What I Think That I Think About Thinking

New Site!

2006-08-27T15:29:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm on my way folks. After trying to contend with managing FOUR separate blogs for all of my work, I have happened upon the opportunity to consolidate them into one website. Thanks to a great deal of assistance from my friend Provoked, I now have a new site that I'm testing out in hopes of making the presentation of my work look more professional and less "Blogspot-ish", as I continue my attempts to locate gainful employment as a free-lance journalist.

Thus, I'd appreciate it greatly if you'd take some time to visit (and maybe even change your blogrolls) Dryvetyme Onlyne in the next few days (and in the subsequent weeks and months and years. And thanks for all of your visits to my blogs here over the past 18 or so months, because, as soon as Dryvetyme Onlyne is fully functional, my four Blogspot sites will become extinct.

Peace.

APN.

Little Miss Sunshine

2006-08-24T20:11:00.000-05:00

Little Miss Sunshine
Fox Searchlight; 2006
Rating: 9.4

Starring:
Alan Arkin as Grandpa
Abigail Breslin as Olive
Steve Carell as Frank
Toni Collette as Sheryl
Paul Dano as Dwayne
Greg Kinnear as Richard

Directors: Jonathan Dayton & Valerie Faris
Producer: Michael Turtletaub (& others)
Writer: Michael Arndt

This movie has been on the horizon for quite a long time – it’s taken over five years to make; Focus Features was involved until 2004 before it backed out; and Turtletaub finally had to agree to back much of the film on his own, after initially paying $250,000 for the script in the first place. However, having seen this movie on the first night that it was open nationally, I must declare, quite definitively, that the wait has been very much worth it. Little Miss Sunshine, without a singular doubt, is one of the most creative and substantive movies that I have seen in many years. In fact, I’m going to go as far as to openly state that this movie (along with the recently-released-on-DVD, but hardly-seen-in-theaters Brick) just may have restored my faith in the existence of truly original screenplays in the cinematic world.

One of the things that struck me most in this movie was how deftly intertwined the highly-individualized storylines of the six main characters were. Most screenwriters, when employing ensemble casts, quite often still find ways to focus upon two or three primary characters, no matter how many people the publicists claim are intimately involved in the story (with a good example being Love Actually, though I do really enjoy that movie). So many of these flicks leave viewers wanting to know more about their favorite minor character, but, because there is a time issue involved in film-making, there’s always at least one character’s personality that has to be diminished and/or their little bit of story never finds fulfillment or resolution.

However, in Little Miss Sunshine, each of the characters has their own personality, their own struggles, and their own issues, and they do whatever they can to keep the others out of their lives. The opening scenes, especially the one at dinner, are filled with comedic, yet painful tension, as this family threatens to split open at the seams. This all occurs to the dismay of Sheryl, the hard-working and hard-smoking Mom, who’s perpetually frustrated by her family’s hurt and is portrayed by Toni Collette. She’s an “Every-Mom,” standing in the gap, doing her best to love the four men in her life, who each addresses their personal sorrows in drastically different ways. Sheryl serves as the center of this family in two distinct manners: she is the fulcrum around which many of the plot machinations revolve and is also the foundation of a shaky house, doing whatever she can to shore up the wobbling walls of her family, but still feeling like a failure at the same time.

Greg Kinnear (in a stellar performance) plays an aspiring writer and motivational speaker who is struggling to find his place in the high-stakes world of pop psychology and intensely dislikes and loathes the other 3 males living in his house, openly calling them “losers.” His mute-by-personal-choice son, Dwayne (Paul Dano as one of the more truly serious, yet appropriately angst-filled teens you’ve seen on screen in awhile) is trying to gain permission to obtain his pilot’s license and enter the Air Force Academy, so that he can leave behind a family he can’t stand; Alan Arkin plays the horny, wizened, and smack-addicted Grandpa, who feels stuck in his old age and thus instigates pointless arguments with Richard, his son; and Uncle Frank (portrayed by Steve Carell, in his best performance in anything – ever) is a college professor who specializes in the works of the French author Marcel Proust and who recently attempted suicide because one of his male graduate assistants spurned his romantic advances. Four men – each approaching life in different ways, all viewing their world with divergent sets of lenses – are thrown together into one family and make no attempt to live in any kind of harmony.

However, even with strong and skilled performances by the five adults in the film, the true star is Olive (Abigail Breslin), the awkwardly adorable daughter of Richard and Sheryl, whose primary goal in life is to become a beauty pageant winner. And because of this aspiration of hers, she spends a great of time watching her vast collection of old beauty pageants, trolling for any and all tips that will help her in her quest. Moreover, in what could have been a purely comic role, filled with opportunities to lampoon anyone who’s ever been involved in the hellishness that is the beauty pageant life, Olive becomes everyone’s muse. She is not some cheesy, inspirational character that everyone eventually looks upon as some sort of fantastical representative of idealized childhood in hopes of finding his or her personal source of redemption. In many ways, Olive is the most mature and immature member of the family – she remains strong and focused upon her goal, even in the face of family tragedy, despite the fact that, all the while, her “adult” focus is upon the naïve idea of becoming a beauty queen. Nevertheless, it is Olive’s quest that eventually brings the family together to achieve a common goal; it is Olive who is the recipient of the family’s efforts to finally become a family.

I can’t really find very much to quibble with in Little Miss Sunshine, as in no way does the writer rest upon cliché or formula when presiding over the direction of this family’s life. Oh, the standard plot components are there – the troubled teen who doesn’t like his parents; the parents who fight over money and purpose; the young daughter who doesn’t understand the adult world around her; and the random, quirky, eccentric family members who only bring problems to the house – but this movie works; it really works. Little Miss Sunshine is filled with a captivating mixture of humor, pathos, anxiety, stress, laughs, tears and surprisingly deep spirituality, including a few revelatory instances that literally choked me up at the depth of their insight into the human condition that plagues us all. And all the while, the family’s journey is contained in a dirty, broken-down, yellow VW bus, accompanied by bits and pieces of “Chicago” by Sufjan Stevens. See if this film doesn’t find you “… crying, in a van, with my friends.”

How does one even attempt to clean up chaos?

2006-08-24T16:47:00.000-05:00

A brush
A broom
A mop
A pair of hands and more

A bag
A rake
A rag
Strong hands & backs galore

Have things gotten out of hand
With the destruction all around?
As hopeless as it all seems,
Can we maybe get some relief?

A push
A pull
A tug
A new set of eyes to see

A wish
A heart
A hope
Freshness out of ashes to be

Have things gotten out of hand
With destruction all around?
As hopeless as it all seems,
Can we maybe get some relief?

May we find ways
To set straight the broken
And wipe clean the slate.
We have not yet gone too far
And may it never be too late.

APN
Copyright 08/20/2006

The Brick Testament

2006-08-22T17:08:00.000-05:00

OK folks.... It has been a nice, full day of blogging, though I did get a good bit of work done on the job. Ahhhh.... The office.....

Anyway, if there's one thing in the world that makes me happier, it's the Legos that carried me through childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood (don't ask me how many Star Wars-sanctioned Lego sets I have). Thus, I must present to you something that has made me even happier in the past few months (since I've used these images over at my Genesis Commentary Blog a few times recently). This wonderful guy, Brendon Powell Smith, has created this wonderful site entitled The Brick Testament, where he has re-enacted a great many scenes from the Old & New Testament using (you guessed it) Legos. In fact, he's published three collections of his work so far -- Genesis, the Story of Moses, and the Christmas Story. Go check his site out and see if you don't laugh as much as I do. And if you're so inclined, marvel along with me at the time & dedication it's taken to create such wonderment.

ENJOY!

APN

Radiohead -- Kid A

2006-08-22T09:40:00.000-05:00

What follows is a record review that I wrote about 10 months ago, during my first attempt to start looking for work as a free-lance journalist. I'm not sure why poeple didn't like it or use it (besides the fact that it was a 5-year-old record by then), but I still like the work that I did. Thus, to read more of my attempts to find outlets for my writing, please visit me at The Music In My Ears. I will be posting my review of the new Sufjan Stevens album "The Avalanche" later today. Thus, I ask of you -- read, enjoy, comment.

Radiohead
Kid A
Columbia; 2000
Rating: 9.3

I bought a 12” Macintosh PowerBook G4 in July 2005. In so doing, my technological capacity leapt headfirst into the 21st century. It was rather startling actually. I went from owning and operating a 1997 Toshiba laptop what was running Windows 1998 (barely) to actually being proud of the computer that I owned. I went from crawling around on the World Wide Web to cruising along in First Class with all possible amenities on an intercontinental flight.

(And yes, all clichéd Information Superhighway metaphors will cease as of now.)

It was an amazing feat of purchasing power, though I simply bought it used from a friend who was entering seminary. She was upgrading to a much newer model and wanted to sell her 12-inch model, and, because she was willing to let me pay her a bit each month, I was able to help her out with her move. And if you’re interested, she’s attending Regent College in the Great (Seasonally) White (and Unbelievably Picturesque) North that is Vancouver, BC, Canada.

I say all of that to say this: in the process of uploading all of my CD’s into my new (to me) computer’s iTunes, I got the chance to give a fresh listen to an album that I have long loved, but often never fully appreciated. In my estimation, Kid A from Radiohead has to rank as one of the best, most misunderstood, and taken-for-granted albums of the past decade or so. Most of my friends who are hardcore Radiohead fans typically citeOK Computer as their preferred album, while a decent minority are big fans of Hail to the Thief, mostly because it’s the band’s most guitar rock album since OK Computer.

Don’t get them wrong – they all rather do like, love, and regularly listen to Kid A, but they feel it’s too electronic, that it’s not rock enough, that it’s too low-key and ambient in too many places. Those are rather appropriate responses, but, when I listen to the album in its entirety, in its proper place in chronological order of Radiohead releases, I can’t help but proclaim the genius that is Kid A.

Let me explain more fully, or at least permit me move through the course of the album, song by song, or rather, movement by movement. To begin, I don’t think that there’s another trilogy of songs as complete or as moving as the 3 opening tracks on this album. “Everything In Its Right Place,” “Kid A,” and “National Anthem” are as well-crafted, flowing, and 3 parts of 1 whole as anything you might have ever heard on a progressive rock band’s concept album (like Six Degrees of Separation by Dream Theater). Thus, with these 3 songs, Thom Yorke & the boys begin their meanderings through the most guitar-less rock album probably ever recorded (and that’s a compliment in my book).

From there, the listener hearkens upon the start of the second movement in Kid A. Comprised of “How to Disappear Completely,” “Treefingers,” “Optimistic,” and “In Limbo,” it seems that Radiohead is attempting to redefine the components of a rock song, whether in a recorded fashion or when taking these songs on the road. Moog-style synth sounds abound, along with well-crafted and well-played electric guitar and string arrangements that call to mind a symphony, as opposed to a rock record.

Admittedly, one can easily get lost sonically and thematically within these tracks, as it sounds that there is no continuity, no rhyme or reason behind the noises or the direction of those noises. If there is a downside to the album, it can be found amongst these 4 songs, and not because they don’t fit the flow of the album, but because they do. The average (and even above-average) rock music listener simply doesn’t get this section of the album – there’s no hook, no big single, and nothing to really keep you going onto the next song (unless you count the fact that the CD keeps going on the next song automatically). I remember reading reviews and talking about this album with friends when Kid A first came out in 2000 – few people got it and those who did were Radiohead fans who were disappointed that they didn’t get to listen to OK Computer 2. And I was amongst them, but not anymore.

Into the last movement, probably the most recognizable: “Idioteque,” “Morning Bell” (reprised and reformatted on Amnesiac), and “Motion Picture Soundtrack.” On an album filled with string swells, organ hums, and pulsating synthesizers and Moog keyboards, these 3 songs ring true, ring deeply, and ring out loud with a dark cynicism that only songwriters like Thom Yorke can muster. While “Idioteque” resonates with calls of a coming Ice Age, “Morning Bell” has the clarion call of a band trying to wake us up from expecting what’s normal in life and normal in music.

Simply put, few bands have the ability to create an album as esoteric and still as timeless as Radiohead has done with Kid A. Why are we compelled to return again and again to this album? Because if we didn’t, Thom Yorke would scowl us to death as Johnny Greenwood turned his guitar or a seemingly random box of electronic ingredients into an instrument worthy of inclusion in the finest of European orchestras.

A few thoughts, in case anyone might be interested....

2006-08-18T16:27:00.000-05:00

1) So, in case anyone gets worried, this is still APN. No one has hijacked my blog's HTML and screwed things up. I just wanted to spruce up the look of my page -- I was getting a bit tired of the soft pink/magenta/violet color scheme that I had going there. The content and context haven't changed, just the color spectrum.

2) I'm getting back to my screenplay. Yes, you did read that correctly. After 9 months away, I'm taking charge of my creativity and bringing greater focus to my writing as never before. Thus, if you've never read the 6 scenes I have posted, go take a look at Like Augustine and tell me what you think. And to those of you who HAVE read those scenes before, well, be prepared for some changes. There won't be any true style changes, but I'm hoping to bring a bit more structure and definition to the characters and their personalities, as well as some cohesion to the direction of any plot that might and/or needs to emerge.

and

3) I feel excited about life -- where I'm going, how I'm getting there, and who's traveling with me. As tumultuous, trying, tremulous, and terrible as July was, I feel that I'm on the brink of something beautiful, wonderful, and beyond anything I've ever attempted to plan on my own. By leaving behind my small imagination and limited scope of perspective, I have allowed myself to be made over and made new by my Creator, as never before. All love and praise goes out to my Creator, Saviour, and Sustainer, as well as the people, places, and occurrences that are in my life.

Peace to you all.

APN

Burnside Writers Collective

2006-08-17T10:33:00.000-05:00

Hello and Happy Thursday to all of you!

If you hadn't heard quite yet (though this will NOT be news to most/many of my regular "readers"), I had my first music review published on Tuesday. Burnside Writers Collective accepted my offering of the recent review that I wrote on the new Regina Spektor album, Begin to Hope. The editor, Jordan Green, really liked it and wants me to submit more reviews that I've written or will write in the future, in hopes of maybe becoming a regular contributor.

Thus, please do me a favor -- visit BWC, read my review, and tell them how much you love it. I need the support. This is my first post-collegiate byline (I mean, who really counts the work you did in college for your college newspaper, unless you were a Communications major trying to get into grad school at Northwestern, Stanford, or NYU), so, the more bylines I get, the more I can truly start shopping my work around to get some PAID free-lance work.

Anyway, I appreciate all the love that you great readers have shown in the past 18 months. Invite your friends to come visit me, both here and my OTHER blogs (you can see those links on the right-hand sidebar). I'd love to interact with more people!

Peace.

APN

Out of the Tar Pits (six lines at a time)

2006-08-16T16:38:00.000-05:00

Lies
Tied up in knots
All wrapped up inside
Tangled strands & bits of string
Thinking I’ve cut the cords
But every end remains fused

Deception
So easy to become ensnared
Trying to hide all the parts
And pieces of the truth
That I don’t want anyone to ever, ever see
Even though it needs to be exposed

Desires
Passions and lusts inflamed
Beyond the point of my control,
A control I do not have,
A control I’ve never had,
And it threatens to consume me

Desolation
Because my walls have been broken,
Brought down to reveal the cancer,
The ugliness that lies within,
So that such a pain (even to death)
Might be excised so that I might live.

Despair
At the thought that my creation,
My precious, is no more, since
I have had many chances to seek out
Its removal, yet I have not asked,
To my detriment and that of another

Desecration
Of a temple so loved and cherished
By one other than myself,
But I’ve lost all respect for what
Should lie within, and I don’t want anyone
To see what is actually there

Life
Still found a way to spring forth,
Though death seemed imminent,
Though all looked hopeless,
Though everything was duly lost,
What was worn-away arose anew

Love
Won out, against all odds,
Breaking through the wreckage,
Dispelling the darkness that had prevailed,
Chasing away the depression that sought to overwhelm
Forgiving what seemed so impossible to forgive

APN
Copyright 08/16/2006

A Work Stoppage

2006-08-13T14:10:00.000-05:00

When I choose to cease,
There can I truly begin.
When I decide to rest,
Maybe my struggles will end.
But if they don’t,
That will still be OK,
Because maybe I need to give up anyway.

Slow down.
Take a breath.
Realize that there’s not much left
To lose or even gain
By keeping inside
All of the hurt and the pain.

Peace.
Be still.

APN
Copyright 07/09/2006

The Music In My Ears

2006-08-08T21:12:00.000-05:00

Well, it's done -- you all now have permission to go visit The Music In My Ears. And yes, this does mean that I've created a FOURTH place online where I will be sharing my creative writing with the world around me. Along with my general blog, my Genesis commentary blog, and my long-silent screenplay, I have created a place where I'll be writing record reviews.

I've been attempting to get into reviewing music and/or literature for awhile now, but I've never really been able to succeed. Whether it's been a lack of desire on my part, a deficiency in opportunities, or some combination of the two, I've just kept myself frustrated for far too long now. Thus, I decided that, if the chances weren't making their way to my doorstep, I would just begin writing for my own benefit, and, if the "right people" started paying some attention to me, then that would be great as well. I just couldn't sit on my ass any longer.

Anyway, I would like to welcome you to my site and I sincerely hope that you'll be returning in the very near future. I'm hoping to write one album review a week (at minimum) and I'm considering incorporating book reviews into the milieu in the (near??) future. Feel free to read, comment, and generally participate in the discourse. I am not and will never be the final word on anything. I might not change my rating of a certain album or book, but I'll be happy to read your thoughts alongside of mine.

GO VISIT!

Peace.

Pig Pens

2006-08-07T18:22:00.000-05:00

It's hard to not remain
exactly where I am
since I've been here oh so long.

And even when I've been
caught & all exposed,
I'm happy to stay within my wrong.

Because it's safe here.
Because it's all my own.
And I know what all is going on.
Or so I think...

And I have forgotten
just how much I stink,
since I've kept this hole as my home.

So when I hear
of how bad the stench is,
I ignore it & roll around some more.

Because it's safe here.
Because it's all my own.
And I know what all is going on.
Or so I think...

But when I'm called out
and told so openly
that I'm wallowing in my own shit,

For the very first time,
I come to realize
that I'm stuck in what I can't quit.

Because it's safe here.
Because it's all my own.
And I know what all is going on.
Or so I think...

Why can't I get up?
Why can't I rise?
And why do I fall down even when I try?

How can I break out
of these four walls
when my desire seems so small?

Because it's safe here.
Because it's all my own.
And I know what all is going on.
Or so I think...

APN
Copyright 08/06/2006

Regina Spektor -- Begin to Hope

2006-08-03T20:40:00.000-05:00

Well, OK then.... Courtesy of a contact that I've made at Cornerstone [Promotion], I feel like I'm giving myself the chance to truly get back into writing again. Not that I haven't been writing at all in the recent past (screenplay, Genesis commentary, poems, random thoughts, etc), but I've always had this dream of either being a free-lance journalist or being an on-staff writer for magazines (whether online or in print). Thus, I present to you the first review of (hopefully) many more records, books, and other assorted forms of media. I'm considering creating a new blog through which I will pursue this venture, but time will tell.

So please read and comment. Or just enjoy....

Regina Spektor
Begin to Hope
Sire: 2006
Rating: 7.1

I remember the story breaking about 2 or 3 years ago. For some reason, MTV or VH1 (I can’t recall which it might have been) decided to take a bit of time from their hectic and persistent attempts to deaden the senses of the coveted 18-25 demographic with images of everything except music to actually talk about music. I was quite surprised actually – here were programmers making the conscious choice to make their viewers aware of a current development in where music was heading. There was no mention of Ashton Kutcher, Bam Margera, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, or any other typical pop-cultural schlock.

The voice-over narrator related a lovely tale; a tale filled with a great many touching tidbits from this artist’s life and times. As an unusual yet delightful voice leaked out of my television’s speakers, I heard about the life of a talented Jewish-Russian girl growing up on the streets of New York City after her family was able to emigrate from the U.S.S.R. and how she was raised on the Western music her father was able to smuggle into Communist Russia. I took all of this in – the biographical information, the strains of piano-led, jazz-inspired folk music, and a quirky voice that made you want to listen to where you’d be taken next – and thought to myself, “Well, if I actually had any say in prepping the format of a truly good pop station, I’d have to make sure and play some of this woman’s music.”

So, here we are today listening to Ms. Spektor’s newest album, the second she’s recorded on Sire Records after releasing two independently at shows all throughout NYC’s East Village. It’s a collection of compelling and original songs that does its best to bust genres and defy categorization. One can easily identify the fact that she does have talent and that those talents have been honed through playing clubs for the past 5 years and touring widely for the past 3. To declare that she just another girl-on-a-piano/Norah Jones-Vanessa Carlton clone is to display your musical ignorance.

She sings with passion, yet tempers that passion with a healthy sense of humor and chutzpah, never quite taking herself too seriously. You can tell that she’s quite versed in classical piano & jazz theory, but she enjoys crafting a great pop song. Regina knows when to step up and deliver a full complement of instruments on a selection, as evidenced by the standout track “Better”. Nevertheless, she is quite aware that the beautiful minimalism of the voice-and-piano-only mix on songs like “Samson” and “Field Below” displays her abilities to their fullest extent. It’s hard not enjoying the intelligent lyrics, the varied creative takes on traditional jazz and folk music, and the general sense that she’s having a great time making her music.

And it all succeeds – to a certain extent. There are times when her seemingly innocent worldview wears a bit thin and becomes not quite believable. I’m not saying that the naïveté is forced or some false persona that she and her producer (David Kahne, who has also produced Paul McCartney, The Bangles, & Sugar Ray) are forcing upon an unsuspecting listener. It’s more that she sings, plays, and writes with ever-maturing skill set, yet still hopes to convince us all that she’s just arrived off the boat from Eastern Europe and doesn’t quite know how to relate to Americans and western culture. On songs like “Hotel Song” and “That Time,” she comes off as a bit too kitschy for my tastes, especially in how she begins tweaking her vocal stylings to appear unpracticed and spontaneous. It catches your ear the first or second time, but it can get annoying by the third and fourth – kinda like dealing with a younger sibling who knows just how to get under your skin and does it over and over again.

Please don’t think that I’m seeking for ways to denigrate this rather good pop album. Begin To Hope is a fun listen-to that does a great job with straying outside the box in just the right ways, while maintaining a solid song structure. There are strains of Fiona Apple, Cat Power, and even Tom Waits (circa Alice) throughout this record and enough good songs to rouse in the listener a sense that Ms. Spektor has more to offer us all in the future. However, to me, it just seems a bit too slickly produced and studio-stale on too many occasions. Sire should encourage her to find an old upright piano in a basement somewhere, find some great friends, and sit around recording her music, allowing Regina to have all the time she wants to mix up all the fun-and-seriousness her heart desires. I’d both buy that album and go see that tour – Regina Spektor: Live in Your Basement!

My (Most Likely) Top Ten Favorite Albums of All Time -- LINK!

2006-08-03T09:16:00.000-05:00

Well then folks. The list I posted last week was originally submitted to this fine gentleman's website to be a part of his Top Ten "life-changing" albums of all time compliation. I orignally heard about it through this wonderful woman's website.

Go visit both and read along with me. Give them (AND ME!!) some love....

Peace.

Ashes, Ashes, I Have Fallen Down

2006-08-01T19:34:00.000-05:00

But what do I do
when I feel that
I've held back
when I haven't done
enough, not anything
that I've proclaimed to others?

How do I cope with
the hurt I've caused
and the fact that it
has been I who has and is broken down,
everything that I've
tried to build, build all on my own?

I have rejected
and I have resisted
the people and places,
all the chances I've been given,
just to keep all my cards
close, so close to my chest.

Crush and crack,
pull down and pull apart
all of me,
because all I've had
has been exactly what I've wanted
and been nothing I've needed.

My world and word
are in shambles,
a facade and a fake,
but it's looked so good,
but has been so wrong,
yet I could never face or break it.

Burn me down and purify
a life kept segregated
into parts that are known
and rooms that remain quiet and hidden,
an existence quite so very dirty
with the merest pretense of being clean.

I need wholeness
as never before.
Integration with integrity
Substitution with real substance
Re-creation & rebirth
Provision that I can't provide.

