Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Art and Craft

Sometimes, I wonder what I'm doing here at this job of mine. It's enjoyable, yet very dead-end. I can't ever see my boss promoting me, giving me more responsibility, or even giving me a living wage (which I think I would have earned after almost 6 years of faithful service). Conversely, I wonder if God keeps waiting for me to get off my butt and actually do something.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." -- Phil 4:13

So, why don't I do all things (or even something) with Christ's strength in me? Seriously here. Why don't I? I think that keep waiting for God to come down and say, "DO THIS!" Well, he could do that, but I feel that so often I wait on Him and He's waiting on me. Yeah, that's right -- God is waiting on me. Why? Probably because I'm lazy, weak, and fearful. Why? Probably because I don't trust myself and I'm too practical sometimes to actually live in/with faith. And that's really sad on many levels -- emotionally, spiritually, theologically, not to mention just sad that I have so much to offer an employer (or the world around me with my talents) and I can't bring myself to do anything.

I talk big sometimes, mostly to fool myself, sometimes I do so because I'm hoping that my friends (or even God) throw out a lifeline to this floundering soul. I talk about plans, dreams, goals, aspirations, ideas, and other such things in an attempt to have my friends say, "Hey there friend. I think you CAN do those things and I want to encourage you. I'd even like to help you by giving you this swift kick in the butt." And I'd (hopefully) respond and say, "Thanks!" But mostly, I think that I talk big to fool myself into thinking that, if I wait one more day, suffer through one more shift at a job that I increasingly abhor, or even pray one more prayer for a new job, God will reward me with the time to work on my art and craft.


And that kind of thinking, dear friends, is pure, unadulterated, Grade-A, USDA certified, FDA approved HORSE CRAP!

(And BTW, I really thought about employing an expletive there, but I'm working on reducing my usage of those a bit....)

God has already supplied me with the resources, abilities, and talent, but I think that He's waiting to see if I'll supply the energy, drive, and desire to actually do something. And I hope that He does wait -- He didn't create me to be an automaton. He created me to be a thinking, acting, creating being with the free will to choose to love Him in all that I do. Moreover, my love for Him is/should be made evident through my usage of what He's given me. However, the sad part is that I fail more than I succeed. But the good part is that He loves me anyway and just wishes that I would get off my fat ass, do something, and stop whining about not having enough "time." Hmmmm.... Time....

Bookstores. Concerts. Albums. Books. Screenplays. Essays. Poetry.
Creations by the Created for the Creator.

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