Thursday, April 14, 2005

Stuff about Work (again)

So here's this....

I had a good conversation with the girl that I run this store with, though technically she's the manager and I'm the assistant. THAT is a whole other matter all together, which I won't get into at the moment. We were both very open about addressing our employment futures -- she's looking to finally get into college, but she's not sure what she wants to study (a typical problem amongst college kids anyway) and I just want to get the heck out of where I'm working now and into something larger. I'm looking more for a place where I can grow, where I feel like I'm actually doing something, where I do NOT feel like I'm a peddler of hokey, religious crap.

We were both open about the fact that we don't want to be at the store for our lives, that we don't want to make careers out of what we're doing now, a statement that I found blessedly welcome to hear from her lips. Thus, because of her honesty and openness, I felt led to state (since she asked what I wanted to do), I told her that I was looking for new work. I told her that I'd been looking for a new job for 2 months now -- jobs in publishing, jobs in editing, jobs in government, jobs writing, jobs that free me the time to work on my vocation, or a way to not work a "job-job". I'd like to be able to write for a living, whether for a magazine or publication or on my own.

I do realize that the lives of writers tend to be fairly idealized (lots of free time, etc), but I find great affinity for the lives & styles of people like Hemingway, Steinbeck, Emerson, Orwell, and others. Or even.... *GASP* I'd like to write/play music fulltime. Again, I say this NOT because of the highly idealized lives of rock stars -- far from it. I simply feel like I could contribute something to the arts community (both those who create and those who appreciate) and I'd like the chance to fully contribute without having the burden of fighting a full-time job that doesn't conflict with my creative juices.

Again, I get pegged as romantically-styled idealist when I speak of such things, but I'm probably more pessimistic/realistic when I speak of such things because I know that it would be a hard life -- living from creative impulse through droughts where nothing flows from the pen. Not that I'm afraid of that in principle, but I do possess fears of that lifestyle in practice, since I'm practical to a fault sometimes, and just afraid of stepping out on that proverbial limb when the time comes. I need help, I think, or just someone/someones to give me some direction/kick in the butt when I stop in my tracks. I think I have the ability, the resources, and the material in the works, but not always the focus and wherewithal to get going. I need help....

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