APN
Copyright 07/30/2006

My (Most Likely) Top Ten Favorite Albums of All Time

2006-07-27T20:38:00.000-05:00

Before we begin, do note that these 10 albums are not placed in any sort of #1-#10 format. They are simply my favorite albums of all time. Thus, even though I don't have children, I'll pull out the same, old, tired metaphor here -- I don't want to order them because it would be like a parent picking their favorite child. And we all know what happens then -- just ask Esau, Jacob, Joseph, and all of Joseph's older brothers....

Therefore, without any further ado or anymore unnecessary explanation as to the point & purpose of this list, please read....

"Leave Here a Stranger" : Starflyer 59
This album, from the very first time I listened to it, has always been able to center me, focus me, and inspire me. Jason Martin has been recording great music for years, but he tops himself here as, along with Terry Taylor (Daniel Amos, Swirling Eddies, & Lost Dogs), he records probably the finest album in the history of Tooth & Nail Records. "Give Up the War" and "I Like Your Photographs" are epic songs worthy of comparison to the best pop songs of all time. If only more people were aware of this great shoegaze band....

"Achtung Baby" : U2
Now, I know it's typically difficult for people to compare or even choose between this album and "The Joshua Tree", but, for me, there is no comparison. From the opening track of "Zoo Station" to "Love is Blindness", Bono's raw emotional & spiritual honesty is so intricately interwoven through the darkly-produced sonic palette of The Edge, Larry, and Adam. In some ways, this is an easy and obvious album to choose, so I don't want to ever cheapen this album's impact on how I hear music and interpret lyrics.

"Yankee Hotel Foxtrot" : Wilco
This is the album that allowed me to realize that music has a future. I don't want to indulge in musical superlatives here, but this album represents one of the rarest & most beautiful integrations of country, folk, rock, and creative integrity in music history. More bands need to look at Wilco as a beacon of what it truly means to make the music that you want, record companies be damned! "Jesus, Etc." and "Ashes of American Flags" are the standout tracks, in my opinion.

"The Queen is Dead" : The Smiths
Oh wow.... I was born in 1979 and had to learn about 80's music in reverse. I might have great memories about TV shows, toys, and similar child-appropriate trends, but it wasn't until college that I started realizing how much great music was created in the 80's. And what makes THIS album special is how Marr's musical depth and Morrissey's wry, ironic lyricism have transcended the 80's as has no other band or album. I don't even like selecting favorite songs, but "The Boy With the Thorn in His Side" and "There is a Light That Never Goes Out" get me every time.

"You Are the Quarry" : Morrissey
And yes -- I have chosen two albums on this list where Morrissey is involved. And no -- I don't quite care what any of you readers think about it. Each track on this album is special to me, as, at any given time, the words speak to me or relate my innermost thoughts. "Irish Blood, English Heart" is such a theme song for me, though I'd have to rename it "Irish Blood, American Heart" and replace "Cromwell" with "Washington" and "Tories" with "Republicans" to make it truly work. I just wish my hair was as great as SPM's....

"Kid A" : Radiohead
I have a great friend who, while he loves this album, will always prefer "OK Computer" and I can understand such a choice. However, when I really start to understand the great strides that these 5 British men are taking in advancing music into unknown territories, I simply have to love this album and all that it represents. "Everything In Its Right Place", "Kid A", and "National Anthem" represent one of the best album-opening trios of songs ever.

"Automatic for the People" : R.E.M.
Ok ok ok.... I know that this can seem to be an obvious choice, but I do believe that many people underestimate this album and simply cite it often because it IS great. And while I absolutely love "New Adventures in Hi-Fi" ("New Test Leper" and "Leave" give me shivers perpetually), few albums traverse the musical and artistic gamut present within this pop masterpiece. Whether it's the plodding drive of "Drive", the bounce of "The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonight", the quirkiness of "Man on the Moon", the overt emotion of "Everybody Hurts", or the sweet sentimentality of "Nightswimming", there are few alleys and thoroughfares that are not travelled by these 4 Georgians.

"American Recordings, Vol. 1" : Johnny Cash
This is the album that reintroduced me to what GOOD, REAL, and TRUE music (and not just country specifically) has always been, even as it represents Johnny Cash reinterpreting himself 30+ years after many of these songs were first recorded. Growing up listening to The Judds, George Strait, Juice Newton, and other 80's-formatted country acts, I had learned to despise the crass commercialism of radio country and cheesy-ness of country in general. However, the opening strains of "Delia's Gone" astound me to this day. Cash is one of my heroes because his life is so reflective of both the brokenness inside all of us pared with our tendencies to rise out of the ashes of our failures.

"Funeral" : Arcade Fire
I really do like Canadians; well, at least those who are like Winn & Regina. These two lovebirds have crafted one of purest, heart-felt albums in decades, smashing to bits the ridiculousness that is radio-controlled "emo" & "punk" music. There's not a song on that album that hasn't moved me to tears at some point, whether tears of joy, pain, or struggle. "Haiti", "Tunnels", and "Crown of Love" do it for me everytime....

"Control" : Pedro the Lion
Without a doubt, David Bazan has always been able to explode my definition of honesty. No matter how sad and depressed you might think a character in one of his story-songs might be, it's hard not to find a glimpse of your true self inside one of them. The darkness and base humanity inherent in so many of these songs never cease to amaze me and compel me to realize that, at some point, I've been like so many of the people in the songs. "Rapture" and "Second Best" are simply phenomenal -- don't tell me that you don't get chills listening to them.

Genesis 29:31-30:24

2006-07-20T19:44:00.000-05:00

Courtesy of my Genesis Commentary Blog

The Origins of the Tribes of Israel
Or
How to Grow a Large Family
And Still Have Your Family Fall Apart

It seems that Jacob is fairly adept at procreating. Granted, the text does not provide us a chronology during this genealogical breakdown, but Jacob doesn’t have the same issues with childbearing that his father and grandfather did. On the other hand, just like his forebears, the woman he chose as his wife does have the same problems with fertility that Sarah and Rebekah had. Barrenness appears to be a common thread throughout the Story of the Patriarchs, and Rachel is the next in line to experience such heartbreak and domestic turmoil. (Berlin & Brettler, p61)

I don’t know about you, but reading through this selection of verses brings to mind a great many questions, concerns, and queries concerning the details of Jacob’s family and how daily domestic affairs were handled. A cursory examination might lead us to state that things haven’t gotten much better since the days of Abraham, Sarah, and Hagar. However, when we begin to look deeply into this portion of The Story, we quickly obtain a glimpse of much of the rest of Genesis will bear out, both in terms of Jacob’s generation and that of his children. It is as if the intensity of the effects of Sarah’s desire to subvert God’s plans by pushing Hagar upon Abraham back in Genesis 16 have been compounded and multiplied many times over.

I debated on just how deep I should delve into the finer cultural specifics and details present within this passage. As we see in the course of events between Sarah and Hagar of chapters 16 & 21, a woman, for reasons of procreation, may send her maidservant to her husband and any child born would legally belong to the husband and wife, and not to the maidservant. Moreover, we also learn from those two chapters that a great deal of tension can be easily introduced into a family and the individual lives of the people in that family when infertility and surrogate birthing rear their heads. Nevertheless, on top of the familiar problems Rachel has with bearing Jacob a child of her own, Jacob must face the discordant permutation of Leah and Rachel’s sibling rivalry into marital jealousy. Two sisters fighting over the affections of one man is never a pretty arrangement, and one that I’m surprised hasn’t been made into a major Hollywood teen-oriented movie.

Poor Jacob… At least Abraham and Isaac had enough sense not to marry more than one wife – Jacob has to become skilled at interacting with four adult women in his household. Sadly though, Jacob never becomes proficient with such tactics and diplomacy, because, from the outset of this portion of text, he chooses Rachel above all others, much to the dismay of Leah and the course of his children’s lives. But God proves to possess a rather unusual sense of decency and justice, since, upon seeing how Jacob ignores Leah, God opens up Leah’s womb as Rachel remained barren. “As in the case of Hagar (16:10-12; 21:17-18), God shows compassion to the unloved mate, thus partially equalizing the disparity between her and her co-wife. Barrenness, in some instances a punishment (e.g., 2 Sam 6:20-23), serves in Rachel’s case to place her in succession to Sarah and Rebekah (11:30; 25:21).” (Berlin & Brettler, p61)

Thus, Leah is able to bear children and three sons are the prompt result of God’s blessing – Rueben, Simeon, and Levi. However, in spite of what should be a time of great joy in the life of this family, it seems that Leah is in perpetual angst about Jacob’s lack of love for her and the names she gives to these three boys stands as proof of this. Rueben (see, a son), Simeon (has heard), and Levi (will join) are all evidences of Leah’s pleadings through childbearing for her husband to love her and give her some attention outside of the marriage bed. (Alter, p156-157) It isn’t until the birth of her fourth son, Judah, in 29:35 that Leah’s name-giving turmoil is silenced, but even that isn’t long-lived. (Hamilton, p268)

“When Rachel saw that she bore Jacob no children, she envied her sister; and she said to Jacob, ‘Give me children, or I shall die!’” Jacob became very angry with Rachel and said, ‘Am I in the place of God, who has withheld from you the fruit of the womb?’” (Genesis 30:1-2, NRSV)

And, throughout all of this prodigious child-bearing, Rachel, the wife that Jacob does love has remained without a child, much less a son, a fact that plagues Rachel and her plight in life. “In the ancient Near East, one vital measure of a wife’s worth was her ability to bear sons – to tend the fields, herd the flocks, defend land and honor, and carry on the family name. For the woman herself, unable to inherit on her own, sons represented security in her old age.” (Frankel, p 54) Thus Rachel’s torment is two-fold – not only has she not produced any sons from practical reasons, but she feels ashamed that she had not born any sons to the man who does love her, who voluntarily worked seven extra years for her father to earn the right to marry her.

So, she approaches her husband in her anguish, begging him to bless her and give her a child of any kind, but he responds harshly, not truly understanding the depth and breadth of her request. (Frankel, p56) Granted, Jacob is correct in stating openly that he is not the person that Rachel should be beseeching for children, as culture custom and Biblical precedent dictate that she should visit a holy person, talk to God, or hope that God sees her in her childlessness and sends a messenger of God to visit her. (Alter, p158) But while his theological resolve is in the right place, he is relationally unsound. Throughout both women’s frustrations – Leah’s in bearing many sons to a husband who doesn’t love her and Rachel’s in not being able to become pregnant – Jacob seems to either not be present or not paying very much attention to the domestic strife. (Frankel, p56) Thus, reminiscent to Sarah’s thrusting of Hagar upon Abraham, Rachel responds to her husband’s pronouncement that he isn’t God by giving him her servant girl Bilhah to be a surrogate mother, an arrangement that produces two sons – Dan and Naphtali.

And the sad thing is that the birth of these two boys to Rachel, via adopting them straight out of Bilhah’s womb, only produces more domestic strife. It’s as if every single, possible familial disturbance that ever occurred in the prior two Patriarchal generations has been rolled together and greatly magnified in the Love Pentagon that is Jacob-Rachel-Leah-Bilhah-Zilpah. For, as soon as Bilhah bore two sons for Rachel, Leah counters by sending Jacob her maidservant Zilpah, assuming that, in her barren status, she can continue attempting to work her way into Jacob’s heart by siring more children (especially boys). Moreover, these two women were fighting through the naming of their son’s names: 1) Dan – “God has vindicated me”; 2) Naphtali – “I have been entangled in a desperate contest with my sister and have won”; 3) Gad – “What luck”; and 4) Asher – “Women will count me blessed.” (Hamilton, p271-273 & Frankel, p55, 57) Over and over again, the overt infighting being inculcated via the wife-and-sibling rivalry in Jacob’s house sets up the future for the failure, conflict, strife, and pain that will be so prevalent in Joseph’s story in the latter parts of Genesis.

“When Jacob came from the field in the evening, Leah went out to meet him, and said, ‘You must come in to me; for I have hired you with my son’s mandrakes.’ So he lay with her that night. And God heeded Leah, and she conceived and bore Jacob a fifth son.” (Genesis 30:16-17, NRSV)

However, the child-rearing competition doesn’t even begin to cease. Rachel observes Leah’s eldest child, Reuben, returning home with some harvested mandrakes, a plant purported to possess a combination of aphrodisiac and fertility-increasing properties. (Berlin & Brettler, p61) Quite obviously, such rumored traits are attractive to both women – Rachel wants to get pregnant and Leah would like for Jacob to love her. (Frankel, p58) With this hope, Rachel proposes a trade with Leah – you give me the mandrakes so that I can increase my chances to become pregnant and I’ll let you sleep with Jacob tonight. There is a bargain here that is undertaken by these women, one that displays the absolute desperation present in both their lives, as Rachel wants a child that is her own and Leah just wants love from a husband that really doesn’t pay her any attention. (Hamilton, p275)

And what happens as a result? Leah bears three more children – another son, Issachar (“God has given me my wages”); her last son, Zebulun (“God has given me, even me, a valuable gift”); and a daughter, Dinah. (Alter, p161 & Hamilton, p275-276) And curiously, in a family rife with the tendency to provide an over-the-top significance for a newborn’s name, there is no explanation given for Dinah’s. However, textual commentators quite enjoy instances like these, as they are able to enjoy the privilege of debating whether the authors are a) intentionally silent due to Dinah’s status as a female (Alter, p161); b) highlighting Dinah’s position as the only female child being born to a family full of boys (Frankel, p58); or c) crafty and alluding to future events (Hamilton, p 276).

“Then God remembered Rachel, and God heeded her and opened her womb. She conceived and bore a son, and said, ‘God has taken away my reproach’; and she named him Joseph, saying, ‘May the Lord add to me another son!’” (Genesis 30:22-24, NRSV)

I can hear Rachel scream at this point, “FINALLY!” God finally remembers Rachel, finally heeds her, finally opens her womb, and finally allows her to conceive and bear a child, all privileges and blessings that have been bestowed upon Leah 8 times already (7 sons and 1 daughter). At this event, Rachel loudly proclaims that she finally feels that God no longer hates her and finally desires for her to have a child, a sentiment that she greatly holds in common with the prior two Matriarchs. However, Rachel becomes a bit consumed in her overwhelming need to compete with Leah and declares that, not only has God at long last given her a son, she will be blessed with more children. Now, there’s nothing wrong with hoping and believing – it’s what keeps us motivated and moving forward, even when we don’t want to do so. “Like all of us, Rachel keeps upping the ante of blessing. Although Jacob clearly loves her, she remains miserable without a child. And when she finally gives birth to a son, she immediately longs for another. Why is it so difficult for us to appreciate the birds in our hand?” (Frankel, p59)

Thus, with the birth of Joseph, and until the late-occurring birth of Benjamin through Rachel, we have the chronological and matriarchal breakdown for the children of Jacob. There are 11 sons and 1 daughter – 6 sons and 1 daughter to Leah, 2 to Bilhah, 2 to Zilpah, and 1 to Rachel, the most-and-only-loved. Jacob has proven to be quite the impressive creator of progeny, far more than the other Patriarchs (his father and grandfather) had ever imagined themselves to be. With 11 sons and 1 daughter, it seems that the Promise given originally to Abraham finally has a chance of coming to pass, if only people could/would stop fighting.

Broken Conceptions

2006-07-13T16:46:00.000-05:00

It's so hard sometimes to actually
get a grasp of what actually
needs to be done.

I struggle with gaining even the
merest foothold on my future, much
less what's currently under the sun.

And more than anything, there's this
ever-widening gap between what I
know and what I don't.

It's as if, no matter how hard I might
try, push, cajole, & press for more,
the answers don't come. They just won't.

So why do I keep trying?
Why does what I want stay in hiding?
And if I told you that I was not
frustrated, I would be so lying.

I am not typically a fighter. I am not
one who physically strives for what
I think I need.

Thus, I tend to wallow in my misery,
finding new ways to struggle internally,
never letting my worry get some sleep.

But while it appears that I'm always on
the go, it's more that I'm actually
fleeing rest.

I keep my world around me, never letting
others in, people that I really
need to help me sift through all my mess.

So why do I keep trying?
Why do I try to keep myself in hiding?
And if I told you that I don't
feel berated, I would be so lying.

I do not know.
I cannot see.
I do not pause.
I cannot be.

So why do I keep trying?
What's inside of me that I keep in hiding?
And if I said to you that my questions are
all sated, I would be so lying.

APN
Copyright 07/09/2006

A Benediction

2006-07-10T21:27:00.000-05:00

Based upon Hebrews 4:12....

The Word
Alive
Active

A Sword
piercing flesh
searing bone
violent
bloody

Before the Word our intentions become apparent
our thoughts are judged
our hearts laid bare
Before the Word we are naked.

So we hide, lazily choosing
deceitful ignorance over painful truth.

Jesus, Living Word, come
corporately
individually
regularly
daily.

Open our eyes to the wonders of Your flesh.
Fill our mouths with Your breath.
May Your Voice reverberate in us.
May it unsettle us
expose us
wound us
that we might find peace, rest, You.
Amen.

Matt Davis
Copyright 07/09/2006

Perennial

2006-07-05T17:17:00.000-05:00

The taste
The shape
The feel
Of the air that I try to breathe

The savor
The substance
The stirrings
Of the atmosphere that I cannot see

Blowing around me
Out of control
Tumult is all that I know

The machine
The movement
All the motion
Is perpetual & does not cease

The turmoil
The trouble
The tragedy
Is always with me & all that I believe

Blowing around me
Out of control
Tumult is all that I know
It doesn't stop
There is no cessation
I pray for a pause, but it never shows

Windswept
Lifeblown
I find that I'm alone again
I reach forth
Outstretched
I wish and I hope from relief from the wind.

It doesn't stop
There is no cessation
I pray for a pause, but it never shows

APN
Copyright, 07/02/2006

Genesis 28

2006-06-30T01:32:00.000-05:00

Jacob’s Dream at Bethel
Or
People CAN Have Visions Without the Use of Hallucinogens

You see, I like stories. I enjoy them quite a lot. With stories, I am allowed to derive what ever point, content, purpose, plan, and/or theme I choose, with the full knowledge that the conclusion I arrive at could be totally different than the one that the author may have intended. And with stories such as the one in Genesis, there are so many twists and turns that it can prove difficult to stop reading. Or, as in the case of historical Jewish culture and similar cultures where history is conveyed through the oral tradition, the listener tries every means possible to keep the storyteller talking because the story is so enthralling that you want to find out exactly what will be happening next.

It is in this spirit that we approach our continuation of Jacob’s story in this chapter. The chapter markings that fill up contemporary Bibles were not part of the original texts and the standard division between chapter and verse was not achieved until the 16th century, just in time for the KJV to enter into mass production in 1611. Thus, anyone who read the Bible before this time would only read the story as it had been written, not being forced to stop by artificially imposed endings to chapters. And even more than that, those who were listening these stories were subjected to the whims of the storyteller who might have ended the recitation for the day whenever they felt like it.

I say all of that to say this – most scholars, when writing about Genesis 28 and focusing their remarks appropriately, combine Genesis 27:46 with Genesis 28:1-9 as a commentary upon how Isaac and Rebekah view Esau’s choice of wives and Jacob’s coming search for a wife. Specifically, Isaac’s blessing of Jacob is a reiteration of the blessing from chapter 27 and an echo of how Father Abraham sent The Servant to look for a wife (Rebekah) for Isaac. Some scholars also note that this section exists to provide a positive and theological context for Jacob’s flight, as if the composers wanted to show that Jacob wasn’t really leaving because of Esau – he was leaving to perpetuate the Promise and find an appropriate wife. (Brueggemann, p237) Moreover, this scene mirrors the events concerning the wives taken by Isaac and Ishmael – Jacob gets the benefit of the blessing and the chosen wife, while Esau reacts negatively and incorrectly by choosing wives from amongst the Hittites and by marrying his first cousin (Ishmael’s daughter). (Alter, p147) It is no wonder that Rebekah’s reaction to Esau’s choices in 27:46 is one of revulsion (and yet another example of her preferring the younger over the elder) – her complaint produces Isaac’s sending off Jacob to Paddan-Aram, in harmony with her sending of Jacob to Laban in 27:43-44. (Berlin & Brettler, p 58)

“When he [Jacob] reached a certain place, he stopped for the night because the sun had set. Taking one of the stones there, he put it under his head and lay down to sleep. He had a dream in which he saw a stairway, resting on the earth, with its top reaching to heaven, and the angels of the Lord were ascending and descending on it.” (Genesis 28:11-12, TNIV)

Thus, while the core of the story in this chapter is contained within verses 10 through 22, detailing the beginnings of Jacob’s flight from home and the subsequent vision of the ladder/stairway leading to heaven, it seems that Jacob himself is unprepared for what’s about to happen to him. For you see, as opposed to his grandfather Abraham, Jacob had not experienced any contact with God when he launched across the desert. Moreover, in further contrast to Abraham, the reader knows a great deal about Jacob biographically at this point, whereas with Abraham, besides noting the names of his siblings and his wife’s infertility, the reader knew nothing of his personality and character when God first comes to visit him. (Hamilton, p238) In fact, when you examine what we learned about Abraham over the course of 15 chapters with what we have learned about Jacob in the last 3 chapters, one would find it hard to believe that God would really consider either Esau or Jacob to carry on the Promise that had been given to Father Abraham. Esau was a wild man who cared nothing for the birthright and what it truly meant, while Jacob, though understanding the true significance of the birthright and blessing, decided steal it from his brother instead of waiting on God to fulfill the prophecy given to Rebekah.

However, in a move that confuses (or should!) the “morality police” and gossipmongers of past, present, and future, God tends to choose some strange people to prod along the story. It appears that, no matter whatever prophecy or promise is at stake, the character of the one who will fulfill it often doesn’t really matter to God. Thus, Jacob travels towards his mother’s old home and to wherever his father has deemed appropriate to find a wife, unbeknownst to God’s higher purposes and desire for Jacob to truly receive Isaac’s blessing, regardless of Jacob’s tendency towards trickery and deceit. (Berlin & Brettler, p58) Thus, when Jacob awakes from his dream (or in the midst of his dream) to find angels walking up and down a set of stairs that stretch from heaven to earth, he is wholly unprepared to hear from God.

Jacob has never had any contact with God directly, something we can directly intuit from the text’s silence on any communication between God and Jacob up to this point. And that is often how God prefers it to happen. Jacob is running away from his brother fearfully, seeking to save only his own skin, sent off to find a wife by his parents just so he doesn’t start wandering and marry someone who was a local and not suitable for entrance into the First Family. Jacob’s agenda doesn’t include anything close to the will of God and God runs with that fact in how the conversation with Jacob comes to take place. (Brueggemann, p242)

“Then Jacob rose early in the morning, and he took the stone that he had put under his head and set it up for a pillar and poured oil on the top of it. He called that place Bethel…” (Genesis 28:18-19a, NRSV)

What a transformation Jacob underwent in the verses preceding his response here. Jacob enters into a dream and comes to stare in awe at the angels walking up and down the stairs between heaven and earth. God appears beside Jacob and proclaims to him the same promise that his grandfather Abraham received, and does this as the God of his grandfather and father. Isaac never had this experience and never blessed Jacob with the details of this promise; thus, while Jacob probably heard the stories about his grandfather, there is no evidence textually to state that Isaac or Jacob ever lived in light of these promises. If one were to compare the details of the Promise from Genesis 12, 13, and 17 to those in Genesis 28, the similarities would be overwhelming to the extent that they would seem quite verbatim. God extends to Jacob these promises: 1) the land on which Jacob sleeps will be his and his offspring’s; 2) his offspring will be as innumerable as the dust of the earth; 3) the peoples of the earth will be blessed by his offspring; and 4) God will be with Jacob, no matter where he travels. And upon waking from such a specific and direct line of communication with God, Jacob leaps headlong into loving God and acknowledging God’s presence in his life and in that place. (Brueggemann, p246) From there, Jacob worships a God through the building of a physical monument, the consecrating the direction of his life to trusting God for everything, and honoring God with a tenth of whatever God gives to him first.

A great many commentators give much attention to the physical and historical aspects of the events of this chapter. Whether they attempt to locate the location of this God-to-man communication, discuss the finer aspects of the building of the pillar/monument, or whether or not the angels were walking up and down a ladder or stairway, they spend more time trying to ascertain the specifics rather than gain a glimpse into the transformation that has taken place in Jacob’s life. Now, I do not ever want to dismiss such critiques and information from these authors; in fact, I find much of it to be great illumination into why Jacob chose to erect a physical monument as he made a verbal, spiritual declaration about the course of the rest of his life. However, I feel that some missed the larger, over-arching purpose of God’s entrance into Jacob’s life – Jacob needed this experience, this visitation from the God of Heaven. Before this dream, Jacob had lived a life by his own means and for his own ends, never truly taking the lives of others into consideration (besides obeying the whims of his mother). But after the dream, Jacob realized that he had received a literal and figurative wake-up call for his life – he became heir not only to his family’s physical possessions, but to their spiritual legacy and heritage. The birthright for which he had schemed and deceived for so long was much more important, significant, and eternal than he had ever imagined or dreamed.

