that which isn't a certain way, but is just itself. Yes, that's a fairly cliche'd concept, but when done right is a wonder to behold. And no, I don't think I'm there yet; my ego has rarely ever been that big. My fear usually outweighs my confidence.


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