Broken Conceptions

It's so hard sometimes to actually
get a grasp of what actually
needs to be done.

I struggle with gaining even the
merest foothold on my future, much
less what's currently under the sun.

And more than anything, there's this
ever-widening gap between what I
know and what I don't.

It's as if, no matter how hard I might
try, push, cajole, & press for more,
the answers don't come. They just won't.

So why do I keep trying?
Why does what I want stay in hiding?
And if I told you that I was not
frustrated, I would be so lying.

I am not typically a fighter. I am not
one who physically strives for what
I think I need.

Thus, I tend to wallow in my misery,
finding new ways to struggle internally,
never letting my worry get some sleep.

But while it appears that I'm always on
the go, it's more that I'm actually
fleeing rest.

I keep my world around me, never letting
others in, people that I really
need to help me sift through all my mess.

So why do I keep trying?
Why do I try to keep myself in hiding?
And if I told you that I don't
feel berated, I would be so lying.

I do not know.
I cannot see.
I do not pause.
I cannot be.

So why do I keep trying?
What's inside of me that I keep in hiding?
And if I said to you that my questions are
all sated, I would be so lying.


APN
Copyright 07/09/2006