We need to

2006-06-27T17:56:00.000-05:00

Breathe
(That's it....)
Breathe in
(Nice and slow....)
Breathe deeply
(Fill your lungs....)
Breathe out
(Be cleansed....)

Breathe again
(It's been too long....)
Breathe afresh
(The air has been stale....)
Breathe anew
(As if never before....)

Breathe
(Just breathe....)

APN
Copyright 06/25/2006

Acceptance and More....

2006-06-21T10:49:00.000-05:00

So, it has finally happened. After three or so weeks of waiting, after a great phone interview with the Admissions Representative, after 3-6 months of batting around the idea, after 3-6 months of considering a wonderful offer from my current place of employment, after conversation upon conversation with people very important and essential to my life...

I have OFFICIALLY been accepted for enrollment to Biblical Seminary, located in Hatfield, PA, an hour north of Philadelphia, PA. Technically, I will begin working on a Masters of Theology (MTh), but there's a great chance that I'll be shifting to a three-year Masters of Divinity Program (MDiv) after the first year. I somehow anticipate that I will fall in love with studying the OT & NT in their original languages of Hebrew & Greek, respectively. Thus, such a love will predicate my staying in seminary longer to study/learn/grow in order to better prepare myself to work in & to bring about the Kingdom of God on Earth.

I'm really excited about what's going on in my life -- from the classes I'll be taking, to the opportunity to move to a new place to live, to meet new people, to experience new things, to see where God will be taking my life over the next 3-5 years. Financial Aid has not been finalized, as I haven't learned how much I'll be needing. However, I am hoping that somehow some of my costs will be allayed through grants, scholarships, and whatever money might be available that I won't have to take out in student loans. Granted, I know that I'll probably HAVE to take out some loans, but I also feel that there are just some costs that I won't have to worry about incurring (namely housing). I'm hoping to secure a job up there, working about 20 hours a week at $10/hour to cover bills, gas, food, & other little things that people shouldn't have to put on credit or student loans.

So, I'm sitting beside my bed looking at a stack of commentaries and Bibles thinking about how often this scene will be replayed over the next 2-3 (or more!) years and I get all giddy inside, with a twinge of nervousness. I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I have butterflies fluttering around and banging repeatedly into the sides of my stomach lining. Moving across the country to where I'll basically not know ANYONE is quite a daunting prospect, but I know that, regardless of the social tension that might arise, I will be capable of surmounting it. If anything, I'm like my mother in this respect -- I'll talk to a tree if it stands still long enough.

And if anyone is interested, I'm hoping to do all of my packing on Saturday, September 2nd, so COME HELP ME PACK!! I'll be leaving the Houston area 6-8AM on Labor Day, Monday, September 4th, making a stop in Little Rock or Memphis the first night, stopping somewhere in Virginia the second night, and arriving at school sometime in the evening of Wednesday, September 6th. The school's opening ceremony/get-together will be Saturday, September 9th and the first day of school will be Monday, September 11th.

I can't wait!

Eyes are the Windows to the Soul, or So She's Told...

2006-06-16T09:31:00.000-05:00

She struggles
to collect her thoughts,
even though
tongue-tied she's normally not.

She loves
to love everyone around her,
as if
the whole world is what she's after.

Passionate persuasion
Divine intervention
Fervent personality
Continued conversation

She's figured out
how she must live out her days.
But she's worried
that people she knows might walk away.

Because she sees
that her love is not what they have.
So she hopes
that the One she loves brings them back.

Imminent destruction
Painful intersection
Tearful frustration
Heartfelt confrontation

Watch what you love dear
and also who.
Let your story be real dear
and also true.

Resolution?
Not yet.
Are you ready?
Almost.

APN.
Copyright 06/11/2006

Net Neutrality

2006-06-09T10:31:00.000-05:00

To all of you wonderful people who read my blog and have no clue what my title is about, I offer this lovely post --

Independent Political Bloggers (or bloggers in general who don't want the FBI, CIA, NSA, or similar departments snooping around in your content) MUST MUST MUST get informed on this topic. This is becoming a non-partisan issue that has brought together people from many different political stripes in an effort to keep available our right to free speech and to keep the Internet an open place to conduct such free speech. Don't be duped into thinking about this from the economic terms that might/maybe reduce your phone/cable/internet bills. To sign onto the Cope Act and its tenets only serves to inhibit the average American's and the average American dissenter's right to say what they think over the Internet without fear of that content being a) screened and deleted and b) from being reported to the federal government. Do yourselves a favor and get educated as soon as possible!

Here's a link to Wikipedia's definition/discussion on Net Neutrality.

Courtesy of Alliance for Community Media
House Passes Cope Act
The US House of Representatives passed the COPE Act in the dead of night by a three to one margin despite the efforts of those working in the public interest. The bill, which was largely written by the Bell Telephone companies, will fundamentally change the ability of our cities to control and be compensated for the use of public land on which the cable and internet systems depend. The Alliance was able to avert a last minute disaster-- an amendment which would have stripped as much as 1/2 of funding for PEG centers on top of the potential losses already in the bill. This was due to a last minute understanding between the Alliance and Representative Sheila Jackson-Lee who graciously withdrew the amendment. She should be commended for her understanding. The Senate is working on similar legislation. Time requires that those who care about Access and the internet speak loudly to prevent the same bad legislation from passing through the Senate.

And courtesy of Democracy Now!
House Passes Controversial COPE Telecom Bill, Rejects Amendment to Protect Net Neutrality

Friday, June 9th, 2006

The House voted on legislation yesterday that could determine the future of the Internet and public access television in this country. We examine the implications of the Communications Opportunity, Promotion and Enhancement Act - known as the COPE bill - with Anthony Riddle of the Alliance for Community Media. [includes rush transcript]

The House voted on legislation yesterday that could determine the future of the internet and public access television in this country. In a vote of 321 to 101, the House voted to pass the Communications Opportunity, Promotion and Enhancement Act, known as the COPE bill. This controversial telecommunications legislation would permit phone and cable companies to operate Internet and other digital communications service as private networks, free of policy safeguards or governmental oversight. The bill would effectively end what is known as "net neutrality" which is the concept that that everyone, everywhere, should have free, universal and non-discriminatory access to the Internet. The bill would also cut back the obligation of cable TV companies to devote channels to public access and fund the facilities to run them. And the COPE bill would replace local cable franchises with national franchises.
Democratic Massachusetts Representative Ed Markey had proposed an amendment to the COPE bill that would have included stiff net neutrality regulations and prevented broadband providers from treating some Internet sites differently from others but the amendment was rejected.

Rep. Ed Markey (D - MA), speaking on the House floor, June 8th, 2006.
Opposition to the COPE bill came from all corners. The "Save The Internet" coalition, representing musicians, special interest groups, bloggers, and others, delivered almost 800,000 petition signatures to Congress in favor of net neutrality. Internet companies have also spoken out against provisions in the bill. Sergey Brin, co-founder of the search engine Google, met with members of the Commerce Committee to explain the importance of net neutrality for promoting Internet commerce and the CEO of E-bay Meg Whitman took the unusual step of personally e-mailing the auction site's users to ask their support for promoting net neutrality protections. eBay stated that the e-mail reached over a million users.
Anthony Riddle, executive director of the Alliance for Community Media.

AMY GOODMAN: This is Congressman Markey speaking from the House floor yesterday.

CONGRESSMAN MARKEY: Let me just make this point once again. The Bell companies had nothing to do with the creation of the Internet. The Bell companies had nothing to do with the development of the World Wide Web. The Bell companies had nothing to do with the browser and its development. In fact, AT&T was asked if they wanted to build the Internet, the packet-switched network in 1966. They turned the contract down when the government went to them. And so a company named BB&N, Bolt, Beranek, & Newman got the contract, a very small company -- not AT&T. They had nothing to do with the development of the Internet, but now, at this late date, they want to come in and to create these bottleneck control points that allow them to extract Internet taxes, Internet fees from companies and individuals who have been using the Internet for a generation. It is this absence of non-discriminatory language in the Manager’s Amendment and in the bill to which I object.

AMY GOODMAN: We're joined by Anthony Riddle. He’s the executive director of the Alliance for Community Media. Welcome to Democracy Now! Is net neutrality over?

ANTHONY RIDDLE: No, I'd say that we're halfway to the apocalypse right now. There's been a fairly bad bill for the Internet and for public media that has gone through the House. It’s the COPE Act, and it was passed in the dead of night last night, 3-1 margin. Effectively, it continues this sort of decision that was made by the Supreme Court last year in August which changed the Internet fundamentally. Before that time, it was understood that all data on the Internet was to be treated equally and that nobody was to block any information going from anyone to anyone. With the Supreme Court decision in last night's bill, the companies that operate the wires or fibers that bring the Internet to and from your house have the ability to offer preferential treatment for pay, and also to block any content that they deem opposing their business interests.

AMY GOODMAN: So users already pay Internet service per month. So this does the other end, the content providers, people who put up websites would also have to pay?

ANTHONY RIDDLE: No, they actually pay already now. You know, if you have a website, you have to pay for space on the website and you have to pay for a pipeline for people to reach, and however big that pipeline is for people to come to your web site, that determines how many people can access your webstreams or whatever. So people are paying on both ends already. What they're trying to do right now is get people to pay for the middle, so that you can pay for an EZ-Pass lane if you're Disney and have a lot of money, and if you don't, then you're going to have to sit in the long lines waiting to go through the toll booth.

AMY GOODMAN: Is this Senate going to approve this kind of bill?

ANTHONY RIDDLE: There's a set of bills in the Senate that are very similar. There's some differences or whatever. What the Senate will have to do is pass a bill and then the two houses will have to get together and do what they call a “conference committee.” Since both of those houses are controlled by the same party, you know, with large majorities, they can actually change the bills in toto in this conversation. They don't have to stick to the bills that were actually passed. They can add anything or take anything out as long as both houses agree.

AMY GOODMAN: So what is your hope for the Senate?

ANTHONY RIDDLE: This is what I hope: what I hope is that the people who are within the range of this program and all over the United States will check in on this matter. This is of vital importance. We need every kind of community organization that is organized to check in and say that they oppose the Internet being controlled the way that it's being proposed to be controlled, and that public media like PEG – Public, Educational, and Government access -- needs to have the kind of funding that it's had and that it needs to survive. That we need to be able to have the kind of channel capacity that we need in the future, because this is -- this bill is really for the long distant future.

AMY GOODMAN: Now, these are two separate issues. One is net neutrality and the Internet, and the other is public access and saving it, and they're together in the COPE bill or whatever version will also be in the Senate. So what has happened with access now? You were protesting at Congressmember Sheila Jackson Lee's offices.

ANTHONY RIDDLE: Well, there was an amendment added to the COPE Act at the last minute, which would have allowed half of public access funding to be taken to provide an incentive for women and minority owners of small cable systems, which is really a good issue, and it was well-intended, but I think Jackson Lee didn't quite understand what was at stake, that public access, for instance, has the most female subjects, female-run produced programming, the most managers, the same with minorities. This is where we go, you know, to get our message out because we can't get it out anywhere. When she understood that, she very graciously agreed to withdraw the bill with the idea that Congressman Markey and Dingle and some of the others would help to address this issue in a different way. But we averted losing half of P.E.G. funding just last night, just before the vote.

AMY GOODMAN: You were in the gallery when Markey was making a statement and the vote.

ANTHONY RIDDLE: Yes. He made a very impassioned statement. It was really good. It's such a contrast to see Markey making this statement about freedom and understanding and how people ought to be able to interact, and then to see the other side making these impassioned pleas that we should pass this plea, because what the American people need is $20 off of their cable TV bill.

AMY GOODMAN: Well, wasn’t it Mike McCurry, the former spokesperson for President Clinton, who really was the front man, the spokesperson for the key lobbyist for a kind of Astroturf campaign where progressive bloggers had ads on their websites that said, you know, stop government interference or regulation of the Internet.

ANTHONY RIDDLE: This is -- yeah, you're right, and this is like 1984. If they're saying stop government interference, what they really mean is we want interference. It's just like the clean air act. It's been amazing. You know, I've known how the government ran for a long time, but I never really understood the power of money. In California, where there's a similar bill being offered at the state level, the telephone company bought every single lobbyist in the state. When the Cable Television Association went to get a lobbyist, there was not a lobbyist to be found, not even for them. When we talk about over on the hill, Verizon had over 200 lobbyists, just on this bill. That's not even talking about AT&T. They’ve bought every single person they could work on.

AMY GOODMAN: Do you think this is payoff to the telecoms for cooperating with the government and the N.S.A., and handing over the phone logs of tens of millions of Americans?

ANTHONY RIDDLE: I don't want to sound cynical, but I think that's absolutely what happened. I think, you know, the government goes and they say, you know, we've got this massive legislation that's really important to you, this is what you really want, you wrote it, we can pass it, this is what we need of you. You bring up a really good point, because what we're talking about is handing over the complete communication system to people who have no regard for your privacy, who will hand stuff over without warrant or anything. I think people really need to be up in arms about this.

AMY GOODMAN: When does the Senate vote?

ANTHONY RIDDLE: We keep hearing different things, it's hard to tell. I know they all want to get out before summer starts so that they can get back and campaign, because it's campaign season. But if the people check in really heavily on net neutrality, on public access –

AMY GOODMAN: Where do they find that information?

ANTHONY RIDDLE: They can go to the Alliance website, which is www.alliancecm.org, they can go to www.saveaccess.org and they can also go to the Free Press site, which is Save the Internet. We implore all organizations – we’ve even got the Christian Coalition and the N.R.A. involved in this, because everybody understands that if you have anything that's remotely not mainstream, that this can be blocked if these measures go through.

AMY GOODMAN: Anthony Riddle, I want to thank you very much for being with us, executive director of the Alliance for Community Media.

Thoughts For, About, and Because of Pentecost Sunday

2006-06-04T19:27:00.000-05:00

Fear was brought together this day.
Fractured, scared, bewhildered people
collected themselves because they'd just been told to and
not
because they possessed any kind of understanding.

The Twelve and their friends,
all disciples of the Risen Christ, went to the Holy City to
wait,
wait,
wait,
wait,
and wait somemore.
And they did this all because some angel spoke to them
as they watched their Saviour float away into the clouds.

Scared and hiding,
yet somehow obedient and hopeful,
they gathered together in an attempt to form the
ONE
out of many that their Rabbi asked them to create
and told them would be born
when the Comfort arrived.

(Anticipation in a small room gets quite frantic for most people,
dredging up an impatience that's truly maddening...)

But when they least expected it,
and in the most unlikely way possible,
the Wind came,
bringing them the Flame,
and initiating the arrival of the Means by which
the Church would become
ONE,
in order to spread out amongst
the many around the world and throughout history.

On this day, we celebrate the birthing
God-ordained,
God-breathed,
God-blessed Church --
followers of the Christ,
carriers of the Spirit, and
propogators of the Gospel.

APN
Copyright 06/04/2006

Pinpricks as Friends

2006-05-30T15:31:00.000-05:00

The swells crash against each other, as
billows threaten to fill up and
fill out the night sky. I sit and
watch as the black and
the grey overwhelm the blue and
the white. The ebb and
the flow of these growing masses
stretch out across the paths of
the infinite heavens.

Can I face them?
Will I be overtaken?
Will the darkness find a way to consume us all?

A crackle, a crease, a seam,
the merest beam of light
finds its way down to me.
I snicker and
laugh at the gall of this tiny
tincture of brightness that has
broken through the clouds.

What is this?

It seems that it cannot last anymore
than a match I would strike. It is but a
temporary source in the frightening mass of
unseeing and
unknowing
currently pummeling the earth.

But
it lasts and
it stays and
it continues to provoke my wonder, as
its presence last far beyond any and
all of my prescriptions and
predictions.

For by this glimmer, my eyes can
gain an image of what surrounds me. Whereas before,
I had no means of seeing amidst the tumult of
atmosphere, I now have a way of making a path through
the disturbance.

To ask to see true daybreak is to ask too much at this time.
But the companionship provided by this little spark is
exactly
what
I
need.

APN.
Copyright 05/14/2006

Guilty as Charged (and it's about damn time)!!

2006-05-25T11:16:00.000-05:00

Courtesy of the BBC, CNN, and the KPFT Local News Team,it seems that formerly duped Houstonians and former Enron employees everywhere are receiving justice today. Ken Lay was found guilty on 6 of the 6 charges against him in the principal case and 4 of 4 counts in a secondary case. Jeffery Skilling has been found guilty on 19 of the 28 charges against him, though found not guilty of all of the insider trading charges. The most damning counts against them are those of the fraud and conspiracy charges. Skilling faces a maximum of 185 years in prison and Lay faces a maximum of 165 years in prison as sentencing has not been determined.

More will be forthcoming as the news & analysis unfolds, breaks, and reveals itself.

Ahhhh.... Summertime plans in the works....

2006-05-15T18:21:00.000-05:00

I must say, with any luck, I shall have a quite busy summer and that makes me really excited. The list of possible shows, trips, and roadtrips are currently as follows:

June 8th -- Arctic Monkeys at The Warehouse (Houston, TX)
June 14 -- Murder By Death at Walter's on Washington (Houston, TX)
June 16th-18th -- Bonnaroo (Manchester, TN)
Artists playing to include:
RADIOHEAD
Death Cab for Cutie
Bright Eyes
Common
Robert Randolph and the Family Band
Sonic Youth
My Morning Jacket
Cat Power
Son Volt
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
The Streets

July 7th -- Danielson at Walter's on Washington (Houston, TX)
Sometime between July 8th and July 22nd, I'm planning to visit Philadelphia, PA with some friends to visit a missional community up there and the seminary I'm planning to attend in the Fall.
July 23rd -- The Appleseed Cast at Walter's on Washington (Houston, TX)
July 26th -- Diplo at The Warehouse (Houston, TX)
August 9th -- Bloc Party at The Warehouse (Houston, TX)

Anyone else have any plans (besides Carrie) we should all know about? Any concerts that I should be attending with you?? Let me know!!

Peace.

Media (in video)!

2006-05-12T16:37:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure that I could have ever resisted posting this video here. Please forgive my shamelessness....

Get this video and more at MySpace.com

ENJOY!!

The first steps on the journey have been taken...

2006-05-11T14:54:00.000-05:00

Well, it’s official – I have completed my application to seminary. The waiting game now begins, but I’m quite OK with that waiting time. I have spent the last 4-6 months of praying, conversing, sharing, debating, and pondering with others and myself as to if I should be pursing graduate-level work in Waldorf education and working for The Harvest as a Grades level teacher or attending seminary as a way to step into full-time ministry (with an option to seek more theological training and education afterwards). Often, I would fall on one side with great weight and great determination, only to pick myself up and hoist my present and future onto the other side with equal resolve and belief in my decision. But this one has been made and I am excited to see what lies ahead for the next 2-3 years.

For most of February and March, I had decided to pursue both options equally, feeling that, having been given the chance to make a choice, I would be best served by walking down both paths for as long as possible, in hopes that my way would be illuminated at some point. I began communicating with representatives from Biblical Seminary and Regent College to determine which institution would be best suited for me and I for them. I eventually chose Biblical because of their focus upon training and educating pastors and lay leaders who cannot afford to attend seminary full-time because of the fact that they’re already in full-time ministry. Having such a program and heavily promoting such a program by Biblical was the impetus I needed to select them over Regent.

From the other side of the fence, The Harvest, a school and community that has been absolutely wonderful and redemptive for me in the past year, offered me a job opportunity that was quite hard to refuse. For every summer/year of training that I attended (funded by monies that I and the school attained through loans), by working at the school for the school year, those loans would be waived. They were offering a one-to-one, loan-to-grant arrangement wherein I would be working with children and teaching music all week long, training as a Grades teacher. This has been a place full of staff, faculty, parents, and children who have loved me, accepted me, honored me, encouraged me, and shown me intense love and appreciation for my talents and abilities. They sincerely were investing a great deal into my life and I have been greatly humbled throughout the school year by being a part of their lives.

But during the course of Holy Week – Maundy Thursday, Gethsemane Vigil, Good Friday, and Easter Sunday – I experienced a moment of clarity of purpose that I had been seeking after during my quest. I came to the belief that, had I chosen the training that The Harvest was offering me, I would have been relying upon my life, my own abilities, and myself in general. By staying in the Houston area for the next 3-4 years, I would not have grown in ways in which I feel I should been – seeing the larger world around me, experiencing an intense theological education I feel would be foundational to the rest of my life, and following my heart and passion for God and the God’s creation.

However, by choosing to attend seminary for the next 2-3 years, I am going to be relying on God’s guidance to see me through on this path. My funding has not been confirmed – I am seeking grants from the school, seriously considering loans, and definitely looking to work 16-20 hours a week at a job. I cannot rely on myself in these situations – I will second-guess my decisions and backpedal from what I do not and cannot know; but by leaving this to God, I am going to be living according to a depth of faith that I will totally new, fresh, exciting, engaging, and exhilarating – all while being quite scary and frightening. I’d be naïve not to be nervous in making this step of faith, but it has to be made.

The Harvest has been fabulously supportive of my decision and I will be doing free-lance work for them all summer long: helping with their website, editing and compiling a revised set of handbooks, and development of their overall program. The rest of my summer will be spent in preparation for my departure: securing funds, attaining a job, finding a place to live, and saying good-bye to my family and friends in Texas. And oh yeah – I’m hoping to complete between 30-35 chapters of my Genesis commentary before the summer ends. That project has been such a stabilizing (yet freeing) creative and theological force in my life during this tumult. If anything, Genesis In My Eyes has been both my muse and the motivation behind my decision – I want to do justice to my writing and to the lives & stories in the book of Genesis.

To everyone I’ve talked to about this decision – thank you for everything. I love you all so very much and, if you’re a Texas resident, I will miss you tremendously. Your support, encouragement, and kicks-in-the-ass will never be forgotten; it is because of them that I write this today. Peace…

Media!

2006-05-06T18:11:00.000-05:00

BOOKS!

The End of the Affair : Graham Greene

The Humanity of God : Karl Barth

Living and Active : Telford Work

Love in the Time of Cholera : Gabriel Garcia Marquez

The Moviegoer : Walker Percy

One Hundred Years of Solitude : Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Pride & Prejudice : Jane Austen

V for Vendetta : Alan Moore & David Lloyd

Who's Afraid of Postmodernism : James K. A. Smith

MOVIES!

Broken Flowers : Jim Jarmusch & Bill Murray

Coffee & Cigarettes : Jim Jarmusch & Whole LOT of people (including Bill Murray)

Thank You for Smoking : Aaron Eckhart, Katie Holmes, Robert Duvall, & Others

American Dreamz : Hugh Grant, Mandy Moore, Dennis Quaid, Willem Dafoe, & Others

MUSIC!

Singles : The Smiths

Catch For Us the Foxes : mewithoutYou

Pearl Jam : Pearl Jam

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah! : Clap Your Hands Say Yeah!

I Am a Bird Now : Antony & the Johnsons

The Life Pursuit : Belle & Sebastian

Hot Fuss : The Killers

Feels : Animal Collective

Upon Appearing

2006-05-05T17:29:00.000-05:00

In celebration of the Father & Mother Blessing held for my wonderful friends --

You
are more than survivors.
You
didn't just barely make it.
There weren't any skins
of any teeth that were shed. And
you
didn't just slide in
under the door to get here.

For you see,

This coming,
This advent,
This arrival,
is glorious, is joyful, is to be celebrated.

And it is so much greater than
you
could have ever imagined.

The path had not been for the weak,
but, throughout this journey,
it has been God who has been strong
for
you,
in
you,
and whose strength flows out of
you,
all over the others in your lives.

She
is more than a survivor.
She
didn't just barely make it.
She
is victorious.
She
is miraculous.

She is here.

APN.
Copyright 05/05/2006

"Yes, I love technology...."

2006-05-05T15:53:00.000-05:00

Thanks to my friend Troy for this wonderful picture. If needed, click on the picture to read the quite hilarious caption. Enjoy.

