Being

Resist....



Must Resist....



I must resist....



But it seems that I can't. I'm not sure why I want to continue on with some thoughts and ideas off of my last post, but I do. I do think that I'm afraid of myself. Afraid of what I can do. Afraid of what I can't do. Afraid of what can be done to me. I know that guys are stereotypically "afraid of committment", but I don't even attempt to enter into any kind of relationship. I'm afraid to even ask someone out on a date. Why? Why is that? Why am I such a little chicken? Well, I'm sick and tired of asking why to myself. I'm really tired of being afraid of myself. I've trapped myself and my emotions inside for much too long now, afraid of being exposed, afraid of being known, afraid of being me. I've been afraid of just being.

What does that mean -- "Being"? To me, it means actually acting like the person that you want yourself to be. It's kind of like self-actualization, but without all the hoopla of psychobabble. I've got to figure out who I want to be, who I need to be, and who I can be. I've conformed to someone else's image of my present and future for so long, I've forgotten who I am and can be. I've become a spiritual and emotional cripple because I've molded myself into someone else's impression of who I am. Whatever happened to me? Does ME still exit? I hope so. That's why I'm here. I resisted this blogging thing for awhile because of my contrarian streak, but I think I'm gonna like it here. I think I'm gonna like who I find here. Me....