Thursday, April 14, 2005

Begin the Begin

I talk about getting started (finally) with my music, so I think of a way to find places to play my music. There are local, independent coffeeshops in my locality where I can play, so what keeps me from calling them? Fear of failure? Fear of rejection? Maybe. Probably. But if I don't try, I can't fail, I can't get rejected.

Thus, I write this mostly because I have to realize that I can do this. Well, I can't on my own -- I have to realize that God wants me to use my gifts. And no, I'm not trying to be cheesy in a spiritual sense -- I'm finally hearing God talk to me. I finally hear Him telling me, "Hey there. Deaf boy. Blind boy. Do something, for goodness' sake. You whine too much about NOT doing something, so get out there and do something." It's like I tell me close friend -- I've spent SOOOO much time deconstructing, that I have to arrive at a way/means by which I can construct something. Tearing down only gets one so far before one finally come to the time & place of choosing to build. The problem with building is that it costs SOOOO much more in time and resources than tearing down, but the end result of building up is SOOOOO much more rewarding than that of tearing down.

Hence, I've got to make the calls, secure the venues, find enough confidence in myself (and Jesus living through me) to make the move to contribute something/anything. If I think that I have something to give, I've got to be willing to give anything/everything out of me. I think of my favorite singers/songwriters/performers/bands and see people who give of themselves fully to their art form (and with some of them to the Purpose behind their art). They look totally spent on stage because they pour themselves completely into their art, since it's their life. And if I'm not willing to empty myself out to others (and God) through my art and my gifts, then I have no business even dreaming of being a writer/musician. If I can't give of myself, then I have no business taking from others. I've just gotta get going with things. I've been sitting too long....

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