Watch these videos. All three of them! All of you!!

2006-05-01T23:39:00.000-05:00

Just in case you missed it or haven't heard about it yet, I bring you this link from my friend over at her Current Events Discussion Board on MySpace. Check out her work and get yourselves educated.

Yes, that does mean that I too have a MySpace profile, and yes, that does mean that if you ask nicely, I might give you the link. And if you're really nice, I might even accept your Friend Invitation.

And with no further ado, I give you --

Stephen Colbert's Roast of President George W. Bush

Once again, proof that Stephen Colbert has balls, and a damn fine sense of humor.

Genesis 18:16-33

2006-04-27T15:03:00.000-05:00

Abraham Barters With God for the Souls of Sodom
Or
How to Argue With God and Come Out Ahead

Am I proposing that Abraham really came out ahead in this discussion? Did Abraham “win” this debate with God concerning the potential deliverance of the inhabitants of Sodom and Gomorrah? Not hardly, but what I would like to proffer forth is the idea that, because God was so convinced of Abraham’s righteousness and faith, Abraham was allowed to bargain, haggle, and negotiate with God. Abraham and God held an intense discussion regarding who would live, who would die, and how Abraham wanted God to save everyone.

“Abraham does not doubt the existence of God’s justice; he only asks its extent and limitations. The important thing is that he asks altogether and that God does not reject his question out of hand. The Bible thereby makes clear that man may, with impunity, question the behavior of God. Like Abraham, man need not surrender his own sense of justice; he remains free to accept or reject the divine judgment – although he will have to submit to it in the end. Man is not reduced to a moral automaton; his spiritual freedom is preserved.” (Plaut, p133)

Now, I was raised in a church culture that very much believed that only those people who are absolutely snow-white pure in their righteousness and faithfulness will be allowed to talk directly to God. God would listen only to those people who toed the appropriate set of lines, followed all of the rules, never sinned, always believed, and lived seemingly perfect lives. And the sad thing is that similar beliefs aren’t confined to the denomination in which I grew up. Many different wings of a variety of denominations (and non-denominations) propagate such unhealthy lines of thinking, whether through “health & wealth” teaching or through isolationist and overly-exclusionist doctrines of salvation.

However, Abraham’s own lack of belief and ill-timed actions in many circumstances (see Genesis 16) should allay any truth in such claims. God visited Abraham and Sarah several times over the course of their lives, because Abraham, ultimately, had faith in God, not because he did everything right, all of the time. Am I giving license to sin? Am I letting Abraham and Sarah off the hook for what they did and did no do? Not really, but what I am attempting to do is present the grand story of the founding family of the Jews as an example of how anyone can communicate with God, if they believe that God is there and that God does listen.

Reading through verses 16-21, we see Abraham following God and the two angelic beings on their way down to Sodom, as the three visitors began to discuss amongst themselves whether or not Abraham would be told the details of the soon-coming events. God reiterates the promises that have been given to Abraham and Sarah, while stating plainly that Abraham, because of his status in the world (and in God’s eyes), has a right to know what’s about to happen. And what’s about to happen is the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah because of their great sin against God, the status of which God’s two fellow travelers are going to ascertain.

“There is a combination of anthropomorphism (God being given humanlike qualities) and theodicy (explanation of divine action) in this story and in the Tower of Babel episode (Gen 11). In both cases, to demonstrate divine justice and fairness, God ‘comes down’ to investigate a situation before taking action.” (Walton, Matthews, and Chavalas; p50)

However, while it not explicitly mentioned in the text, it does seem that Abraham is quite aware of what’s being discussed between the three men. (Berlin and Brettler, p40) Thus, it seems that, contrary to everything you’ve heard about a highly vengeful Old Testament God, it might not be true at all. God allows Abraham to hear the conversation he had with the two men, God is sending those two men give the cities one last look-through, and God quite readily listens to Abraham’s pleadings for the souls and lives of the people of Sodom. (Plaut, p133) Thus, even with a city whose social and religious transgressions were as well documented as Sodom’s, God feels like there might be something (or someone) redeemable about it and their sister city of Gomorrah, a task that God allows Abraham to take part in (Berlin and Brettler, p40).

“Haggling is a part of all Middle Eastern business transactions. In this case, however, Abraham’s determination of the exact number of righteous persons needed to prevent the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah provides a repeated demonstration of God’s just actions. A just God will not destroy the righteous without warning or investigation. Even the unrighteous, in this early period, can be spared for the sake of the righteous. On the other hand, justice is not served by overlooking wickedness. The discussion of the number of righteous people may concern not whether they can balance the wickedness of the rest, but whether, given time, they might be able to exert a reforming influence.” (Walton, Matthews, and Chavalas; p50)

What follows is one of the most curious conversations between a human and God ever recorded in a religious text. Compare Job’s talks with God to Abraham’s – they are quite different in that Job talks to God as any confused and bewildered believer might when faced with hardship and trial. He begins by speaking reverently to God (Job 1 & 2), rails against God (Job 31), hears God chastise him (Job 38-41), and returns again to his reverence at the end of the book (Job 42). Throughout this chapter, Abraham and God, on the other hand, debate the future of the two cities as nearly equals. Now, Abraham doesn’t believe that he’s equal to God – his tone and verbiage explicates the fact that he knows that he is talking to God, and not another human being. (Berlin and Brettler, p40) However, it is quite evident that Abraham has no problem telling God exactly what he is feeling, what he is thinking, and what he thinks God should and should not do.

“Far be it from you to do such a thing, to put the righteous to death with the wicked, so that the righteous fare as the wicked! Far be that from you! Shall not the Judge of all the earth do what is just?” (Genesis 18:25, ESV)

Verse 25, in many ways, is the fulcrum of the whole conversation, for, by appealing to God’s own sense of justice and mercy, Abraham is seeking to save the whole of Sodom on behalf of the few righteous inhabitants who are still inside the city. Abraham is fully aware that the city has transgressed mightily against God, and deserves their punishment, but hopes to make God see that the righteous people inside the city don’t deserve punishment. (Plaut, p133) Furthermore, by looking at verse 27, Abraham continues with the debate, but does so by stating blatantly that God really doesn’t have to listen to Abraham, since Abraham is “but dust and blood” (ESV), though he employs such self-deprecation in an effort to not have God ignore the pleadings of a mere human. (Alter, p82) Over and over again, Abraham hopes to see the salvation of the righteous in Sodom, no matter whether or not it’s merely his nephew, Lot, and his family or whoever it might be inside that city.

From there, Abraham begins to barter with God concerning the souls and salvation of the city of Sodom and Gomorrah, working God down from the initial 50 in verse 24-26, down to 10 in verse 32. He does so slowly, with precise increments, knowing that there would be no other way to “talk down God” in terms of how many righteous people it would take for God to spare the two cities. God doesn’t respond to Abraham with counter-offers, just with a brief acknowledgement that the current offer being made by Abraham will suffice to avert the destruction of the two cities. God and man are embroiled in a classic bartering conversation, a scene straight out of any Middle Easter bazaar or flea market transaction across the American South. (Alter, p82) However, the whittling-away undertaken by Abraham concludes at 10, since “Abraham realizes he dare not go any lower than ten, the minimal administrative unit for communal organization in later Israelite life.” (Alter, p83) To further supplement the reasoning by Abraham’s cessation at 10 people, another source states, “They [the rabbis] set ten as the minimal number for communal worship.” (Plaut, p133)

In general, the whole interaction, I feel, was quite a brave and noble proposition for a human to undertake, since most of us only argue with God over our own selfish desires and personal sin natures. Now, one could argue that Abraham is just looking out for Lot and his family, even though they are never mentioned in this discussion, since Abraham has rescued Lot from a grave and deadly situation in the past (Genesis 14). However, taking Abraham’s words of reverence and respect towards God into account, it would seem he is fully aware that God knows of Lot’s status as citizen of Sodom. So, to believe that Abraham was acting selfishly would be to denigrate the character of Abraham and the lengths that Abraham would go to in order to secure the deliverance of the entire city.

However, throughout all of this, God knows that there are only 4 righteous people in all of Sodom and Gomorrah – Lot, his wife, and their two daughters. One then begins to wonder why God allowed Abraham to continually petition God’s decision to destroy the cities if God knew that Abraham could never go low enough to actually save the cities. If Abraham would never go below 10 people, and there were only 4 righteous people, what was the purpose to God listening to Abraham? Couldn’t God have said, “Listen up, Abe, old buddy. I’ve promised you many things – a child, your status as the father of a great nation, your presence and wealth throughout this region. But there’s just no point in arguing with me here – there are only 4 decent people in those 2 cities, not enough righteous to ever hope to prevent Me from punishing the rest of them. I’ll find a way to save Lot and his family, but there’s not much else you can do here. Go home and make a baby with Sarah.”

And I don’t type that to be facetious or irreverent, but who hasn’t thought this when reading/studying this passage? But when I think through this whole discussion here between Abraham and God, I can’t help but wonder what God’s point is, what God’s hoping to teach Abraham and any future readers/hearers of this story. And then it hits me – God desires to communicate with us, purely and simply. God wants humanity to talk to their Creator, not out of selfish desires, but out of love – love for God and love for their fellow human. Abraham’s haggling with God is a wonderful example of this, as Abraham is looking out for others, and doing so while respecting, reverencing, and loving the all-knowing and just God that he serves faithfully. Does this mean that God was being insensitive to the righteous people who were in Sodom? Not at all – why else would the Lord’s two fellow travelers be going into Sodom if not to save Lot and Lot’s family from the city’s impending doom?

Thus, this passage loses its status as one that gives license to only the purest and most faithful to communicate with God and gives rise to a belief that anyone who has a righteous request can come to God with their appeal. It is not the petitioner who has to be righteous, but the petition. We are made righteous through faith, just as Abraham was made, and not because we have done certain acts and abstained from others. God desired to listen to Abraham because Abraham’s request was worthy of being heard, as it showed forth Abraham’s character – a character full of mercy, justice, and love for those same attributes in his God. Thus, we, as heirs and adherents to the faith of Abraham, can offer up similar supplications to God, behaving not as if we are some type of political lobbyist petitioning the Congress, but admitting our incompetence and “dustiness” to our Saviour, knowing that God wants to hear us talk and loves it when we think about someone besides our own selves.

Flailings of some sort

2006-04-24T16:51:00.000-05:00

He rushed up to the door,
banged upon it,
tried to knock it down.

His knees crashed to the floor,
hands to eye sockets,
as again he's thrown himself to the ground.

Frantically waiting
is his S.O.P.,
coupled with an outburst at the peak

Of a mania that's fleeting.
He has no peace;
he's doing his best to merely believe.

But up he rises again,
a bit bruised up,
eyes all red, hurting, wet, and sore.

Then he gives the merest grin,
hands a-tremble,
trying to find his center once more.

The door starts beating,
quite quietly,
fear strikes his sensitive nape.

The boards now squeaking,
his heart a-thump,
tongue wagging, his mouth all agape.

The walls closing tightly,
pupils all wide,
feet frozen with no idea of what to do.

Seeing is believing,
or so he's thought,
although he's learning it's not always true.

APN
Copyright 04/24/2006

Another Great Event in the History of American Foreign Policy

2006-04-19T19:08:00.000-05:00

Hello, faithful readers. Welcome to another installment of this blog's commemoration of "Another Great Event in the History of American Foreign Policy!" As usual, a brief recounting is provided here with links to other sites whose scope and availability of information is more extensive than mine. Besides, why would I want to summarize the great content present at these sources just to placate your laziness? Go read!

And now, the news....

April 15th - 19th, 2006 mark the 45th anniversary of the generally accepted days that comprise the timeframe for the infamous Bay of Pigs Invasion, where JFK's administration collaborated with Cuban exiles and refugees in an attempt to attack and overthrow Castro's government in April of 1961. The invasion and attempted coup were a distastrous failure, contributing to the Cuban Missile Crisis in 1962 and 40+ years of perpetual fits of intense paranoia between America & Cuba (not to mention the embargoes that led to the scarcity of Cuban cigars).

Thank you again for visiting us today. Come back again soon for another episode of "Another Great Event in the History of American Foreign Policy!"

Peace.

Easter Sunday (a poem & song)

2006-04-16T06:50:00.000-05:00

Easter Benediction

upon Golgotha
(where the trees hung still)
our heads slumped and swayed
to three strikes and a jab,
yes, they nailed Him down
pierced, and crowned
this unruly king of the Jews.

orphans of light
you gather tomb-side, teary-eyed calling:

"Have you seen the One?
Who warmed our hearts,
with simple truths and purest love --
Have you seen our Lord?"

Friends,
He is not here!
His forgiveness eyes opened,
threw off tomb's stone shroud,
stood up against sorrow and fear,
knocked death off its throne
and went on to the city ahead of you.

Hail our Messiah!
Conqueror of death,
rises over this third morning
splices sky into light ribbons
beaming over all that is new -- He lives!

yes! He lives and His name is Love,
(and this Love endures without end without end without end)

dear people, Praise your God!
for if you followed Him here,
you will follow Him there --
forever-renewed in His forever-world!

May the Lord ever be before you,
within you, reaching out to all the world
through you,

Go in celebration, go in peace, He is risen!

Copyright -- Kelly Hall, 04/16/2006

Christ the Lord is Risen Today

Verse 1
Christ, the Lord, is risen today, Alleluia!
Sons of men and angels say, Alleluia!
Raise your joys and triumphs high, Alleluia!
Sing, ye heavens, and earth, reply, Allelua!

Verse 5
Jesus Christ is risen today, Alleluia!
Our triumphant holy day, Alleluia!
Who did once upon the cross, Alleluia!
Suffer to redeeem our loss, Alleluia!

By: Charles Wesley -- props to songwriters who put real content in their songs....

"Beautiful, Scandalous Night" (a song for Good Friday)

2006-04-15T11:26:00.000-05:00

Go on up to the mountain of mercy
To the crimson perpetual tide
Kneel down on the shore
Be thirsty no more
Go under and be purified

Follow Christ to the holy mountain
Sinner, sorry and wrecked by the fall
Cleanse your heart and soul
In the fountain that flows
For you & for me & for all

At the wonderful tragic mysterious tree
On that beautiful scandalous night you and me
Were atoned by His blood and forever washed white
On that beautiful scandalous night

On the hillside you will be delivered
At the foot of the cross justified
And your spirit restored
By the river that pours
From our blessed Saviour's side

At the wonderful tragic mysterious tree
On that beautiful scandalous night you and me
Were atoned by His blood and forever washed white
On that beautiful scandalous night

Go on up to the mountain of mercy
To the crimson perpetual tide
Kneel down on the shore
Be thirsty no more
Go under and be purified

At the wonderful tragic mysterious tree
On that beautiful scandalous night you and me
Were atoned by his blood and forever washed white
On that beautiful scandalous night

By: Steve Hindalong & Derald Daugherty (of The Choir)
The copyright is there and not mine.
Don't steal from great musicians.

Grit That I Can't Remove (a song for Maundy Thursday)

2006-04-13T23:36:00.000-05:00

Sunbaked skin
Cracked and bruised
from many miles
of walking
from many miles
of just living.

They aren't pretty
Not even close
but they are
still mine
and still you
say come
and still you
say come.

I don't know why
I can't figure you out.
You say that my feet don't matter,
and it's my heart that does,
though my beliefs have gone south.
Just approach.

Dirt gets everywhere
Even in tiny crevices
from all of my
long nights
from all of my
long trials.

Stress breaks the skin
The cuts get infected
I can't keep my
feet clean ('cause)
I can't reach to
wash them.

And I can't say why
I won't try to figure you out
You say that my feet don't matter
and it's my heart that does,
so I believe through my doubt
and approach.

APN,
Copyright 04/13/2006

Proof that indie rock snobs DO have a sense of humor....

2006-04-10T19:20:00.000-05:00

Straight from the lovely people at Pitchfork Media, we have the ultimate indie rocker/folk singer version of PUNK'D! And the best part is -- it's Pitchfork that gets punk'd. It's wonderful. Read through the first article, then the second, and then laugh along with me!

And for those people who actually ARE interested in how my personal life is going, an update of sorts will be coming soon.

Sufjan Stevens + Rosie Thomas = New Album, Baby

Matthew Solarski reports:

Ah, springtime. It turns the world of indie into a freakin' love-fest, drawing artists to one another like bees to flowers. To make music, naturally. And sometimes...other things.

The latest salsa-hot collabo comes courtesy of lovable former Sub Pop songstress Rosie Thomas, who has recruited two fellow lovable, wholesome folkies to spruce up her latest batch of recordings. The boys in question: Sufjan Stevens and Philly singer-songwriter Denison Witmer.

The trio shacked up at Suf-jeezy's pad in New York City for three days, ate junk food, had pillow fights, and wound up recording some Thomas-penned songs on Witmer's laptop. According to Witmer's blog, Rosie played classical guitar, Sufjan plucked banjo, and Denison rocked the electric. All three sang.

In an email to Pitchfork, Thomas said, "[Sufjan and I] both decided that it would be refreshing and fun to just record some songs together on a whim and we did. The songs came out so good that we decided to finish the project this winter, and what I hoped would be an EP surprisingly turned into a full length." For the winter wrap-up, Rosie enlisted Witmer to add instrumentation and engineer.

"It was all a very organic process," mused Witmer via email. "The three of us have toured together a lot in the past, and I'm sure that had something to do with planting the idea in [Rosie's] mind. She (well, all of us) just wanted to have a fun, stress free, relaxing time recording with friends. As far as I know, that's our only real agenda at this point."

Rosie echoed his sentiments: "Somehow along the way the very thing I loved became more about touring and record labels and record deadlines and ordering tee shirts on time and press releases," she observed. "It was almost as if the business side of things took over the passion side, you know? And I desperately needed to work on something that brought me back to my core.

"Working with Sufjan reminded us both of how we used to love to write for our own sense of well being, not by any other expectation."

Since Thomas is no longer signed to Sub Pop, there's no word yet who will put out the joint recording or when the adoring masses can hear it. "Perhaps," suggested Rosie-- who also has plans to record with Iron and Wine's Sam Beam sometime soon-- "it will end up being a record we give to our families for Christmas."

And that's not all Rosie and Sufjan have been collaborating on, as the two lovesongbirds are having a baby together. Serious! For once, Pitchfork is not joking.

"Sufjan and I are also expecting and that is something we both are beaming about," wrote Rosie. "Life is good."

Awwwwwwwww-- I mean, congratulations! And somebody please phone the Guinness Book, as the world is about the embrace the Cutest Kid Ever.

And the conclusion to this great story....

Sufjan to Deliver New Album, Not New Baby

Amy Phillips reports:
Folks, we've got good news and bad news.

The good news: There's a new Sufjan Stevens album coming out!

The bad news: Sufjan and Rosie Thomas are not having a baby together.

Actually, on second thought, it's all good news. While the progeny of Sufjan and Rosie might have theoretically been the Cutest Kid Ever, raising a child takes a lot of time and energy-- time and energy that could be spent writing songs! Since Sufjan's got 48 more states to go, and Rosie has all sorts of projects in the works, we're glad they will be focusing on birthing musical offspring, rather than the crying-and-bedwetting kind.

So what's the explanation for this whole crazy mess? Well, it seems that Rosie and her and Sufjan's friend and musical collaborator, Denison Witmer, decided to pull a prank on Pitchfork and poor Sufjan. We fell for it-- hell, our information came directly from the source (Rosie), was corroborated by a close friend (Denison), and even Sufjan's publicist was being slippery about it. On second thought, maybe a publicist being slippery isn't that out of the ordinary. We feel a bit silly, but think the whole thing is pretty hilarious-- and we're still confused about why this particular story would be harder on us than it must have been on Rosie and Sufjan.

Yesterday, two weeks after the rumor was floated, all three came clean.

"I kid around so often, I forgot that some one might take me seriously," Rosie wrote in an email to Pitchfork's Matthew Solarski, who originally reported the story. "Suf and I are good buddies and I just meant it in good fun."

"The response from friends and fans has been so great, it made me actually wish I really was pregnant and I swear I got so convinced myself even that I thought I was starting to experience symptoms of morning sickness. I'll be sure to thank everyone who has been so very sweet and make sure no one feels duped. I really am very sorry, please forgive me, it was all meant in good fun I swear. Please tell people if they still want to bring diapers just to make sure that they are adult size."

Sufjan issued the following:

"First of all, I would like to thank everyone who called or sent notes of congratulations about the news of my baby. I am so proud.

"Secondly, the baby is a hoax. I had nothing to do with the baby hoax. I was as shocked as everyone else about the baby. Matthew's story was so convincing I almost believed it myself.

"Thirdly, something you need to know about Rosie is that she's really weird and she's really funny. So it's no surprise that she could pull this off, this imaginary baby. But the fact is, Rosie is not carrying my baby. As far as I know, we spent quality time in the studio, not in bed. If Rosie's pregnant, it's not my baby. Maybe it's Denison's baby. Maybe it's an alien baby. I don't know. All I know is that the baby is probably going to grow up to be a clown, or a mime, or a bassoon player or something funny like that. Most babies come out crying, but Rosie's baby is going to be born laughing its butt off."

Denison added, "Rosie, Sufjan, and I are constantly joking with each other. The recording was a circus to say the least. There was more laughing than recording. It's been this way with us since the day we met.

"Pitchfork is always humorous in your writing... so we figured if you can dish it, then you can take it in good fun. I mean, out of any website to joke with, I personally think Pitchfork is the one who can successfully laugh at yourselves about it and still be taken seriously when you write other important news. That's a good thing."

Aww shucks, thanks, dude!

ANYWAY, let's get back to the truly exciting matter at hand, namely, the new Sufjan album.

Last night, Asthmatic Kitty announced that on July 25, it will release The Avalanche: Outtakes and Extras from the Illinois Album. The disc collects material originally written for Pitchfork's favorite album of last year, revisited by Sufjan in late 2005 and early 2006. It includes three versions of standout track "Chicago", songs concerning Saul Bellow, Ann Landers, Adlai Stevenson, and Henry Darger, and musical contributions from drummer James McAlister, trumpeter Craig Montoro, singers Shara Worden and Katrina Kerns, and, of course, Rosie Thomas.

In typical Sufjan fashion, the tracklist is an adventure unto itself:

01 The Avalanche
02 Dear Mr Supercomputer
03 Adlai Stevenson
04 The Vivian Girls Are Visited in the Night by Saint Dargarius and His Squadron of Benevolent Butterflies
05 Chicago (Acoustic Version)
06 The Henney Buggy Band
07 Saul Bellow
08 Carlyle Lake
09 Springfield, or Bobby Got a Shadfly Caught in His Hair
10 The Mistress Witch From McClure (Or, The Mind That Knows Itself)
11 Kaskaskia River
12 Chicago (Adult Contemporary Easy Listening Version)
13 Inaugural Pop Music for Jane Margaret Byrne
14 No Man's Land
15 The Palm Sunday Tornado Hits Crystal Lake
16 The Pick-up
17 The Perpetual Self, or "What Would Saul Alinsky Do?"
18 For Clyde Tombaugh
19 Chicago (Multiple Personality Disorder version)
20 Pittsfield
21 The Undivided Self (For Eppie and Popo)

In related news, Asthmatic Kitty (which Sufjan co-runs), recently signed the Canadian band Shapes and Sizes. Their self-titled debut album arrives in stores July 25, the same day as The Avalanche. Shapes and Sizes also have a split 7" with the Weird Weeds due out August 8 on Asthmatic Kitty.

As far as we know, no members of Shapes and Sizes are pregnant.

The Hammer Falls

2006-04-05T16:19:00.000-05:00

Personal politics aside, especially regarding how you see/view/partake in the US political spectrum, this man's resignation is news in general.

However, if you'd like to be a bit partisan today (or maybe you're just a proponent of ethical behavior from our elected officials), join me in celebrating as The Hammer leaves the toolbox and gets shoved in the junk drawer.

And yes, I realize how biased that last sentence sounds. So, if you're offended, just indict me.

Peace.

In the Name of Love!

2006-04-04T14:28:00.000-05:00

Regardless of his poor historical recollection, Bono's intent in the song "Pride (In the Name of Love)" was spot-on in its portrayal and presentation of the message of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. And, with that in mind, in memorial of the 38th anniversary of MLK, Jr's assassination, I would like to provide for your reading and educational pleasure this article, courtest of Wikipedia. Below is an exerpt from the article.

