Ashes, Ashes, I Have Fallen Down

But what do I do
when I feel that
I've held back
when I haven't done
enough, not anything
that I've proclaimed to others?

How do I cope with
the hurt I've caused
and the fact that it
has been I who has and is broken down,
everything that I've
tried to build, build all on my own?

I have rejected
and I have resisted
the people and places,
all the chances I've been given,
just to keep all my cards
close, so close to my chest.

Crush and crack,
pull down and pull apart
all of me,
because all I've had
has been exactly what I've wanted
and been nothing I've needed.

My world and word
are in shambles,
a facade and a fake,
but it's looked so good,
but has been so wrong,
yet I could never face or break it.

Burn me down and purify
a life kept segregated
into parts that are known
and rooms that remain quiet and hidden,
an existence quite so very dirty
with the merest pretense of being clean.

I need wholeness
as never before.
Integration with integrity
Substitution with real substance
Re-creation & rebirth
Provision that I can't provide.



APN
Copyright 07/30/2006