Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Called Onto the Carpet

Back to those Dads and their custody battles from Saturday night....

I rather enjoy the community of friends that I'm building -- people I can talk to, people that challenge me, people who accept my faults, people whose faults I accept, people that I can challenge. It's like having a group of best friends, people that I haven't had in my life for a long while. I often wonder if I've been running from accountability. Maybe I have. I eschewed the influence of my former pastor, mostly because I feared (rightly) that he was trying to turn me into a miniature version of himself. I eschewed the friendship of most of my peers and elder males where I attended church, mostly because they were either status quo type people (within their denomination) or they were miniature versions of the pastor (who was a nominally progressive person within their denomination.

On the other hand, I haven't been challenged to be honest with anyone because that person hasn't been there in my life. The religious system from which I ejected myself (or God led me out of) wasn't prone to creating true disciples -- just copycats of what looked good and was appropriate for their church culture. I had an older man who assisted with the campus Bible study of which I was a part in college who really helped me a lot, in terms of thinking & living Christ each day, but I left that college after my sophomore year and was never invited into discipleship, at least not real discipleship in the growth sense.

How does one become accountable? To their friends? Yes. To those that they serve? Yes. To those who serve them? Yes. But where do those structures come from? Am I calling out for structure or am I just asking for some guidance from someone who might just know more than I do? Or maybe I'm just on the lookout for someone to walk along side me as I try to figure this Christian life out. Or someone to help me to figure out how to actually walk in the footsteps of Jesus -- walking as He walked, living as He lived, helping others as He helped, speaking out as He did, loving as He did. Is that too much to ask? Or am I looking for someone who doesn't exist?

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