Read, learn, and enjoy learning. And if you know what "poor historical recollection" I'm talking about, comment and let me know. There's a prize for the first correct response!

Peace.

"Martin Luther King, Jr. (January 15, 1929–April 4, 1968) was a Baptist minister and American political activist who was the most famous leader of the American civil rights movement. King won the Nobel Peace Prize before being assassinated in 1968. He is the youngest person to receive the Nobel Peace Prize. In 1977, King was posthumously awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom, by Jimmy Carter. For his promotion of non-violence and racial equality, King is considered a peacemaker and martyr by many people around the world. Martin Luther King Day was established in his honor."

Am I tormented and ringled?!?

2006-04-04T13:48:00.000-05:00

Again, courtesy of Pitchfork Media, more love for the greatly-loved. Tell me, do I have a problem?

Morrissey
Ringleader of the Tormentors
[Attack/Sanctuary; 2006]
Rating: 8.0

"I am a living sign," Morrissey sings on "Vicar in a Tutu", from the Smiths' 1986 apex, The Queen Is Dead. If the words evoke Morrissey's dual personae as myth and mythmaker, their religious overtones are a subtle reminder that he's also a never-quite-recovering Catholic. Though his 1990s relocation to Los Angeles, the sunny center of 20th century glamour, elicited little surprise, his recent move to Rome seems even more natural: There, the Pope of Mope can reel around the fountain of both Occidental culture and inexpiable guilt.

From humdrum towns to giddy London, from Sunset Boulevard to the Eternal City, this living sign signifies, first and foremost, himself. Ringleader of the Tormentors is a new Morrissey album, not a new Morrissey; attempts to wring autobiographical revelations from its lyrics are easy, but ultimately futile. Accusations of self-parody, after losing their sting sometime around "Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now", remain apt but, in Morrissey's case, often irrelevant. On his eighth solo album, the enigmatic warbler again sounds contradictory notes on love, death, the divine, and the despised. All that's really changed are his collaborators-- Ennio Morricone, T. Rex/Bowie producer Tony Visconti, guitarist/co-songwriter Jesse Tobias-- who trade the televised-car-chase production of 2004 comeback You Are The Quarry for a sound more akin to the glam-rock crunch of Your Arsenal.

Rapturous self-torment-- particularly the chasm between love's possibility and its unrealized fulfillment-- was always the defining condition of the Morrissey experience. For Morrissey's narrators, love and death are two levels of the same double-decker bus-- a theme made explicit on lead single "You Have Killed Me", a strapping rocker reminiscent of "Irish Blood, English Heart". With Hammond organ syncope and Morricone strings, trembling ballad "Dear God, Please Help Me" likens lust to "explosive kegs between my legs," while decorous torch song "I'll Never Be Anyone's Hero Now" places "my one true love...under the ground." As Moz idol Oscar Wilde put it, "Each man kills the thing he loves." Moz's interests were eloquently foreshadowed by another Catholic artist, Jean Genet, whose 1943 novel Our Lady of the Flowers laces its gay protagonist's exaltation of a beautiful male murderer with references to the Church. Likewise, Mel Gibson's 2004 The Passion of the Christ isn't just about homoerotic S&M.

The famous mind/body dichotomy from "Still Ill" tellingly neglects the soul, but Morrissey still can't escape what he's called "inbuilt guilt." Even "Dear God, Please Help Me", Moz's most emotionally beguiling song in years, grows ambivalent at the moment inattentive critics have cited as the singer's coming-out: When Morrissey sings, "Dear God, did this kind of thing happen to you?/ Now I'm spreading your legs/ With mine in between/ Dear God, if I could I would help you," is he addressing a lover, or a loving deity? On "You Have Killed Me", which contains some of this infamous celibate's most candidly sexual lines since Meat Is Murder-era B-side "Stretch Out and Wait" (or at least YATQ's "Come Back to Camden"), the man who ostentatiously forgave Jesus two years ago "for all the desire He placed in me" slyly concludes, "There is no point saying this again/ But I forgive you."

Even when contemplating mortality, Morrissey remains enamored of youth. A children's choir guests on multiple tracks, including fast-paced single candidate "The Youngest Was the Most Loved". Their immature voices bestow hair-raising pathos upon a refrain almost too self-evidently jejune for the middle-aged Moz to sing alone: "There is no such thing in life as normal." The choir returns for "The Father Who Must Be Killed", an equally energetic knife-attack on a stern stepfather, which ends in eerie laughter. Elsewhere, Morrissey marks the passing of time more keenly, with even more overt auto-plagiarisms. "It's the same old S.O.S.," he concedes amid the Roman rain, midtempo groove, and orchestral crescendos of the epic "Life Is a Pigsty". "Even now in the final hour of my life/ I'm falling in love again," he adds, subtly acknowledging that love is not as new to his music as recent press has implied.

Morrissey's poignancy, in his best solo work as in his vivid Smiths prime-- what critic Simon Reynolds once called "a piercing beauty, or a sweet ache"-- often inflames the exhilarating terror of loneliness just as it elevates the sensations of love through comparison with Moz's unrequitable romantic perfections. The complicated gender roles, the ubiquitous allusions, the games of irony, art, and style serve equally to ignite a listener's curiosity. Ringleader of the Tormentors is, rather than the now-anticipated letdown, another fitting heir to that legacy. The living sign again: "This one is different, because it's us."

-Marc Hogan, April 4, 2006

Follow-ups....

2006-04-02T14:08:00.000-05:00

Here's a more recent article on Jill Carroll's release. I'm going to be posting my thoughts on this whole scenario soon, hopefully....

Peace.

Answered Prayers

2006-03-30T14:19:00.000-06:00

Seriously, I want to thank God for this. Jill Carroll has been released from her captors and was never threatened or harmed.

Read her story here, complements of the BBC.

Peace.

Visibly Cringing So, who really has the best idea of "handbasket"??

2006-03-28T13:36:00.000-06:00

Uh.... Yeah....

Hello there folks.

If you've got the stomach, take a look through this article about Ron Luce and Teen Mania in San Fransisco.

Still at odds myself, though I can't quite stomach the harsh treatment of "condemnation" from the city and counter-protestors. I wonder if Luce & TM got permits for their rally -- I believe in free speech, but a rally of that size had to have received approval from some city official. The article doesn't say so thought. But when you boil down things to the core of the issues, it's just the militant language and harsh rhetoric used by Luce that bothers me most. It's not needed and doesn't follow any example that Jesus lived out that I ever read about in the Gospels.

And maybe that's just me....

Peace.

Chalmers Johnson Interview

2006-03-25T11:48:00.000-06:00

Granted, if you read my blog (and subsequent comments by my "readers"), you'll have seen these links already. I give thanks to my friend Provoked for reading and providing these links. But, just in case, you need some added impetus to read (or just want my "approval" -- HAH!), here are the links to the 2-part interview that Mother Jones Magazine conducted with Chalmers Johnson. Read, think, and enjoy.

Peace.

On Our Military Empire

Whatever Happened to Congress?

CPT: Sadness, Joy, and True Activism

2006-03-25T11:47:00.000-06:00

To those of you who don't follow international news beyond the general headlines, there has been an ongoing series of events concerning the valiant and courageous organization Christian Peacemaker Teams. Back in November, 4 members of this group (1 American, 1 Britons, and 2 Canadians) were abducted by insurgents. Since then, there have been a great many people around the world petitioning for their release, including several secular and religious Iraqi groups. The first 5 links represent a loose timeline of the events, from a BBC Timeline, to the news of Tom Fox's death, to the release of the other 3 men. The concluding link is an article from Mother Jones Magazine discussing how most peace groups in the West have much to learn from the Christian Peacemaker Teams.

Peace.

BBC Timeline

US hostage in Iraq confirmed dead

British Iraq hostage Kember freed

Joy at Canadian hostages' release

Freed Kember thanks rescue troops

Christian Peacemakers and the Failure of the Left

Where are we going and how did we get into this handbasket?!?

2006-03-21T16:00:00.000-06:00

Here's the arrangement folks. If you want to put into great use three hours of your lives, I encourage you to first read/watch/listen to this Democracy Now! interview between Amy Goodman and Nixon/conservative stragegist Kevin Phillips (1 hour) and then go see the artistic and thematic genius that is V for Vendetta (2 hours). Then, come back and talk to me about the strange mixture of socio-political idealism and pessimism that I've possessed for awhile.

Or, if 3 hours is a bit too much to give, then I don't have much advice for you.

Peace (or Revolution?!?).

APN.

Spring Break Thoughts, Happenings, and Other Random Stuff

2006-03-18T15:17:00.000-06:00

Well, my Spring Break is over. "What?!?" you might ask. "Aren't you too old to be on Spring Break?" you might also ask. Understandable reactions, but the benefit of teaching is that you do get this free week of vacation in the midst of the Spring that the average working adult doesn't get. Ahhhh.... the perks of helping to mold young minds.

Of course, those of you who know me well might be of the opinion that the thought of me teaching elementary school children somewhat creepy and disturbing. Rest assured, I'm fairly good with kids -- they like me and I like them. It's a great gig actually.

Embarrassing Admission -- I spent the better part of the week playing a great video game -- Dragon Quest 8. To be totally honest with my readers, I've logged 100 hours on this game since Christmas Day, when I received it as a present from my brother. Yeah yeah yeah.... That's a lot. I'll admit it. I know how such an admission sets in stone my status as King Nerd-Boy. Whatever -- at least I had a great Spring Break, though I didn't get to SXSW to see Morrissey due to a lack of funds (the downside to being a teacher).

I've limited my options concerning seminary down to Biblical Seminary, just north of Philly, PA. This is mostly because I have received a great offer from The Harvest to begin training as a Speciality/Support Teacher, focusing on music, one-on-one attention with kids, and possibly/eventually theater. The crazy thing about this offer is that it came the day after God and I had a rather intense evening talking about seminary and my future, discussing many of the thoughts that I wrote about in my recent post about brutal honesty. Was this offer some sort of answer? I am taking this offer really seriously, as in, I'm taking The Harvest at its word and beginning to apply to summer training classes for Waldorf teachers. Yes -- this does mean that I'm applying to seminary AND teacher training at the same time. Unrealistic? Idealistic? Maybe so, but it's what I have to do, I feel...

Anyway, here are this week's media influences:

Broken Social Scene: Broken Social Scene -- This band is ridiculously talented, though if you're not a fan of slightly avant-garde, left-of-center music, you'll not understand my affection for BSS. 7/4 (Shoreline) is by far my favorite song.

U2: How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb -- One of my fave 3 U2 albums of all time, rivalling only Achtung, Baby and War in lyrical depth and creativity. I cry everytime I listen to "Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own" because I relate greatly with Bono's own struggles with having personality conflicts with his father. And, oh yeah, "Love and Peace or Else" is the greatest, yet most bombastic track on the album. I think that's why I like it for some reason.

R.E.M.: New Adventures in Hi-Fi -- My belief that this is the most mis-understood (yes, even more than Monster) album in the band's discography makes it also my second favorite, behind only most critic's choice of Automatic for the People. The questions, existential perusals, and thoughfulness of Stipe's lyrics make this a stand-out album, on an album that really doesn't have any "hits" ("E-Bow the Letter, nonwithstanding).

Jets to Brazil: Orange Rhyming Dictionary -- Without a doubt, this is one of my Top 20 favorite albums of all time and probably one of the least recognized albums in the pantheon of indie rock. Blake's lyrics throughout the course of these 11 songs sound like they've poured from my journal at some point. The standout lines come from the same song (Song 10) -- "They're playing love songs on your radio tonight. I don't get those songs on mine!" Sounds too emo for you? These guys are hardly emo -- if the band you came from is Jawbreaker, you greatly pre-date the lyrical cheese that trendy emo spawned.

Ranier Maria Rilke: Duino Elegies -- Simply put, Rilke is my favorite poet. Go read The Book of Hours and prepare to be overwhelmed with awe and reverence.

My Genesis commentary blog

Secretary: Maggie Gyllenhaal & James Spader -- This movie LOOKS a whole lot dirtier than it really is and could have been MUCH dirtier than it really is. The fact that they leave much of their sexual relationship to your mind's eye is brilliant and disavows any chance for becoming soft-core porn. But it's kinda creepy, nonetheless....

V for Vendetta: Natalie Portman & Hugo Weaving -- Produced and adapted by the Wachowski brothers (creators of The Matrix Trilogy) from the Alan Moore graphic novel of the same time, this movie portrays life in totalitarian Britain, akin to Orwell's 1984. The twist is that, instead of the reader/viewer pitying and bemoaning Winston Smith's ineptitude and eventual acquiesence in 1984, Portman & Weaving's characters are equally flawed, and yet believable, to the extent that the obvious satire of contemporary global political powers isn't overbearing and pompous in its criticisms. I think that the key phrase in the movie comes from Portman's character's recollections of a statement her activist/writer father made (paraphrasing): "Artists use lies to expose the truth; politicians use lies to hide the truth." While it might not be for everyone, I really enjoyed this film and hope to see it again soon.

Enjoy!

Read and then visit. They'll appreciate it....

2006-03-11T14:06:00.000-06:00

In a brief attempt to grant some much-needed kudos and recognition to some rather worthy candidates, I want to provide the appropriate links to these great people, places, and events of note.

1) My friend Jason Raschen is a film reviewer, currently working for the fabulously witty website Film Lords. I encourage you to peruse his reviews and those of his compatriots.

2) I have several friends who have their photography up for exhibit at Xnihilo Gallery as a part of Houston's 2006 Foto Fest. This year's theme is "The Earth & Artists Responding to Violence" and my friends' pictures are various pictures from this beautiful world of ours. Be sure to go check out their pictures, as directions on the gallery's website.

Peace.

I am a feminist....

2006-03-09T17:23:00.000-06:00

Therefore, to pay homage to all wonderful women around the globe, I provide these links to my readers so that they might better educate themselves concerning International Women's Day, celebrated every year on March 8th.

Another closely-linked event of relevance that occured on this day is Susan B. Anthony's appearance before the Judiciary Committee of the House of Representatives arguing for an amendment to the U.S. Constitution granting women the right to vote.

Thus, in conclusion to this short, but (hopefully) informative post, I present to you all a conversation on Democracy Now! between Amy Goodman and Margaret Busby, editor of Daughters of Africa: An international anthology of Words and Writings by Women of African Descent, held in honor of International Women's Day.

Enjoy and Respond....

Peace.

Amazingly, this wasn't a bit of spam in my Inbox!

2006-03-06T16:30:00.000-06:00

Hey hey.... One can never tell just WHO will find your blog. Case in point -- I received the following e-mail from a lovely woman working for a production company as she is trying to get word out about a band that employs her company. I've seen these guys twice myself -- once as they opened for Mae and again as they opened for MuteMath. If you've seen either band's recent tours, than you've probably seen these guys. I will say that I enjoyed them, since they really make it a point to connect with their crowd. But I'm not going to say much more. I'll let the e-mail speak for itself.

((BTW, by doing this, I'm not sure if this means that I'm prostituting out my blog.... Thoughts???))

APN,

Hey hey, what's up? My name is Sonya, from Cornerstone Promotion. Came
across your blog and thought you might like a new band that I am
working with...

The Working Title. If you haven’t heard them yet, check them out :]

www.theworkingtitle.com
www.myspace.com/theworkingtitle
www.purevolume.com/theworkingtitle

They’ve done some cool tours with Mute, Athlete, Relient K, Mae, and
Copeland, to name a few. I’ve seen them live a few times and they’re a
really compelling, positive and fun rock band with an awe inspiring
presence (no, really)… and to top it all off, the lead singer has a
great voice :]

You can check out one of their new songs…

The Crash:
http://boss.streamos.com/wmedia/universalmotown/universal/
the_working_title/audio/the_crash.asx
http://boss.streamos.com/real/universalmotown/universal/
the_working_title/audio/the_crash.ram
http://boss.streamos.com/download/universalmotown/universal/
the_working_title/audio/the_crash.mp3

Their new CD “About-Face” has no set release date yet, but it’s
expected sometime in June.

Let me know if you dig them or not, I’d really appreciate any
feedback... good or bad :]

Later!

My Thoughts as We Begin Lent

2006-03-06T15:40:00.000-06:00

This is my introduction to the lesson that I have written for the first week of Lent, having originally posted the lesson itself at Genesis In My Eyes. I felt that I would include this section here on this blog, mostly because I know that I will be writing often during the next 7 weeks upon the ideas, concepts, and intents surrounding Lent. Blessings upon you all as you read....

More than anything else during this Season of Lent, I wish to impress upon adults and children how sacred this time is in the life of individual Christians and in the long spiritual history that is the Christian faith. The journey thought Season of Lent should be the defining experience in what it actually means to be a Christian. During Lent, the Church allows itself to reflect, meditate, and focus upon why Jesus came to this world, what He accomplished, and how His Birth, Life, Death, Burial, and Resurrection have changed the direction of the world in its entirety. Thus, for the children and adults that we both teach and impact by our lives in general, I feel that it is our responsibility to truly embody all that this Season entails.

I approach the task of writing the lessons for this Season, having really only celebrated Lent for the second time in my whole life. Oh, by going to Church with my Roman Catholic father for the first 15 years of my life, I attended many services during Lent, with many Palm Sunday being of noticeable memory. However, since I was not a Catholic myself (as a child, my father never pressed my mother to send me to Catholic Sunday School, i.e. CCE), I did not have any appreciation for the confessional voyage that Catholics, Orthodox, and “high” Protestants undertake during Lent, or any season for that matter. And while I have no regrets over the events comprising my past, as they make me who I am today, I do wish that I could have grown up experiencing community in a liturgical fashion.

I say all that to say this: too many Christians, especially here in the evangelical South, have never made this journey part of their spiritual lives. Thus, even more so than during Advent, the Church should create an environment in which all believers might have the opportunity to experience Christ in a new, yet utterly timeless way. Through these 7 weeks of readings, studies, and reflections of mine, I am looking forward to both lead and travel alongside people as we walk, crawl, stumble, scratch, claw, and eventually run towards the Cross and Empty Tomb of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Current Media I'm Enjoying....

2006-03-06T14:37:00.000-06:00

Well, here's to a new series I'm starting....

Instead of keeping up with my running sidebar on what I'm listening to and reading, I'm planning to make regular posts (as in, every one or two weeks) regarding what I've been reading, listening to, and watching. Granted, I don't think that this "series" is of much worth to anyone but myself; in fact, I think it will be illuminating to truly ascertain actually how I spend my time. Thus, if you're interested in a bit of sociological insight into how my time is divided up, read along with me.

And yes, if you feel so inclined, feel free to comment....

Without any further ado, I present the list of what has been a part of my life the past couple of weeks:

Walk The Line : Joaquin Phoenix & Reese Witherspoon (Congrats Reese on your Oscar! I can now forgive you for starring in Legally Blonde, Legally Blonde 2, and Just Like Heaven.)

The Last Gentleman : Walker Percy

Duino Elegies : Ranier Maria Rilke

The Jewish Study Bible : JPS Tanakh Translation

Rabbit Fur Coat : Jenny Lewis & The Watson Twins

Illinois : Sufjan Stevens (This was the BEST record of 2005. If you haven't bought it, listened to it, and come to love it, than you have no soul. Sorry....)

The Queen is Dead : The Smiths

Document No. 5 : R. E. M.

Pop : U2

Silent Alarm : Bloc Party (I just can't get enough of this album. Beautiful, frenetic, thoughtful, and a hell of a lot of fun.)

The Everglow : Mae (This was one of my favorite records of 2005.)

Catch for Us the Foxes (This also was one of my fave records of 2005, mostly because the music is so creative, so esoteric, yet so utterly wonderful. And oh yeah -- Aaron Weiss is one of the most passionate lyricists since John Donne wrote poetry.)

Lenten Prayer on Ash Wednesday

2006-03-03T22:43:00.000-06:00

Might that I accept the
forgiveness of my sins,
the forgiveness that You've
promised to me,
secured for me,
and
given to me through
Your Son Jesus'
death on my behalf.

Might that I come to forgive
myself
and live in Your grace and love.

Thus, even though I
(even though we)
tend to think that
my sins
(our sins)
are bigger and greater
than Jesus' sinless sacrifice on the Cross,

Might that we,
as a community,
spend these 40 days
reflecting on Your actions,
listening to Your words,
and
loving You for all You've done.

Might that we remember
that we are dust
and to dust we shall return.

Amen.
Hallelujah.
Amen.

APN
Copyright 03/01/2006

Yeah, I'm a blatant, over-the-top fan. What are you gonna do about it?

2006-02-27T14:50:00.000-06:00

Morrissey Questioned by FBI

Matthew Solarski of Pitchfork Media reports:

While he'd rather be famous than righteous or holy (any day, any day, any day), a certain Federal Bureau of Investigation has branded Stephen Patrick Morrissey with a rather infamous tag: potential threat to national security.

Prepping for a handful of U.S. dates, a massive sold-out UK tour, and the April 4 release of Ringleader of the Tormentors, the Moz recently revealed to NME that he has been questioned by the FBI and British Intelligence agents. He copped a James Bond cool all the while, then deployed a smoke bomb hidden in his pen and vanished using a grappling hook rigged into that adorable tuft of hair atop his head.

No, but seriously, here's what Mozzy had to say: "The FBI and the Special Branch have investigated me and I've been interviewed and taped and so forth. They [the FBI] were trying to determine if I was a threat to the government, and similarly in England. But it didn't take them very long to realise that I'm not."

He went on: "I don't belong to any political groups. I don't really say anything unless I'm asked directly and I don't even demonstrate in public. I always assume that so-called authoritarian figures just assume that pop/rock music is slightly insane and an untouchable platform for the working classes to stand up and say something noticeable."

"My view is that neither England or America are democratic societies," Moz summed up. "You can't really speak your mind and if you do you're investigated."

As you may recall, Morrissey raised hell back in 2004 by wishing death upon George W. Bush during a Dublin concert. Who knows what venomous arrows of dissent Moz will spew over audiences at SXSW in Bush's native Texas this year, particularly during his live interview with Rolling Stone's David Fricke on March 16. Or his only scheduled American dates, taking place in Oklahoma just before the festival.

Morrissey in Oklahoma. Doesn't that sound like a science fiction title?

A bit of brutal honesty.... Are you ready?

2006-02-25T14:23:00.000-06:00

Thinking that I have made a decision, I again find myself at a crossroads. I say this in reference to my belief that I should be headed off to seminary in the Fall of 2006, but doubting that now is the time for me to do so. Previous changes in my life have been borne of the necessity that I come to grips with the negative realities of my current situation and do what I can to change where I am and what I am doing.

I have made many changes of direction in my journey through life. I have decided to move far away from home for college to separate myself from an unhealthy High School & church environment. I transferred colleges to escape paying increased tuition (even though I loved Southwestern University). I left the Pentecostal church (and the UPC specifically) to pursue & live out a more balanced, Jesus-centered, and holistic expression of the Gospel. In all of these, I have made the necessary adaptations and shifts in my life in order to better my life and to better my interactions with the world around me.

So, why do I feel conflicted about choosing between The Harvest (or teaching at a Waldorf school in general) and attending seminary for 2 or 3 years so that I can serve the Kingdom of God "better"? I have a friend who has told me that you go to seminary for yourself, so that you can learn more ans expand who you are. I believe this friend, because they attended seminary for that reason, a reason I can respect. And, yes, while the goal is to preach, teach, and become a full-time minister of the Gospel, it seems the means of such an endeavor consist of taking what classes you'd like to tak so that your intellect & spirit can be fed in order for you to be able to feed others. I can both appreciate and respect that approach, but part of that type of thinking doesn't quite agree with me, especially in regards to the efficiency of such a method, as well as the economic baggage that such a decision entails.

This then makes me wonder why another friend of mine chose 5 years of seminary training if, in the long run, he knew that he'd be pastoring/leading a small start-up church in Austin, TX. In fact, he's going for his D.Min degree very soon. Is it because he's "wired" that way? Maybe so. I feel that I cam wired for higher education, but at whose/what expense? This same friend and his wife (also my friend) both entered seminary right out of college, as did yet another close friend of mine (who is now pursuing a PhD in History). In contrast, I have 2 other friends who didn't start graduate school/seminary right out of college, but are enrolled now and seem equally as challenged and excited about their education as my friends who did enter higher education right out of college.

But this is my question and the internal dialogue I have going on right now. Why do I feel so stuck in between those two situations? Why do I feel that I still want to seek out a Third Way? Why do I think that a Third Way even exists? How is it that I have somehow chosed to believe that I am so different from my friends and their situations that I can attempt to walk down a totally divergent path from theirs and still arrive at a relatively similar place as both educated and educator?

Such questions bring me to how I have come to view my continuing and perpetual education. I have felt a call/pull/tug to be educated and to educate others for much of my adult life. Yet, I have pursued such an end through rather unorthodox means. I didn't study education in college. I've taught exclusively at private schools, having been employed and utilized strictly due to my intrinsic talents and abilities. I frequently find ways to cease and hinder restarting many of my forays into higher education. Thus, even now, I try to convince myself that seminary isn't important for me, that I don't need to rack up enormous debt in order to feel like my life is of worth, consequence, and able to impact some small corner of this wonderful, beautiful, and broken world that we all share.

My my -- doesn't that last sentence sound vain and prideful? It's as if I'm trying to create some sort of legact for myself. However, I really don't feel that I'm worried about the future. I tend to focus on doing something today and how what we do in the present will impact the future. Hence, this IS my problem -- I don't want to put the "real world" on hold just to intellectually masturbate for 2 or more years in an attempt to "better" serve God, to "better" live out the Gospel, or to "better" lead/pastor the people in the world around me. Now, THAT is selfish & vain....

Thus, if I'm bold enough to say that, think that, and just about believe that, why do I feel like seminary should be and is an option for me?!?!?

And this brings me to my current status as a teacher at a Waldorf school. I love what I'm doing, really. This has been one of the best jobs and work environments that I've ever had, on so many levels. The pedagogy is enthralling, enough for me to state openly that I wish I could have been a student at a Waldorf school as a child/teen. The mixture of, appreciation for, and attention paid to the balance between our physical, intellectual, and emotional selves (willing, thinking, and feeling) is so very needed in the educational circles of the world today, especially in the West/America. My issue at this point is that I don't want to be in Houston for the next 9 years at The Harvest (maybe this is the 27-year-old in me talking). I would love to train as a Waldorf Grades Teacher, but again, there is cost involved in that, combined with my desire to be a speciality teacher or High School subject teacher.

What I do with all of these thoughts raging and thrashing about in my psyche? I can't ignore them. I can't explain them away. I have to address what I'm thinking and feeling, or I think I'd go quite crazy. Regardless of that, I know that much of this sounds plaintive and almost idealistically naive, but can you blame me? Maybe you can. If so, set me straight. I'd love to hear/read your words, thoughts, feelings, and impressions of what I've written here.

So, I end with a prayer -- "Where do I go? What do I do? I pray, O God, that you send something or someone to help me with this, so that I don't feel quite so all alone. And, in case I haven't said enough, I want to thank you for everything so far. I love you because you first loved me."

And now, for some anti-corporate information....

2006-02-24T14:11:00.000-06:00

Yes, this too comes from Pitchfork. What can I say? I wish I could find a forum for MY smart and sassy writing.

Best Buy to Indies: Drop Dead

Mairead Case reports:
On January 24, Best Buy announced its latest promotion: a sale on a handful of albums from "left of the dial indie heroes," such as the Arcade Fire, Cat Power, Danger Doom, Antony & the Johnsons, Atmosphere, New Pornographers, and Broken Social Scene-- all listed at the obscenely low price of $7.99. Yes, that's cheaper than every other store on the planet, including iTunes. In fact, it's cheaper than distribution wholesale.

How can Best Buy get away with that? Isn't that illegal or something? Well, no. Welcome to the wonderful world of co-ops. Co-op campaigns are deals in which labels exchange money or extra CDs ("cleans") for prominent placement in stores, bulk initial orders, sale pricing, and advertising presence. Co-ops exist everywhere, from megastores to Mom and Pops alike. In other words, whenever you see some Next Big Thing featured at the end of an aisle, nine times out of ten, the label paid for that artist to be there.

This isn't intrinsically a bad thing. However, when co-op money is used to lower prices as substantially as Best Buy has, it's independent record shops that suffer the blow: Given the recent plunge in album sales over the past five years, these stores are already struggling. And while it may seem dramatic to say that something like this could make these kinds of stores extinct, the danger is very real. For many, it will be the final straw that puts them out of business.

It's no surprise, then, that Best Buy's "Artists Outside the Mainstream" program has inspired a lightning-quick backlash from small stores and non-participating labels. Tongues are lashing at Saki Store, the blog home of indie distro Carrot Top Distribution and Carrot Top Records (Handsome Family, Antietem, the Coctails, Archer Prewitt). On January 24, CTD, Ltd. President Patrick Monaghan posted a screed lambasting Best Buy and the labels involved in the program. His post inspired a heated discussion that spread across the web, with label executives and store owners joining the fray.

"I don't really see any way you can blame the customer," Monaghan told Pitchfork. "Hell, what decision is a consumer supposed to make, assuming they actually want to pay for their music, when faced with a $7.99 vs. $13.99 CD? I also don't think you can blame Best Buy. You can't shame the sociopath, so what good does it do to try? In my humble opinion, the blame falls on the labels and bands who are participating in this co-op advertisement deal."

Monaghan continued, "It's a question of extreme pricing and sale. If there is no indie retail to help build new bands, we are left with MySpace, the unfiltered Internet, and ad/TV/movie placement to introduce people to new bands. Retail would be left to the Best Buy/Starbucks axis. That's not too appealing of a scenario to me."

Mac McCaughan, Superchunk/Portastatic frontman and co-owner of Merge Records, responded point-blank: "Obviously, Merge's job is to get our artists' records in as many stores as possible, and make them available to as many people as possible who want to buy them," he commented on Saki Store. "Someone who discovers an artist because the 'popular' record is on sale at Best Buy will then hopefully be driven to find out more about the band. [Then,] they'll have to get the back catalogue at a store that sells mostly music."

According to the labels involved in "Artists Outside the Mainstream", Best Buy never mentioned the $7.99 price plan when discussing the program. The promotional paperwork specified only print circular placement, special positioning, and sale pricing, but no disclosure of how low that sale pricing might be.

In this sense, the labels, prevented from price-point negotiations under 2002 price fixing legislations, were truly blindsided. As Secretly Canadian's Nick Blandford wrote to the label's retailers and distros, "To say that [the price] was a shock to us is an understatement. Before approving the program, we specifically confirmed with ADA, Secretly Canadian's exclusive distributor, that Best Buy would not receive any sort of discount."

Matador president Gerard Cosloy told Pitchfork, "I don't deny for a second that using hot indie titles as a loss leader is a total sucker punch to mom and pop record stores. But without diminishing the significance of such an event, cool record stores should have something else up their sleeves besides using Best Buy as the bogeyman. We've used Best Buy for years, but the vast majority of our time and energy has been devoted to selling records through independent retailers. To date, we've yet to do any instores with Best Buy or any exclusive titles with a chain store or non-music retailer, and we continue to come up with specific releases [like the 99¢ Cat Power seven-inch and Interpol remixes] that you can't purchase anywhere other than indie retail."

So how do artists feel about the situation? "Artists have never complained to us that their record was in a chain store or on sale at a chain store," McCaughan told Pitchfork. "However, artists have often complained if they couldn't find their records in a chain store."

McCaughan was blunter on the Saki Store blog, arguing that "if [Merge] announced to our bands, especially bands that sell a lot of records, that their CDs would only be available at the cool stores and no longer at any chains, the roster of artists that Merge fans love would evaporate. If you don't think that's true, then you're living on a different planet."

"In any event," Cosloy told Pitchfork, "it should be stressed that [Matador] is pretty circumspect about which titles we choose to put into a co-op program at the chain level. Unless an artist's sales history, touring, press or airplay justifies such a thing, you won't see us trying to place 30,000 CDs on the shelves of your favorite appliance retailer."

Although the $7.99 promotion has ended, and most of the "Artists Outside the Mainstream" titles are now selling for a sensible $12.99, the principle remains: Don't take your local independent record stores for granted.

What is this? More liberal propaganda on this guy's site??

2006-02-24T14:06:00.000-06:00

Once again, music and culture news via my hipster site of choice Pitchfork. After awhile, I hope, you'll just all start reading their site and stop worrying about what I post from them. At least, that's my hope.... Unless i can get hired by them.... Anyway, read with me!

Devendra, Bright Eyes, Stipe Rock Against War

Kati Llewellyn reports:
The anti-war movement just got a whole lot cooler. Billboard.com reported yesterday that R.E.M. frontman Michael Stipe, Bright Eyes, Devendra Banhart, Rufus Wainwright, Fischerspooner, Public Enemy's Chuck D, and Peaches have signed on for the "Bring 'Em Home Now" benefit concert, which will take place at New York City’s Hammerstein Ballroom on March 20. It will commemorate the third anniversary of the U.S. invasion of Iraq, and will raise funds for Iraq Veterans Against the War and Veterans for Peace.

Activist mom Cindy Sheehan will speak at the show, setting the stage for her 15-date April speaking tour with authors yet to be announced. Jaeane Garofalo's Air America Radio show "The Majority Report" will broadcast live from the concert and will run interviews with its artists.

Fischerspooner's Casey Spooner told Billboard, "We have been at war for three years. One desperately feels the need for someone to speak some sort of truth, either poetic or factual."

Whether or not performing electroclash songs while dressed up as extras from the musical Cats will bring about such truth remains to be seen.

* Iraq Veterans Against the War: http://www.ivaw.net/
* Veterans for Peace: http://www.veteransforpeace.org/

Random Thoughts on Simplicity

2006-02-17T18:32:00.000-06:00

All thanks to Shane Claiborne,
Inspired by Mark 10:17-31,
and
All apologies for how unfocused these thoughts seem.
I just started writing as these ideas and impressions flooded my mind.

What is Simplicity?
it is more than basic, because Christ astounds us.
It is beyond complex, because Christ confounds us.

It compels us to create and seek for solidarity.
It effuses compassion.
It demands that we reach beyond ourselves and
threatens to overwhelm us.

The call of Christ confuses us, enrages us, focuses us, propels us, and brings us to our knees, so that we are ultimately sent out to love all of our neighbors.

Simplicity begs us to realize that, in order to truly study the Gospel, we must fully live out the Gospel. In order to truly study about God, we must be the Church that God has always called us to be and become.

Thus, just like love, simplicity is quite difficult, but ever so necessary. And it does not, has not, and will probably never make sense to us.

What is Simplicity?
It is wild.
It is passionate.
It is earthy.
It is organic.
It is from the grassroots.
It is one and it is all.
It is beyond us, all around us, and includes all of us.
It directs the Church.
It bewilders the Church.
It loves and asks us to love as well.
It is Christ, though His ways are far beyond ours, yet are ours as well.

Repent.
Restore.
Tikkun Olam...

Invocation -- 01/29/2006

2006-02-17T18:23:00.000-06:00

With all apologies to Sufjan Stevens and David Crowder....

O God, where are You now?

Dark clouds roll in
Filling our skies
our minds
our hearts

We cannot see
Our minds are troubled
Our hearts are heavy

O God, are You here now?

Enfold this space
our thoughts
our lives
In Your love and grace

Let us feel You here
Give us direction to our thoughts
Bless our lives so
that we can bless the lives of
others

O God, be here now.
Be everywhere now.

APN
Copyright 01/29/2006

Prophets, Messiahs, and Black Sheep

2006-02-14T14:36:00.000-06:00

At the risk of offending some and causing others to think more than they care to sometimes, take a peek at this wonderful cartoon created by Mark Fiore and posted at Mother Jones Magazine Online.

Enjoy and Discuss!

Fully Engage Your Senses and Intellect.

2006-02-07T14:31:00.000-06:00

I want to give credit to my friend Erin for posting this first. This speech of Bono's is worth reading, watching, and listening to. Regardless of your opinions concerning Bono's ego and "megolamania", I feel he truly has something to say and says it well. Please read, reflect, and share your thoughts. Thank you.

An important woman has died. An important human has died.

2006-02-06T13:55:00.000-06:00

Courtesy of Amy Goodman and Democracy Now! (republished without their permission, but fully copyrighted on their site)

We look at the life and legacy of feminist pioneer Betty Friedan. She died Saturday, on her 85th birthday. Friedan was a founding member of the National Organization for Women - NOW - which today has grown into the largest women's rights group in the U.S. In 1966, she was NOW's first president, a post she held for four years. She was also author of the groundbreaking book "The Feminine Mystique." The book is widely credited for helping to launch the feminist movement and is viewed as one of the most important books of the 20th century. Kim Gandy, NOW's current President, said: "The Feminine Mystique... opened women's eyes. Betty recognized a longing in the women of her generation, a longing for something more - opportunity, recognition, fulfillment, success, a chance to live their own dreams beyond the narrow definition of "womanhood" that had limited their lives."

(To read the full transcript, go to Democracy Now!

Events of Historic Importance

2006-02-04T18:03:00.000-06:00

February 3rd marks two milestones in world history.

The first is a rather serious, critical, and essential milestone in American politics and culture that should be always remembered -- the signing into law of the 15th Amendment to the United States Constitution in 1870. African-American men (women of any race couldn't vote until 1920 with the 19th Amendment) finally earned the right to vote that white men had always possessed and that should have already been due to them with the signing of the 14th Amendment.

However, February 3rd marks the birthday of one of my most favorite shows from my childhood -- You Can't Do That On Television. Created in Canada in 1979, this show was important for more than the 5-episode introduction of Alanis Morrisette to the world. YCDTOTV was essential viewing for anyone bored with the tame crap available for kids during the 80's. I have great fond memories of watching this show and Laugh-In reruns at my grandmother's, much to my parent's chagrin. Once again, coupled with Boys In The Hall, Canada has proven itself capable of corrupting intelligent US youth.

Join me today in dropping a bucket of slime (in green preferably) on your head today!!

I will skip work and sell my first-born child to be there. Trust me on this one...

2006-01-31T15:46:00.000-06:00

Once again, news concerning my one and only man-crush, courtesty of Pitchfork Media.

Morrissey Unveils LP Art, Confirms SXSW Appearances

Matthew Solarski reports:
Truly, what could be more bad-arse than a Tommy gun? How about a bloomin' violin? Fuck yeah.

On the newly-revealed cover for his forthcoming album Ringleader of the Tormentors, viewable in all its low-res glory to your left, Morrissey has cast himself as an impassioned concertmaster, yin to You Are the Quarry's gangster yang. Debonair, I dare say.

Our violin-savvy correspondents tell us Morrissey's bow technique could use some tweaking, and Paganini is probably rolling over in his grave, but Moz is Moz, kids. Question him not. Ringleader arrives April 3 in the UK and the next day here in the states.

And that tiny, illegible Italian inscription beneath the album's title? It reads "Registrato e Mescolato a Roma Estate", which our trusty Google translator says means "recorded and stirred to Rome summer". Yes we like fanciful new Morrissey music sound now! Yes!

In other Moz news, the man was recently confirmed to appear not once but twice at this year's SXSW. On March 16, he'll be interviewed by Rolling Stone bobblehead David Fricke during the day, and will perform at Austin Music Hall later that night. And all of the other bands who have to play at the same time will cry into their lapels.

Morrissey has also padded out his previously-reported UK tour with an extra London performance, tacked on a couple international dates, and announced support in the form of Scottish high-steppers Sons and Daughters and Cali psychobillies Tiger Army (wtf?). Get Mozzy:

04-04 Helsinki, Finland - Cable Hall
04-10 Amsterdam, Holland - Heineken Music Hall
04-13 Killarney, Ireland - INEC
04-15 Dublin, Ireland - Olympia
04-18 Salford, England - Lowry *
04-19 Llandudno, Wales - North Wales Theatre *
04-20 Leeds, England - Town Hall *
04-22 Aberdeen, Scotland - Music Hall *
04-23 Stirling, Scotland - Albert Halls *
04-25 Dundee, Scotland - Caird Hall *
04-26 Greenock, Scotland - Town Hall *
04-27 Glasgow, Scotland - Academy *
04-29 Whitehaven, England - Civic *
04-30 Gateshead, England - Sage *
05-01 London, England - Alexandra Palace *
05-03 Sheffield, England - City Hall *
05-04 Grimsby, England - Auditorium *
05-06 Manchester, England - Apollo *
05-07 Manchester, England - Opera House *
05-08 Manchester, England - Bridgewater Hall *
05-10 Halifax, England - Victoria Hall *
05-11 Blackburn, England - King Georges Hall *
05-12 Liverpool, England - Philharmonic *
05-14 London, England - Palladium *
05-15 Cardiff, Wales - St David's Hall *
05-17 Reading, England - Hexagon *
05-19 Portsmouth, England - Guildhall *
05-20 Birmingham, England - Symphony Hall *
05-21 London, England - Palladium *
05-23 Truro, England - Hall For Cornwall *
05-24 Cheltenham, England - Town Hall *
05-25 Oxford, England - New Theatre *
05-27 Kings Lynn, England - Corn Exchange *
05-28 London, England - Palladium *

* with Sons and Daughters, Tiger Army

Who wants to play??

2006-01-30T15:12:00.000-06:00

Thanks to Mother Jones Magazine for this lovely bit of satire. Anyone interested?? Anyone want to volunteer to be the Suit??

State of the Union Address 2006 Drinking Game

Benediction -- 01/29/2006

2006-01-30T14:44:00.000-06:00

(I want to extend thanks to Kelly Ann Hall for the use of her original composition. She's a great friend and a great poet. These words of hers spoken last morning and evening to conclude service truly impacted me.)

Father,
artist, architect, builder of being
You pinched up the mountains
Trenched out cool rivers
Pulled up trees into shady forests

You,
packed Your greatness into garments of skin
splitting seams in poor man¹s rags
holes leaking holy love, leaking forever-life
and salvation bleeds as a truthful voice
calling out our demons into forgiveness-light.

Are we no better to obey then they?
Have we bound You God?
to a man
to a place
to a mountain¹s rise
before the chasing sun

to a pinch of bread
dipped in wine
on Sunday.

So shall we too then
nevermore be defined by skin¹s edge
but by the energy
that gathers up our gut
and moves us
beyond and over lines & limits.

Today, we bind ourselves
The power of God to hold and lead us
His eye to watch, His might to stay
His ear to hearken to our needs
The wisdom of our God to teach
His hand to guide, His shield to ward
The word of God moving in our speech
His Heavenly Host to be our guardŠ

Lord, hold us as we submit, to a will we will never understand.
Delight in us as we explore wonders that we can never solve.

Shine through us a love, that cannot be gained through knowledge,

You are the joy in all our beginnings and ends.
And You forever exceed our expectations of You.

Kelly Ann Hall
Copyright -- 01/29/2006

Soul Economy

2006-01-29T14:13:00.000-06:00

Parent-Teacher Community Gathering at The Harvest
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Dr. David Booth of Austin Waldorf School

((As a note of introduction, this essay was crafted from 2 pages of notes taken during a presentation given by Dr. Booth. In a technical sense, Dr. Booth has not sponsored or authorized the content of this essay. Thus, this essay that I have crafted represents my best possible understanding of what he spoke to the parents of The Harvest at our most recent Parent-Teacher Gathering. Enjoy....))

Economics, as a social science, is the branch of knowledge concerned with the production, consumption, and transfer of wealth. It focuses its study upon how a nation’s or the world’s resources are utilized and whether or not they are being utilized effectively. Comparably, Soul Economy is primarily concerned with how to gauge, manage, and take care of one’s inner experiences. This inner life is comprised of the many ways in which the soul processes the outer life – thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Thus, Soul Economy is concerned with how those key components of one’s soul are used and abused in everyday life.

As teachers and parents of children in a Waldorf school, we should concentrate our attentions and energies upon the Soul Economy of those children. These children as in our care, so we are the ones who should be most responsible for helping them conserve the energy in their inner life, maintaining and increasing the vitality of their souls. Children must have their Soul Economy conserved and preserved at an early age, since, as adults, we know how easily it is to feel drained at the end of a long day or week. And since children spend most of their day in a school setting, the classroom should be a place where their Soul Economy is strengthened and developed, not undermined.

A child’s teachers (especially lead teachers) serve as the primary conduits for the maintenance and healthy growth of Soul Economy. The primary means by which a teacher seeks to cultivate Soul Economy in a child is through the pictorial representation of concepts through imagery, conveyed through story. Whether a discussion concerns world cultures throughout history, ideas from science and literature, or concepts of a mathematical nature, a teacher brings them to life through illustration and imaginative narrative. The lesson being learned leaves the realm of abstract head knowledge so that it might become concrete principles laden with convincing truth.

Here is an example of this using the number one. Philosophically, there are two number ones, with both being around us at all times. In one sense, there is a one that is always much more than one: one always becomes two. One is always the sum of its parts. Cell division is indicative of this concept, as well as any social unit. There is one family, but that one is made up of many individuals; there is one body, but it is comprised of various systems, that are collections of various organs, that are all built of a great many cells. In another sense, one is all and all are one. This notion is best evinced by monotheism, in probability, and in Boolean algebra where the number one equals truth.

In the younger grades, ideas like this are taught mathematically by seeing math (beginning with addition) as more than solely an accounting practice. 1 + 1 does = 2, but a more holistic view of this problem allows us to see that 2 = 1 + 1. A teacher starts with the answer (10) and the students learn that there are many ways in which many parts (1’s) collect themselves to equal that answer (1+9, 2+8, 3+7, 4+6, 5+5, 6+4, 7+3, 8+2, and 9+1). All of this is graphically represented so that the child sees the problem and isn’t merely learning a collection of facts. The problem is presented so that the child is actively thinking and not simply recalling the answer from rote memory.

By 5th and 6th grades, teachers do move from the pictorial to the conceptual when presenting ideas, whether new ones or reintroducing older ones from past lessons. These ideas are now able, within the child’s soul and mind, to move from the paper and blackboard to the intellect. The student can now form thoughts from their inner selves, as they are old enough to engage in true independent thought.

By the 7th and 8th grades, with the onset of adolescence, students begin to personalize these concepts. With independent thought being utilized, rational arguments are springing up and conceived within the child’s soul and mind. They are eager to define “what’s me,” often doing so in regards to the ideas they are learning and have learned in the classroom.

As students enter High School, they are more eager than ever before to seek out who they really are and/or who they want to be. They actively engage in role modeling, doing so on a deeper level than the typical “I want to be a fireman/policeman/whatever Daddy or Mommy are” role modeling of childhood. Moreover, they want to be taken seriously and to have their ideas approached rationally and authentically by the adults that they consider important. They seek to be reasoned with as soon-to-be-adults and, in doing such, they will actively reach out to respected adults who will engage them in that reasoning process. As adults, it is our responsibility to reach out to them so that they do not sink back on themselves and their peers for justification too much or too often. For them to do so will dramatically drain whatever economy of soul they have built up by their High School years.

Soul Economy is the key to this progression. Without it, students, whether they are children or teenagers, will not be able to cope with these transitions. The Soul Economy of children and teenagers must be developed, grown, maintained, and constantly bolstered by their parents and teachers.

Here is an example of this that uses the order and rhythm of the class day. In Waldorf schools, there are class meetings that are internal and external in nature. The main lesson, languages, and chorus are all types of internal meetings, while woodworking, eurhythmy, and physical education classes are external meetings. Internal meetings are held at the beginning of the day, progressing until lunchtime, and then followed by the external meetings. This allows for the natural flow of a student’s energy and mental capacity as the day moves forward. Similarly, the main lesson patterns are coordinated so that students are constantly challenged to think and learn. Math, Science, Literature, and History are all arranged in order to minimize any chance for a student to become bored or driven into a learning rut.

This is Soul Economy. A student’s natural body and life rhythms must be reinforced. Parents and teachers must decrease any stress a student might come to feel before they are able to handle it. A balance must be achieved between any memorization/homework needs and the needs of a real, healthy life for that child. Thus, to accomplish that, parents and teachers should look for ways to create a balance between inspiring children to learn and giving them exercises for their growing intellect.

(Question-and-Answer Session followed.)

Now THIS is Some Quality Cultural Introspection...

2006-01-20T14:12:00.000-06:00

Happy 100th Post!!

I hope that all of you fine folks have been enjoying my blog for the past 11 months, as I quickly approach my one-year anniversary. It's been a vast, yet somehow connected, smattering of journal entries, poetry, political writings, essays on creativity, commentary in general, and music/cinema items important to me. THUS, in honor of this historic event, I'm borrowing this essay from Pitchfork Media because I think that he's asking a good question about a community that I'm tied to, and he does so with depth. I give all credit for THIS essay to Christ Dahlen, the author of this essay, but I include it because his writing is similar in style and content to mine.

Peace.

Get That Out of Your Mouth #21
Get Behind Me Jesus
by Chris Dahlen (Pitchfork Media)

I don't know why hipsters hate Jesus. I'm not here to explain how the guy behind the Sermon on the Mount turned into a symbol of our blue- and red-state divide, or to narrow down why it's desperately unhip to admit you're a Christian and then get on stage at a rock club. Almost no strain of music is as secular as indie rock: It's quaint when old men on 78s sing spirituals, and a rugged legend like Johnny Cash can pray however he wants, but if you're a scrawny songwriter with a 4-track, siding with Jesus makes you a leper.

A couple of years ago, you couldn't even find many indie rockers who identified themselves as religious. The Danielson Famile were always far out anyway, and 16 Horsepower almost count as a country band. But then came Sufjan Stevens. After Seven Swans' moving piety and his breakthrough with Illinois, Stevens became "the Jesus guy." New fans shared stories about how they learned to get past his faith and enjoy his music, while bloggers like Pitchperfect cracked that she likes "a little less God in [her] rock." And the journalists couldn't get enough of the God angle, until, as Nick Sylvester reported on his blog, Stevens' publicist started asking reporters not to bring it up.

The genre of Christian rock long ago split off of regular, Satan-friendly rock, so you could argue that dyed-in-the-wool faith rockers have segregated themselves. Yet the secular bands that pick up those themes run the risk of getting thrown into the same ghetto. It happened to Page France's Michael Nau, when critics-- including our Brian Howe-- focused on the religious symbolism in his album Hello, Dear Wind. The song "Jesus" celebrates a Lord who's all too mortal, clawing his way from the dirt to come back to us instead of hovering in the sky in a clean, white robe. And the album's blissful tone never sounds mushy or dreamy: It's confidently ecstatic, as if Nau has been tipped off to how it's all going to end.

It looked like Page France would be dumped in the "Christian band" bin-- but once again, a publicist stepped in to save the day, writing to tell us that Nau's not comfortable being pegged as a religious performer. So I contacted him to get his take on it.

If you get past the first impression of his music, Nau's take on religion is conflicted. "My immediate family, as well as the majority of my surrounding family, was always spiritual-- not necessarily conservatively religious, but everyone possessed strong beliefs," says Nau. "I was raised in the midst of it all, so I was able to view the positive as well as the corrupt aspects from more of an 'insider's perspective,' so to speak. I've since chosen an outside, unattached perspective. I see myself as a seeker, but I doubt more than I seek."

Religion "is definitely a theme in the record, but I don't feel like it is the record," says Nau. "People would be missing out on much more if that's the main focus. At the same time, I realize that there's a lot of spiritual imagery in there. But a lot of times, that spiritual imagery represents unspiritual things."

And, ironically, "Jesus" has earned Nau criticism from both sides of the fence. "I've gotten letters from Christian folks or Christian radio stations who were just like, 'What in the hell are you talking about, this is complete blasphemy.' And then at the same time, other folks will be like, "Why did you say 'Jesus', it really detaches me from the song." Today, he shies away from saying that it's strictly a song about the Messiah. "That song was just about an untouchable thing or being-- something that I couldn't relate to, but severely wanted to be able to. I used Jesus as the subject, simply because it was the first thing that came to mind. Maybe I should have used one of my close friends instead."

But the shame here isn't that people made the wrong assumptions about Page France, but that they would ever have dismissed him over his beliefs in the first place. Even a religious performer can convey doubt and conflict. Sure, the bands that rocked the Christian festival at your local speedway stick to celebration and sin, but consider the work of people who are described as "thinking Christians"-- a term that's about as patronizing as "intelligent dance music," but let's go with it for now. Take the quest for spirituality on Talk Talk's Laughing Stock, or the piety and humility of Sufjan Stevens' Seven Swans, or to widen the circle, the furious morality of the abolitionist preacher in Marilynne Robinson's Gilead, or the scene in Kenneth Lonergan's You Can Count on Me in which the reverend asks Mark Ruffalo's drifter if he considers his life important. If we shun the religious content of these works, we're missing their emotional and intellectual power.

You can disagree with the church of your choice, but to dismiss religion altogether-- and to write off the best ideas, the best people and of course, the best indie rockers-- that come out of it, seems pointless. Why shoot the messenger just because you're scared he has a message?

Morrissey Unveils Ringleader Tracklisting, Release Date

2006-01-18T13:35:00.000-06:00

Matthew Solarski (of Pitchfork Media) reports:

Suaver than the Fonz, more loveable than the Coz, the Moz (aka Morrissey, aka Stephen Patrick Morrissey, aka the reigning godfather of eloquent mopery) has a new record just for you. Scouring the moors of England far and wide, Pitchfork has retrieved all three quintessential components of a satisfyingly Mozzy news blurb: title, tracklisting, and release date. Actually, we just waylaid the NME after class and copped the stuff from them. It was a good waylay, a good waylay.

Ringleader of the Tormentors arrives March 20, 2006 in the UK courtesy of Sanctuary Records, and presumably March 21 in the U.S. If these titles are any indication, Morrissey's playing all his standard cards: king of ostentatious romanticism, queen of woebegone sulkery, jack of neo-chivalry, ace of bile, and level-three Charamander. Or he just used the Internet Morrissey Song Title Generator.

The royal flush:

01 I Will See You in Far-Off Places
02 Dear God Please Help Me
03 You Have Killed Me
04 The Youngest Was the Most Loved
05 In The Future When All's Well
06 The Father Who Must Be Killed
07 Life Is a Pigsty
08 I'll Never Be Anybody's Hero Now
09 On The Streets I Ran
10 To Me You Are a Work of Art
11 I Just Want to See the Boy Happy
12 At Last I Am Born

Portraying the wizard of Moz on his bloggy website, been-there-done-that producer Tony Visconti (David Bowie, T. Rex, Thin Lizzy) exclaims that he is "two thirds of the way through one of the best albums I've ever worked on, with...Morrissey at his best." Said site also features a photograph of Moz at the mixing boards sporting what appears to be a "Mozalini" English football jersey. Controversial!

Visconti also alludes to album-recording escapades with an Italian children's choir and legendary film-scorer Ennio Morricone. We already scooped you on how Moz and Vis are recording in Morricone's former studio, located in the catacombs of a seventeen-century church. Could there be more? For the answers to this, and the mystery of how Morrissey's new record can be both "balls-to-the-wall" and "perhaps the most gentle so far", keep your mice perennially stationed at the ‘fork.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day

2006-01-17T13:17:00.000-06:00

I probably should have made this post yesterday, but I really wanted to wait and see what Amy Goodman would be doing on "Democracy Now!" to commemorate the life and legacy of Dr. King. Thus, we have my post, comprised mostly of links to Amy's Monday broadcast on her website, providing people the opportunity to download the sections of Dr. King's speeches that she replayed yesterday.

If you are interested even further, here are two options for more information. 1) Please go visit the Pacifica Radio Archives to download & purchase more of Dr. King's speeches, along with the speeches of others. 2) I give credit to my blog-friend Erin with this link to Dr. King's famous "I Have a Dream" speech.

But regardless of how you listen or read along, join with me, though a day late, in honoring the life, legacy, and memory of this truly great American hero.

Peace.
Only through non-violence.

Approaching

2006-01-09T20:05:00.000-06:00

O God,
much too often, we approach this time
with trepidation, not
wanting to violate this space with our
presence.

We think ourselves much too dirty,
our hands,
our minds, and
our feet tainted too greatly
with the dirt of the places we've been.

It seems that
somehow
we have allowed ourselves to recall
too distinctly all of our
wrongs
and to forget perpetually all of the
rights
You brings to us.

And yet, while we do fear the
entrance, we can still see the hand
you've always extended, as it
beckons us to please come in, so that
we can feel and share the love of
Christ,
so that we can be led by the
Holy Spirit.

Might that we take Your hand tonight.

APN
Copyright 01/08/2006

Genesis Now

2006-01-06T15:50:00.000-06:00

Join me in reading my most recent selection from Genesis Now, the blog I've created to self-publish the Sunday School Lessons/Commentary I've been writing. I'm simply engaging in some shameless self-promotion. I hope you enjoy what you read, and, if you want to comment, I'd prefer you to comment at Genesis Now, so that I can encourage you to read there also. Again, I appreciate you being here and reading along with me as I write.

Strange Languages
Or
“Hey! Let’s Build Something and Become World Famous!”

Genesis 11: 1-9

We have here the famous story of the Tower of Babel, a key scenario in the propagation of peoples around the globe. Many would say that this scene is a metaphor or a folktale, akin to something out of Aesop’s Fables, and I would be inclined to agree with them. It’s not that I doubt intentionally because of the content of this story, but because many other cultures around our world have similar stories and myths outlining the dissemination of languages and peoples.

Do not interpret this statement in a manner that might describe me as a purely inclusive universalist. I simply feel that there is much the reader & listener can learn from the tale described in these 9 verses. That is what makes this narrative valid, not whether it actually happened or not. The worlds of the historical fact and nonfiction description are not the exclusive purveyors of truth.

The events of this story are very straightforward. At the time, all of the people in the world were of one language, of one common speech pattern. And this makes much sense, as everyone was very nearly related to everyone else. That’s what happens when men and women have very long life spans and procreate very extensively. And with the advent of these large immediate and extended families, people were running out of livable land relative to the size of those families. Thus, according to this story, people moved eastward to the plain of Shinar, a region that will come to be known as Sumer, Babylon, Persia, the Ottoman Empire, and Iraq. We aren’t sure where these people moved east from, though some feel they could have been living simply more to the west in the historical “Fertile Crescent”, in present-day Israel, or in eastern Africa. But regardless of their origins, they arrived and settled there.

What follows is an anthropological lesson in the development of cultures and their engineering practices. These peoples had made the transition from collecting and assembling rough stones to harnessing fire so that they could bake bricks and melt tar for mortar. This being the Middle East, there was lots of petroleum byproducts readily available. Moreover, they were choosing to build a city in which to live, deciding not to live in tents and wander about seeking their fortunes as hunter-gatherers.

This is actually fairly significant in terms of measuring a civilization’s status and progression. Not only had they made a long journey to settle a new homeland, they possessed the tools and knowledge necessary to inhabit the land. Kilns in which bricks were to be fired were not hallmarks of migrants; they were tools that befit a tribe/people/ethnic group that was set down long-term, stable roots. Also, their knowledge had progressed to where they were experimenting and researching in order to better their lot in life. One has to burn lots of clay to finally determine a process by which you achieve a building-worthy brick. These were not migrant peoples of the stereotypical Bedouin archetype; this was burgeoning civilization.

Where these people went wrong was when they decided to do more than just build a city in which people could live and start families. They openly declared that they were going to build a tower that would reach to the heavens so that their name would be known in all of the earth. You would think, by now, that humanity (especially the descendents of Noah) would have a pretty decent idea of what God, His judgment, His opinions, and His preferences would be throughout the Old Testament. But no, not humans – we always seem to choose what’s so very wrong for our well-being. This whole free-will thing is such a blessing and such a curse.

And I would say that the issue would not be the people’s desire to settle permanently as a civilization. I’ve heard it preached that God wasn’t pleased because these people were trying to do everything (building a city and/or building a civilization) on their own terms, not in God’s time. My response to that would be that the core issue is the blatant fact that the builders & organizers were building primarily for their glory, as opposed to building for God’s glory or for functional purposes by the city’s inhabitants.

In verses 5-7, God comes down from Heaven to see what the people of the city were doing, to what extent this building project was being pursued. And God was astonished at the scene, prompting a response that still rather confuses me. “The Lord said, ‘If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them. Come, let us go down and confuse their language so they will not understand each other.’” (Genesis 11:6-7, TNIV) Why this reaction? Yes, I can see why God would have issues with people exalting themselves and attempting to achieve permanence, even though humanity has proven to be rather temporary & ephemeral. However, why God feels that it is necessary to create new languages in order to facilitate the dispersal of these people is beyond me.

And that’s why God is God, and why I’m not.

But here’s this thought – it’s not just how God dispersed the peoples of the world, but why God did so. I can’t quite wrap my mind around God’s reasoning – if people keep building and working together, they will be able to do just about anything. This flies in the face of God’s usual penchant for letting humanity use and abuse its collective free-will. God sent languages to confuse the builders of the city, dispersing them, and separating them purposefully because of their unified ambition. Did God feel they weren’t ready to work together? Does God think we still aren’t ready to work together? Does God only want people working on good things, ready to stop people if their purposes don’t line up with God’s?

Regardless of my questions and concerns, I must return to the discussing the fundamental lesson that anyone who reads this story should be able to intuit. The people of Babel were dispersed because they built and created with the sole purpose of immortalizing themselves throughout the world, in defiance of God being God. Whenever people try to exalt themselves to a position equal to or above that of God’s, they should realize that they are stepping outside of their role as created beings. I am not advocating that people should live in fear of God’s impending and imminent judgment upon our wrongdoing, but I do believe that too many people throughout world history have lived as if they were gods unto themselves, to typically tragic outcomes. God has promised many things to people throughout the Bible, and all of them are dependent upon people fully recognizing their status as the creations of God. I just hope that my life can serve as an example of someone who looks to God first in deciding what is best for my life, because I know that I’ve listened to myself too often and for too long.

More blatant, over-the-top affection for Walk the Line

2006-01-04T17:10:00.000-06:00

I just wish I had some pictures and the true source/link for this article to post for you wonderful readers. Enjoy, nonetheless....

Phoenix Takes Cash Film to Folsom Prison
Thursday Dec 22, 2005 10:00am EST
By Todd Peterson

It's back to the scene of the crime, so to speak, for Walk the Line, the Johnny Cash biopic starring Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon.

Folsom State Prison near Sacramento, Calif., has asked 20th Century Fox to screen the film for its prisoners, and Phoenix, who plays Cash in the movie, has agreed to attend the screening, Variety reports.

Folsom Prison proved to be a pivotal point in Cash's career when the "Man in Black" played a live concert there in 1968 at the request of many inmates. The show came at a time when Cash's own life was nearly in shambles.

"Only 13 days before the concert, (Cash's) previous marriage had completely dissolved, he was just kicking drugs, and it was the first time he was really able to look clear-eyed to June Carter as both a husband and father. And as an artist for the first time he was in control of the black horse that was dragging him down," Walk the Line director James Mangold tells Variety.

Cash's concert not only inspired the performer, it inspired many inmates as well. It's a tradition Phoenix hopes the screening can continue.

"John believed in the power of redemption and offered his unique gift to anyone who needed to find it within then, and in the process, he inspired millions," Phoenix said. "I can think of no greater way to honor him than to carry on his legacy of using music to connect to all people."

The screening, which will take place Jan. 3, is organized by the Folsom Prison Fellowship, which ministers to prisoners, ex-prisoners and their families.

Top 5 Moments of 2005

2006-01-04T15:45:00.000-06:00

In no order & inspired by my blog-friend Erin (aka Surface Ripple) and (as usual) Rob Gordon:

1) My 26th birthday: It had been years since I had collected my friends around me to celebrate my birthday. It just had never happened. I think that what sets my 26th apart is that it was diametrically & completely different than the depressed NOTHING that was my 25th birthday celebration.

2) The ever-developing cohesion of my small group: This is simple. My best friends collecting themselves once a week since June to talk about God, Jesus, faith, our struggles, our lack of faith, and growing so much as people, friends, and followers of Christ. Beautiful....

3) My current job: After 15 months of struggling to make things work at the bookstore and after leaving post at the private church-school, coming upon and securing my job as a teacher at a Waldorf school has been such a blessed event. It has been years since I have felt more loved, appreciated, encouraged and wanted in a work environment.

4) My level of involvement at my spiritual community: Getting involved with the missional community that is Ecclesia has been such an infusion of lifeblood into my spirit and my faith. Not only do I get to receive so much from the people leading the community, but I am blessed to be able to be involved, give, and serve.

5) It's good to have options: I have lots of possibilities and potential in front of me, such that I haven't had since entering college back in 1997. Much like Erin choosing to enter law school, I am weighing the benefits & drawbacks to either graduate school (MA/PhD in Political Science/History) or seminary (Regent in Vancouver, BC or Biblical in Philly, PA). It is good, though rather intimidating at times, to have options.

Granted, as my most recent post outlines, these Top 5 really have to be expanded to be a Top 7. Alas....

Perspective(s)

2006-01-04T15:20:00.000-06:00

I would have to say that the past month has been one of the best in recent memory. Actually, the past month has been filled with some of the best memories and best times in a long while. To recount them all might take awhile, but I'm OK with that. I just hope that you're willing to read through them all and feel like sharing along with me. I have resisted returning this blog to more of a journal format, but I could not resist sharing my story through this medium, mostly because I know how powerful story (and narrative) can be in terms of effectively communicating with people.

As many of you know, things have been really that comfortable between my parents and myself since March of 2004. At that time, I chose to leave the church of 5 years and the Pentecostalism of 10-15 years in which I had been living. My mother did NOT take this well, did NOT understand it, and did NOT like what I had done. To be totally candid, my mother told me, on more than one occasion, that, since I had left "the truth," I was not saved anymore and that it hurt her that she wouldn't see me in heaven. Granted, as he is a observant Roman Catholic, my Dad (in the strict Pentecostal sense) isn't going to heaven either, but my Dad is mostly concerned with my mother's emotional well-being. He didn't weigh in on the issue really, but just simply loves my mother (and she loves him equally as much).

But, over the past few months, things have been on the upswing. I have been simply living my life in front of her, not getting into spiritual discussions, but trying my best to live as Christ would in her presence. Actions do speak louder than words and there is no better example of this than the scenario that played out on December 23, 2005. My mother was going through the phone numbers of old friends, making her annual check-ins with people from our family's past 25 years or so. She made a call to a friend living in the Alabama area (I think) to talk about what was going on in their lives, as both women had children very similar in age together.

My mother's friend recounted all of the rather tragic events going on in the lives of her two eldest sons -- 1) the eldest is convinced that he is either homosexual or a woman in a man's body, though he doesn't have any experience in the homosexual/transgendered community; and 2) the second son, due to his severe problem with alcohol abuse, never really started college, dropped out of a trade school, can't seem to keep a job of any kind, and has had run-ins with the law in regards to his behavior when inebriated. And all that my mother can say in comparison is, "N doens't go to church with me anymore."

My mother completed this phone call and immediately came to find me to talk about what had been discussed. She told me that, even though there are days when she still doesn't understand or agree with that I've done, she can't deny the fact that the conversation she just had with her old friend gave her some really important perspective on the situation. She told me that she couldn't even begin to compare or contrast our situation with her friends. Paraphrasing my Mom, she told me, "I had no way of even sympathizing with her over the phone. Her sons are going through and putting her through so much more than I could even imagine. All I can say is that you're not going to church with me and you're involved in a church in Houston. I just needed to tell you that my talk with my friend allowed me to see things through new eyes." And at that time, my Dad walked up and my Mom recounted everything to him, including our just-completed talk about it all.

All I could do as I drove to Houston that afternoon was thank and praise God for what had just happened. After 18-21 months of strange, harsh tension in the house, things just came to a beautiful conclusion, a lovely resolution that we all needed in our heart, lives, and spirits. I've shared this with several of my close friends and they all agree that, as tough as this time has been for me, it has been so necessary and it will allow me to be able to share this story with others, to be able to help others who are going through similar circumstances. And I can simply agree with that statement.

And on a much simpler note, but nearly as noteworthy, I am out of my parents' house and into a room at a friend of mine's house in the NW Houston area. My new locale completes my hard-fought and oft-sought sense of independence from my (self-imposed) tortured existence in a 10'x10' room at my parents' home. It also sets me in an equidistant location between work and church, saving on money for gas and allowing me greater opportunity to spend time with people important to me. I get to begin the year on a high note, with good spirits, and in possession of a great number of options to sift through in relation to how my future unfolds. Seminary anyone? Grad School maybe?

Happy New Year to you all.

Inputs and Output

2005-12-21T19:21:00.000-06:00

Well, just to quiet the voices in my head for a bit, here's a list of movies I've seen recently, followed by my thoughts on them. I don't know why I feel compelled to address such things, but here I go.

Syriana -- Deep, fractured, chaotic, intense, jarring. I greatly appreciate and revel in how much was going on with this movie amidst the 3 "main" characters (Clooney, Damon, & Wright), players who really nevr saw each other or interacted the entire movie. What made this movie most enjoyable (and worthy of several repeat viewings) was that the chaos of the storylines did a rather good job of representing and illuminating the vast spectrum of perspectives and interplay that surrounds and threatens to engulf the actual grab for oil in the Gulf Region. No matter what you think of the politics of oil, please go see this movie. I will be seeing it again as well, if only to better absorb what's going on so that I might be able to discuss the movie's concepts and themes more ably.

Pride and Prejudice -- OK. So, this is a blatant admission of my love for 2 things: Kiera Knightly and Focus Features. When I first saw the preview for this movie, I thought, "Well, she's a beautiful woman, but do we really need another version of this movie? If I want to see this book appropriately retold, I'd go see the Colin Firth-led A&E/BBC version of Pride & Prejudice." But then, the words "Focus Features" floated across my eyes and into my ears and I knew that I would be viewing this movie and most likely be buying it. In 2 hours, KK & FF do a great job of catching the main themes, main storylines, and main drama from the book. To do a more complete job, go watch the Colin Firth version. The actors they chose all did a rather exemplary job in their roles. I was especially impressed with Jena Malone's work and British accent, being an American actress whose most recent big role was playing the main character in "Saved". All in all, I was struck by often I resemble Mr. Darcy in my inability to speak upon what I'm really feeling in my heart and in my head. If they come into conflict, my head wins, since it can more capably censor what comes out of my mouth, thus, keeping my out of trouble (and also out of love). In conclusion though, I cried. I really did and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

Walk the Line (3 times) -- Go read my post a couple weeks or so ago on Johnny Cash.

Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire (2 times) -- I love these books. I love these movies. I came late to reading the books, mostly because I initially dismissed them as cheesy, children's fantasy novels that were beneath my imagination and intellect. Well, after watching the first 3 movies and discovering that there were many people whose opinions and literary preferences I respected reading these novels, I picked up the first one and was hooked immediately. And the beauty of Rowlings' writing is that she just gets better and better. All that to say this -- while I really enjoyed the fourth movie, it wasn't as good as Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azkaban. What I feel that the screenwriters are running into is that, as the books are becoming dramatically lengthier, they are having severe issues with cutting out & adapting the book for movie viewing. These are the same issues that Peter Jackson had with LOTR and he created three 3-1/2 hour movies, while the HP movies are between 2 & 2-1/2 hours. There just isn't enough time within the timeframe the director is given to capture the magic of the books. Now, I do feel that the actors portraying Harry, Ron, & Hermoine are simply coming into their own, embodying the complexities of adolescence with aplomb and tense conflict. I just can't wait to see how Daniel Radcliffe will present the thoroughly and perpetually pissed-off (& pissed-on) Harry Potter in Book 5 (Order of the Phoenix).

Oh well, enough with this. I'll be discussing Rent & Bee Season at a later date, if I feel like it. I really enjoyed both movies, but there are some issues I had with them (Rent being a musical and Bee Season being bizarre for bizarre's sake). Thoughts?? Considerations?? Mutual affirmation??

The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

2005-12-12T13:30:00.000-06:00

Well, I thought long and hard about posting my thoughts, ideas, and comments concerning the recent cinematic release of C. S. Lewis' classic The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. Depending upon which number system you prefer, TLTWATW is either first (publishing chronilogical order) or second (story's chronilogical order) in the beautiful children's series The Chronicles of Narnia. But when I read my friend's musings upon her viewing of the movie, I decided to post a link to her blog, since she has put into words my general and VERY specific thoughts on the movie, especially in terms of taking direct note of the two largest discrepancies between the literary and cinematic versions. Feel free to read and comment upon what she has written about the movie as well as about the rest of her life. She's a wonderful woman who's been a great friend for the past 18 months. Keep her in your prayers as she moves on to a great, yet nerve-wracking new phase/stage of her life.

Environmental Recollections

2005-12-12T08:56:00.000-06:00

Propped upon a thinning collection
of blue cotton and abused filler,
Supported by four teetering, wobbling,
chunks of compressed faux wood particles,
Standing on a sea of concrete chocolate,
not-yet-scraped by tugged weights,

Surrounded by waves so percussive, melodic,
deep, airy, tuned, and flowing,
Enfolded by panels of creamy chalk and
stone-grey rows connected by white lines,
Gazed down upon by lines, images,
paints, & pens, creations of creations,

I reconvene with my loved ones and with
the pieces of me that I don't much love.
I seek to reconnect those pieces and parts,
though I try to hold them apart and so separate.
I hold them all in tension, just as I hold
You -- so beyond me, yet so within.

APN
Copyright 12/11/2005

They are There

2005-12-07T20:49:00.000-06:00

We live lives filled
with others --
other people,
other thoughts,
other emotions,

things that don't quite belong and
things that are supposed to be.

Whether we want them there or not,
nonetheless,
they are there.

We listen to them too often.
We listen to them not enough.
We run from them so quickly.
We embrace them wholeheartedly.

We have these lives and
we are not alone,
both to our detriment,
but to our ultimate benefit.

APN
Copyright 12/05/2005

Poem for Advent 2

2005-12-07T16:33:00.000-06:00

This is a poem written by an elder at the church of which I am a member for our service on the Second Week of Advent. He read this during our AM service, and, due to his not feeling that well, I was asked to read it for our PM service. I was taken aback at the breadth of themes presented and the way in which they were all tied together to make a beautiful & coherent whole. After the service, several people came up to me to let me know how much they loved the poem and asked me if I had written it myself. I told them that I had not written it, but that an elder, Paul Randall, had. Such a response to his poem compelled me to inquire of Paul as to whether or not I could include this poem as a part of my series of Advent posts. He granted me permission and you get to reap the benefits of his craftsmanship. Please enjoy, reflect, and comment as you see fit. Again, I give thanks to Paul for his permission.

Poem for Advent 2
2005

Mountain peaks tremble, quake and give way
in a day, or a thousand years
into open-mouthed valleys
swallowing sin and shame.

Grass, so zealously green in the spring,
browns with age, withers, cracks,
tumbles before the breath of God
gathers along fence lines,
lodges with leaves on the sidewalk.

Over newly leveled plains
Righteousness and Peace
outstretch lips to kiss.
A seed falls, roots, sprouts
Faithfulness flowers and bears fruit.
The harvest is the glory of our God.

Winter wheat to be milled, baked, broken.
Succulent grapes ripen on the vine
bursting under bare feet of one unworthy, unkempt
fresh from the wilderness
preparing the wine, preparing the way.

A measure of flour
lumpy, uneven
is shaken, tapped, leveled
heights made low
holes filled in
sifted, for the second time
(the first for the chaff)
the recipe, the way, is prepared.

Copyright © 2005 by Paul Fredrick Randall

Be Lifted

2005-12-05T11:44:00.000-06:00

Reflections on Isaiah 40:1-11, culled from the lectio divina section of Ecclesia's PM service on December 4, 2005

A voice says, "Cry out!"
And I said, "What shall I cry?"

Like grass
Withers
Fades
Breath of the Lord
The Word of our God endures forever
Good news
Here is your God
Power
Reward
Shepherd
Gently Lead

Pairs

2005-12-05T11:41:00.000-06:00

Face to face
Confronting myself
Embracing myself
Walking along the way

Step by step
Journeying together
Following a path
Seeking the light

Faith to faith
Looking to the future
Living in the present
Listening to the past

All in all
Directing my pace
Providing for my needs
Loving me, no matter what

APN
Copyright 12/04/2005

This really isn't an advert. I promise....

2005-12-03T13:18:00.000-06:00

“Literature adds to reality, it does not simply describe it. It enriches the necessary competencies that daily life requires and provides; and in this respect, it irrigates the deserts that our lives have already become.” – C. S. Lewis

I’ve been reading since I was not quite 3 years old. I don’t say that to brag upon myself, but upon my mother, since she was the one reading the works of Dr. Seuss and the Golden Books people to me. And then, that same mother used to remove books from my hands on school mornings. I would be so engrossed in reading a book that I would sit down on the edge of my bed and forget to get dressed, thus causing everyone to be late to school.

All throughout high school, I was a public library regular, whether riding my bike across town or driving my little pick-up truck there. I attended a small private school that didn’t have a great library and I had to employ any means necessary to sate my appetite. However, it wasn’t until I worked in a bookstore during & after college (albeit it turned out to a rather stifling experience) did my literary passions begin to truly bloom.

Simply put, I have found that, within the pages of a work of great fiction, I can find a great many ways and means by which my life can be enriched, challenged, strengthened, broken-down, and rebuilt. Yes, I said fiction. Yes, I do believe that fiction can be more powerful than nonfiction. Works of fiction can expound upon the human condition better than any social scientist could ever hope to tabulate within a report or scholarly work. I say that because I am a social scientist by education (BA in Political Science, minors in Economics & History) – I find it easy to write about people in formal language. But I am learning, all over again, how to write and read about people in ways that a logical, trained observer of humanity really cannot do.

Read along with me at Taft Street Books as you patron the fine establishment that is Taft Street Coffee. Feel free to contact me with any questions, opinions, or stock requests that you might have. I look forward to making the bookstore as democratically run as possible, as I seek to make Taft Street Books your favorite place to purchase literature. (And yes, nonfiction as well – I do read considerable amounts of that as well.) Seriously. Come visit me.

Advent Readings

2005-11-30T21:06:00.000-06:00

There are times when I can't quite tell if I'm being obnoxious, prideful, or vain when I ask people to read what I've written. I have a good friend of mine who's a tremendously talented artist (specializing in ceramics, but a damn fine painter as well) who has been giving lots of great advice on my poetry. She tells me that I should be proud of what I'm writing -- I'm an above average poet, a good writer, and I say things well. Why shouldn't I be proud of my art, my creations?? I guess that my answer is that, too often in my life, my artistic abilities and propensities haven't been appreciated, encouraged, or even acknowledged. If you've never been given positive feedback and quality constructive criticism, you haven't the means or the self-esteem to want to talk about your writing, my music, or anything like that at all.

However, I feel that I have gotten a bit braver and more confident with my writing. I guess that when someone gets hired on by their church to actually write the lessons for the Sunday School classes, that someone can deserve and reserve the right to be proud of your writing and be willing to share it with people. Thus, having completed a month or so of lessons on Genesis (since we're progressing a week-at-a-time through the book during Ordinary Time) and two weeks of lessons for the Advent Season, I'd like to see what my "regular readers" here at this blog have to say about another set of my writings. Is that vain? I hope not. I'd just like to get your input on what I've been creating.

Thanks.

Peace.

Isaiah 64:1-12

2005-11-28T19:04:00.000-06:00

Here's another post that goes along with what I am posting over at another blog of mine. During our service last evening, our Lead Pastor, Chad Karger, read through this passage in Isaiah. Here are some brief thoughts & impressions of mine, collected from the members of my church community during a time of lectio divina. Let me know what you think and go read through my more expanded thoughts upon this passage.

Expectation

There is desolation in being.
There is violence in waiting.
There is danger in anticipating.
There is uncertainty in hoping.
This is faith.
It is mine.

APN
Copyright 11/27/2005

Ideas for Advent

2005-11-28T18:43:00.000-06:00

Over at one of my other blogs, I had begun a progression through the book of Genesis to accompany my commentary and development of the children's church curriculum for use at the church I attend. However, as Advent approached, I felt the need to post those lessons and thoughts along with my thoughts on Genesis. Thus, in tandem with what I am posting over at THAT blog, I decided to post a list that was proferred to us during our service last evening by our Lead Pastor, Chad Karger. Read along and let me know what you think.

Expectations
Eat less
Eat less often
Share what you eat
Watch less television
Go outside
Pray outside before sunrise
Read
Read more
Write
Sit
Sit quietly
Sit quietly and do nothing
Listen less to talk radio
Listen more to others
Talk less to others
Talk with a child under 10 years old
Talk with an adult over 70 years old
Wait
Wait well
Wait often

Making a case

2005-11-26T22:01:00.000-06:00

((A bit of history -- this post appeared back on April 22 of 2005. I have thought LONG AND HARD about what kind of post I'd like to create in lieu of the beautiful & dark movie that is Walk The Line, starring Joaquin Phoenix & Reese Witherspoon. However, when it got down to it, I figured that I'd let my own words from the past speak for myself. I'm kinda prophetic that way. Hehehe.... And if you haven't seen the movie, do yourself a favor and go see it. Right now. I mean it! Drop what you're doing, take a friend or two and go see this movie. You don't have to be a fan to appreciate it. In fact, especially if you're not a fan, I want to talk to you about what you DID think about the movie. And now, on with the show....))

If you've ever spent much time around me talking about my passions, there are a few things that typically take prominence -- Music, Literature, and a new vision of Being the Church (Gk. -ekklesia). In some cases, these things become fairly intertwined, since I listen to lots of music that's thought-provoking (not necessarily "christian"), I read lots of literature that's thought-provoking (not necessarily "christian"), and I talk with my friends about how Christians have failed the world around them and how we can make things right (or at least grasp a better vision of enacting the "Kingdom of God" as Jesus beckoned us to do in the Gospels).

But if you really want to get me going on something, start talking to me about Johnny Cash. Seriously. Yes, Johnny Cash. No, I'm not joking. I'm a fairly huge fan of his work and I've just begun to scratch the surface of his discography.

(Quick side note here, since I am a lover of literature. There are 2 books you MUST read if you would like a glimpse into Cash's life -- Cash by Johnny Cash & A Man Called Cash by Steve Turner. Both are exemplary -- Turner's as biography and Cash's autobiography as great dialogue. I can so easily envision myself sitting across from him talking to him as I read the words in Cash. Anyway, back to the main point....)

I think that Johnny Cash simply must be one of the 1) coolest, 2) most transparent yet opaque, 3) most underappreciated and misunderstood, and 4) best songwriters of the 20th century. Note that I didn't say that he was a great musician, since Johnny himself was open about the fact that he was rudimentary guitar player. Note that I didn't say that he was a great guy (in the cliche'd role model sense of the concept), since Johnny himself was open about the fact that he had failed so many times and failed so many people at so many times in his music career. But I have to make the point that I DO consider him a great role model -- of success and failure, of reaching for your dreams and seeing those dreams consume you, of loss and redemption, of losing so much in life that you realize that you can NOT live for yourself any longer, of living with the constant struggles of various temptations, and of finally figuring out that God does know what's best even if we don't understand it.

So, why do I like the man so much? My admiration and respect grows for him with every listen through of every song I have in my Cash collection and he's been deceased for 1.5 years now. I think it's because I see myself mirrored in him in so many ways. No, I haven't fought with drug addiction, but I am constantly fighting other addictions. No, I haven't been divorced because I neglected my wife and young children, but I have broken my heart and the heart of several women I've dated over my neglecting of our relationship. No, I haven't gone into drunken/drugged rages in hotel rooms and cars and destroyed them all (which, by the way, Johnny was doing before it was en vogue in 70's rock culture), but I have worked myself into self-righteous and self-depricating fits of emotional/spiritual turmoil to the extent that I've rendered myself incapable of feeling anything for God or anyone else.

Why do I like him so much? Because he's me and I him. I connect with the emotional and spiritual depth to his songs, to the minimalism of the way he crafts his story-songs and favorite hymns, to the way in which he has related to the lives of so many people, both in and out of music. What makes Johnny Cash so "larger-than-life" and so humble, all at the same time, is that he's us. He's all of us -- so broken, yet so healed; so brazen, yet so humble; so sinful, yet so forgiven. I am Johnny Cash and he is me.

Someone tell me I'm not deluded....

(And one final note, if you aren't familiar with his material and would like to be, pick up BOTH of the following collections -- Love, God, Murder (3 CD's) and American Recordings Vol. 1. And no, that's not an advertisement; it's required listening in my world.)

Scene 6

2005-11-26T19:41:00.000-06:00

For those of you who are still reading along, Simon has finished Scene 6 of his screenplay Like Augustine. I just figured that some of you would want to read what's happening next. Give Simon some input. He'd like to hear from you...

Patience is an Active Verb

2005-11-22T17:10:00.000-06:00

Can we accept
the fact that
we will never get it all?

Or do we walk
away from one
who wants to
hold us so close
in the midst of
pain that is so
unknowable &
so misunderstood?

Might we find ways
to rail against
the one who can
take our blows,
take our words,
take our hurts, &
love us all the same?

Might we find ways
to wait upon
the one though
we might not
want to do so.

APN
Copyright 11/21/2005

And now for something COMPLETELY different....

2005-11-17T20:11:00.000-06:00

((Disclaimer: Please forgive me in advance if some of these album covers offend you. It is not my intention to offend, but to humor, in a black humor sort of way.))

((And before I begin, I know that this post is a distinct contrast from the "Back to the Future" post. If anything, I try to be as diverse a poster as possible....)

I was reading through Pitchfork Media's new album reviews from the past few days and came across this wonderful collection. The immediate descriptors for some of these albums include the adjectives: bizarre, ridiculous, perverse, obscence, scary, creepy, horrible, tacky, and downright offensive. But what makes this list so wonderful to read through is the brilliant & scathing commentary included by the editorial staff at Pitchfork Media. These folks might be indie rock snobs (and I love them for being such), but they are smart and SASSY indie rock snobs. Enjoy, if you'd like....

Pitchfork Media's List of Worst Album Covers

Back to the Future

2005-11-14T19:41:00.000-06:00

No, I'm not Marty McFly and don't quite except to be anytime soon. I haven't worn an insulated vest or attempted to ride a skateboard since the late 1980's. And I've certainly never been befriended by a local mad scientist working for international terrorists so that he can get the plutonium to power his time machine. And besides, if the future looks like it does in BTTF 2, I do NOT want to travel there, no matter how cool my DeLorean HoverCar is.

What I'm trying to say through all this is that I've spent the last 2 weeks rehashing large sections of my past with a LONG-LOST friend of mine. Or to be totally honest and upfront, a LONG-LOST girlfriend. "WHAT?!?!" you might be asking yourselves. "You've had a girlfriend before?" you also might by asking. Yes, at one point in my life, I actually entered into romantic relationships with members of the opposite sex. The reason why I haven't pursued any relationships in the past 20 months is the topic of SEVERAL other posts. Such a discussion falls outside of the scope and realm of this post, a post which could be very long, hazardous, and worthy of several subsequent posts & discussions.

All introductions completed, here is the story:

Back in the day, say over 8 years ago, I was graduating from High School and I was dating this young woman, a freshman at the school we both attended. It was a rather random, tumultuous, frustrating, on-again, off-again, on-again, stifled, stymied, misunderstood, under-appreciated, and complex relationship, futher complicated by the fact that people didn't want us dating and avidly tried to break us up on a regular basis. There was never anything inappropriate that happened between us -- we never kissed, rarely hugged, nearly never held hands. Such was the life of two teenagers in a Pentecostal church (or probably any conservative church which told teens that ALL physical contact was wrong and never gave them appropriate guidelines for mature/developing relationships).

But, you see, even with all of the crap (or insert applicable profanity/derogatory noun of your choice) that was going on around us, we did like each other. We really did. She's told me as much before. We just didn't know how to deal with that, especially since we weren't getting any support or advice from those around us who should have been helping us and not just conspiring against us. I left for college in August of 1997 and we wrote letters for awhile, but with college life (and another girl that I had started talking to) upon me, our communications dwindled to nothing. Life happens. There were days that I regretted it, but I was a stupid guy. And like I said, we never really knew what to do with how we were feeling about each other. That kind of emotional ignorance would kill just about any relationship.

Fast-forward about 2 or more years -- say, about Fall of 2000, thereabouts. I know it was after May of 2000 because I had exited a 5-6 month-long relationship on a very bad note. Maybe that's why I decided to re-establish contact with this ex-girlfriend of mine. I don't know. Probably so. Who knows? It's beside the point. Or is it? Anyway....

Definitive and Necessary Bit of Back-Tracking -- You see, along with our personally tumultuous relationship, this friend of mine had lived in a near-literal hell on earth for most of her life -- psychotic mom, drunkard father, weird relatives, and all of the emotional disturbances that come with parental units who never functioned as parental units or even as decently-behaving spouses who even remotely loved/respected each other. She spent much of her time raising her two younger brothers, and started working as soon as she could in order to pay for her private school education. She grew up MUCH MUCH MUCH too quickly -- she didn't have much of a decent childhood, much less even had anything close to a normal adolescence. And I think that I spent too emotional time trying to "fix" her, to "help" her, all with the best of intentions, but it's rarely a good thing for a boyfriend to spend more time fixing/helping/protecting his girlfriend as opposed to learning about her and growing to love her for who she was/is. I was young, stupid, and emotionally immature. I told her that much over the weekend when we went out for dinner. I didn't know how to deal with her life & her issues, but we tried anyway. And failed -- we were much too young to make anything work at all.

We started talking again in Fall 2000 and convinced her to come visit me for a weekend, go to dinner, go to church, even to the point of trying to get her out of her home, out of her negative life, and bad church experience (since I was attending another, healthier Pentecostal church). Again, I was trying to help her, not love her; be her caretaker, not someone who cares for her regardless. My attempts failed; we stopped talking again.

Fast-forward yet again to Spring of 2003. We were talking on the phone for a couple of weeks, and she and I had even arranged for me to come visit for a weekend. She had stopped attending any kind of church and was living independently of just about anyone. She was happy, and I wasn't. I was beginning my transition out of my Pentecostal church culture and into something else. Granted, she wasn't to be a part of that, but I guess for awhile, I thought that we could start something. We stopped talking when another old ex-girlfriend entered my life again. It happens. I don't have a good excuse. It just happened. Damn, that's lame....

((Yes, for those of you STILL reading this rather curious, or possibly depressing, diatribe, I do realize how strange my interactions/relationship have been with this woman. I'm not stupid, just a bit delusional when it comes to her.))

But, on Halloween night, October 31st, around 9:45PM, she called ME. Yes, she called me. She told me it was Halloween, she wanted to do something crazy, and, besides drinking at home on her night off, she chose to call me 2-1/2 years after we last talked. She figured she had nothing else to do but call to see if the old cell phone number she had for me still worked. I was floored, flabbergasted, and totally astonished that she would call me. She's a rather headstrong woman who does what she wants and doesn't tolerate assholes in her life. And I had been a rather large asshole in her life, especially with how often I'd broken off contact with her for ridiculous reasons. She talked to me. I'm not sure that she wanted to really talk, but I did. I wanted to talk to her, mostly out of pure curiousity, blown away at her pure chutzpah.

So, we've been talking for the past 2 weeks. We've gone out twice -- dinner and drinks one night; dinner, coffee, and a 3-hour conversation this past Friday night. We talk or communicate nearly every night, even just to say hello. It's been rather strange, but rather good at the same time. I'm not sure exactly what to make of all of this. I think she enjoys my company, my personality, the fact that I'm not anything like the holier-than-thou, protector-boy I used to be. She's comfortable with who she is; I'm comfortable with whom I'm becoming. Maybe this is the beginning of something healthy, something.... But then I've been wrong before. But I'm hope that I'm not wrong this time. It feels rather good to have her in my life, even if it's just as friend. We had trouble being friends; we don't seem to have that trouble right now. It just feels good; nothing more nothing less.

Does any of this make sense? It does feel good to write about this though....

Keep (for Mila)

2005-11-09T18:12:00.000-06:00

Crackling with energy,
overflowing with joy,
your smile dazzles our eyes as
your eyes sparkle with life.

Who you are makes us happy.
Who you are becoming makes us hope
that you keep smiling
that you keep shining
that you keep growing
that you keep going.

APN
Copyright 11/09/2005

Re-

2005-11-09T18:07:00.000-06:00

I feel the kick, the pull,
the slap, the rejection.

I recoil from the passion
racking your actions.

I surge to react,
to restore, to run away.

I watch as your emotions
deepen as they are redirected.

Anger to dispair to pity to love.

Restore me as you rebuke me.

APN
Copyright 11/06/2005

Sidebars and Sideburns

2005-11-08T18:38:00.000-06:00

I've often wondered this, since I tend to keep it fairly updated, but who actually reads through my reading and listening lists? Maybe I have some vain preconceptions about the content that I post, but I'd actually like to know whether or not that information there on my sidebar is worth keeping around. I've been thinking of ways to streamline/reformat my blog and the first things that come to mind to rearrange are those sidebars.

Am I being too random? Being too overly curious? I mean, you could all respond and say, "HEY! That stuff is crap. I don't pay a bit of attention that drivel!" Not that any of you would use that exact (or similar) phraseology, but the intent might be there.

Or maybe I should ask if there's any OTHER information about my life & times you'd prefer to read. I have enough people who regularly read through my material, so I'd like to poll all of you and test the waters.

Any ideas? Anyone?

**sheepishly grinning the chutzpah of such a silly post as "Thirty-Three" from the Smashing Pumpkins begins playing in his ears, his iTunes fully on random**

Genesis Now

2005-11-06T15:18:00.000-06:00

Hey there folks. New writing venture that I'm taking on -- writing curriculum for a the church that I attend. We're going through Genesis, one chapter at a time, rather expositionally, but lots of my personal creativity thrown into the mix. There will be weekly and perpetual art projects complementing the lessons, developed by a friend of mine (who happens to be the mother of one of my students. Go check it out!

Genesis Now

(BTW, Advent is coming soon, so Genesis might slow down, but I will be posting the 4-5 weeks of Advent there as well, complete with the art & the songs we're singing for our Christmas services.))

Article

2005-11-02T16:41:00.000-06:00

READ THIS!!!

Granted, I shouldn't be such a blatant apologist.... Or such a ridiculous fan.... Or should I? Whatever....

What I Think That I Think About Thinking

New Site!

Little Miss Sunshine

How does one even attempt to clean up chaos?

The Brick Testament

Radiohead -- Kid A

A few thoughts, in case anyone might be interested....

Burnside Writers Collective

Out of the Tar Pits (six lines at a time)

A Work Stoppage

The Music In My Ears

Pig Pens

Regina Spektor -- Begin to Hope

My (Most Likely) Top Ten Favorite Albums of All Time -- LINK!

Ashes, Ashes, I Have Fallen Down

My (Most Likely) Top Ten Favorite Albums of All Time

Genesis 29:31-30:24

Broken Conceptions

A Benediction

Perennial

Genesis 28

We need to

Acceptance and More....

Eyes are the Windows to the Soul, or So She's Told...

Net Neutrality

Thoughts For, About, and Because of Pentecost Sunday

Pinpricks as Friends

Guilty as Charged (and it's about damn time)!!

Ahhhh.... Summertime plans in the works....

Media (in video)!

The first steps on the journey have been taken...

Media!

Upon Appearing

"Yes, I love technology...."

Watch these videos. All three of them! All of you!!

Genesis 18:16-33

Flailings of some sort

Another Great Event in the History of American Foreign Policy

Easter Sunday (a poem & song)

"Beautiful, Scandalous Night" (a song for Good Friday)

Grit That I Can't Remove (a song for Maundy Thursday)

Proof that indie rock snobs DO have a sense of humor....

The Hammer Falls

In the Name of Love!

Am I tormented and ringled?!?

Follow-ups....

Answered Prayers

**Visibly Cringing** So, who really has the best idea of "handbasket"??

Chalmers Johnson Interview

CPT: Sadness, Joy, and True Activism

Where are we going and how did we get into this handbasket?!?

Spring Break Thoughts, Happenings, and Other Random Stuff

Read and then visit. They'll appreciate it....

I am a feminist....

Amazingly, this wasn't a bit of spam in my Inbox!

My Thoughts as We Begin Lent

Current Media I'm Enjoying....

Lenten Prayer on Ash Wednesday

Yeah, I'm a blatant, over-the-top fan. What are you gonna do about it?

A bit of brutal honesty.... Are you ready?

And now, for some anti-corporate information....

What is this? More liberal propaganda on this guy's site??

Random Thoughts on Simplicity

Invocation -- 01/29/2006

Prophets, Messiahs, and Black Sheep

Fully Engage Your Senses and Intellect.

An important woman has died. An important human has died.

Events of Historic Importance

I will skip work and sell my first-born child to be there. Trust me on this one...

Who wants to play??

Benediction -- 01/29/2006

Soul Economy

Now THIS is Some Quality Cultural Introspection...

Morrissey Unveils Ringleader Tracklisting, Release Date

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day

Approaching

Genesis Now

More blatant, over-the-top affection for Walk the Line

Top 5 Moments of 2005

Perspective(s)

Visibly Cringing So, who really has the best idea of "handbasket"??